Alan

Alan, age 12

Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada (1978)

My first memory of being "different" or gay happened when I was probably no more than 7 or 8 years old. I was taking swimming lessons at the local YMCA, and I remember a man walked into the pool area and sat down, waiting for our class to be over. He was very cute and had a very hairy chest.

All I can remember was being mesmerized by him. I wanted to swim over there and rub my hand over his chest, as I had never seen anything like that before. To this day, over 35 years later, I can still picture him in my mind.

I grew up in a very strict Roman Catholic family. It wasn't until I went away for university that I was able to be true to myself. Many, many times I wanted to go to the student gay club, but I just couldn't muster up the courage to do it.

Finally, I met a lesbian, and we became very good friends. A few months later I told her I was gay too, and she was so happy.

It felt great to be able to true to myself. It wasn't always easy, but I am happiest knowing that I am true to myself, and I'm at peace. 

I now live in Toronto, and was formerly the Treasurer of the Toronto Pride parade. I have met so many great people there; friends who I still have today, and friends I wouldn't have if I wasn't true to myself and made it through.

It took me a long to say "I am gay" out loud. There were a lot of tears, a lot of stress, and a lot of sleepless nights. But I wouldn't change my life.

Everyone's time to decide to be true to themselves, is their own to make. It may be in your teens, 20's, or even later. But only you know when it's the right time.

Never be ashamed of who you are, never apologize for who you are, and be PROUD of who you are.

Alan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lee Majors ("The Six Million Dollar Man")

He was very rugged, very confident, and very sexy.

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Alan

Alan, age 7

London, UK (1957)

Here I am on Christmas day, front and centre next to my favourite aunt, with my parents looking rather glum at the rear. My first memorable activity was what my uncle termed 'Picking apples' - my ballet dance, with my  arms in the air. Then singing in a talent contest at age 4, which was a song about the Queen's Coronation. The first birthday present I remember wanting at age 4, was a tea set, and I recall making tea with it for mom.

I also enjoyed cooking with mom - much to dad's chagrin. Around 5, I wanted to see The King & I and Oklahoma. My favorite aunt had all the Rogers & Hammerstein LP's, which I knew by heart by the age of 10.

Crushes on boys began at 6, and although I wasn't aware what it was all about, I knew I wanted their closeness. I loved sharing a changing cubicle with a friend I swam with at elementary school. I was hopeless at team sports (still can't throw or catch), and was always picked last for any team. So I spent my time playing make-believe or chatting with the girls.

In the 60's in the Essex UK suburbs, I had no clue what being gay was. I just presumed (and yet somehow seriously doubted) that these crushes would eventually fade. And that all would fall into place, that I'd marry a girl and have kids etc. But I distinctly recall the moment a friend told me what "gay" was - and I was really worried.

Could this be my fate? I knew it was, but I spent the next decade trying to be like everyone else, hiding my real self and feeling totally alone.

My deliverance came with my move to Canada, ostensibly to study but really to make a complete break and find my true self. Thankfully, by 1972 Gay Liberation had already taken root there. I plucked up my courage and I went to one of the meetings on campus. Home at last!

I met my present partner in Montreal in 1973 and the rest is history.
We married in 2007 - after 34 years of living in sin!

Alan's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Cary Grant (in "An Affair To Remember") & Ty Hardin