Andrew

Andrew, age 3
Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset UK (1988)

The picture shows me a little disheveled looking. I don't think I look much different these days, though my little brother here has changed a lot! I suppose the earliest sign that I was gay was that out of the four sons she had, my mother always described me saying, "He was never any trouble at all." 

I was a very gentle, sensitive child. Unlike my little brother, who was an absolute nightmare who never stopped screaming and crying!

I knew I was gay from the get-go, and it sometimes caused me embarrassment. Like entering a flower arranging competition at school, simply because I wanted to arrange flowers. 

Why? Because I loved flowers!

And I didn't think anyone would notice I was the only boy to enter a flower arranging competition. 

Unfortunately, for me, I won! 

I had to accept a prize in front of the whole school. And because I was a boy, 
I think some bitter parents bypassed the early signs I was gay. I think they assumed my mother had created the arrangement, and I was simply cheating. 

Ironically, my dad had picked the flowers, but it was all arranged by myself. 

The obvious "gay" behaviors I exhibited were never discouraged by my family.
At my grade school, I was friends with everyone in my class, and we all loved each other. So I never felt that I should be deeply worried about being different. Although, I was definitely aware of it. 

It wasn't until Jr. High when things changed and I realized my gayness was something to not draw attention to, despite it targeting me for daily insults. 

Today I can say I know that things do get better as you get older. And now I hope sometimes to bump into old bullies from school and not be scared of being gay. 

It's such a liberation, not being embarrassed or ashamed anymore. 

And I still love flowers!

_____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Andrew

Andrew, age 8

Auckland, New Zealand (1995)

I picked the fabric for this waistcoat myself. And I sure felt fabulous in rainbow houndstooth, as I'm sure any other 8-year old at his father's 40th birthday party would have - right?

I knew I was different from an early age. My dad dreaded picking me up from pre-school, as I'd always be wearing some frilly outfit from the dress up box.

I didn't realize I was gay until much later, around 13 or 14. Mostly because I didn't know it was possible! I grew up in a very sheltered Christian home, and everyone just thought I was special.

Coming out was hard for me. I was 21, and had just met the love of my life, and I knew I couldn't keep him to myself. It was awful for a few months, as my family were shocked beyond belief - nobody else was, of course! As time has passed, my family and I are able to slip into a don't ask, don't tell kind of understanding.

My partner Paul and I have been together for 3 years now. And, I'll soon be the best man at the-other-kid-in-this-photo's wedding, my best friend since birth. Someday, I hope that he can be my best man, too.

As the world gradually becomes more accepting, that just might be possible.

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (in "Saved By The Bell")

Oh, those abs!

__________________________________________________
   

Andrew

Andrew, age 9

Portadown, Northern Ireland (1979)

I always loved the stage – singing, dancing, performing, and fancy costumes. Unable to go to the local Dance School (boys in Ireland didn't dance way back then), I joined my Primary School's "Glee Club." Yes, we had one in Northern Ireland, decades before it became a 21st century phenomenon.

"A 70's Billy Elliott story, except I never became a famous dancer!"

This pic is from out Hans Christian Anderson performance for the school, and I was chosen to play The King from The King's New Clothes  - 'Look at the king, look at the king, the king is in his altogether, now altogether'. Which meant wearing a white vest top, white underpants, and white tights. I couldn't believe my luck!!! I was being allowed to wear all this in front of about 400 children and 30 teachers. Talk about pure bliss and heaven, and being in my element.

Years later, I met up with a teacher who said he'd 'never forget me until the day he died.'  When I asked him why, he replied: 'Me and the staff members witnessed what was probably your first and last erection in public that day! You were so engrossed in your character, you didn't notice a tiny little bulge downstairs'.

Needless to say, I was mortified! But in retrospect, even that couldn't detract from that moment of glory.

Years before this, my grandfather came to my defense by warning my dad to not suppress my "inappropriate" behavior. Which back then included playing with irons and vacuum cleaners, wearing my mum's heels, and pretending to be a majorette. My grandfather assured him that I'd probably outgrow that little "phase".  If only I still wanted to play with real irons and vacuum cleaners now – I wish I hadn't grown out of that. As for the other part? I guess he was wrong!

Andrew

Andrew, age 5

Toronto, Canada (1973)

I don’t seem to have any photos that, through behavior, reveal my gay nature, which I believe to be reflective of the somewhat oppressive era I grew up in. But that does not mean I didn’t know it.  My sexual identity has always been there, even present in my earliest memories - where I was far too young for it to have been learned.

"Monty on the left, me on the right"

This is my first and favorite class picture. I had an innocent little crush on Monty, the boy on the left.  He was so hip and had a cool name and awesome hair, while I had some uneven home haircut job and a boring name. It seemed like every other kid was named Andy. I remember being so excited that I got to stand beside him, and hold his hand for the class photo.

At this time I felt exactly as I was supposed to feel - happy and silly and carefree. I just happened to think boys were kinda groovy. But I was aware enough to know that it was not OK to feel that way, so I never talked about it. And I made sure I didn’t act it, and even had a girlfriend in the class. 'Cuz that’s what I thought boys were expected to do. And apparently, overcompensate. Honestly, I was 5 – I don’t think any other kid was quite so fussed about their gender role.

I just assumed that I'd ignore my feelings, grow up, and get married like everybody else. I maintained that facade for many years until I fully understood the magnitude and emptiness of that choice. I accepted that I could choose my words and actions, but could not change how I felt – how I was BORN to feel.

I look at this photo with awe that such an innocent, distant memory can remain so vivid and intimate in my mind. And that the subsequent years of suppression are elusive and forgotten.

I am far closer to this little guy than to the stoic silhouette who stood in for me while I learned that we should not have to deny who we are to fulfill someone else’s agenda.

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Fuller (on "Emergency!")

He was ruggedly handsome, had fabulous sideburns, a gruff exterior and sexy voice. I didn’t particularly like the show. I think I was too young, but I watched it frequently for some reason. I can’t imagine why.

Andrew

Andrew, age 2

Portland, Maine (1988)

I remember as a kid, I always wanted to be the mom when my playmates and I played house. Of course, this caused a lot of issues between us, as our engendered gender roles had taken effect. There was more of an uproar that my parents' son wanted to be a mother, but there were no issue with the weird girl who wanted to be the family dog. Hey, at least I still wanted to be human -- just sayin'.

"Just next door -- blowing bubbles..."

There was a lot of family disagreement on whether I should play with Barbies or not. There is obviously nothing heterosexual about a male child wanting to play with and undress female dolls.

I don't remember this picture being taken, but I do remember my family used to talk about this picture a lot. As if, this was the time JUST before I "turned."


But, what I see in this picture is myself, who was -  and always will be - queer. And who wanted to be the mother, and wanted to play with Barbies.

I never had a memory of thinking I was "normal." I was always wearing t-shirts around my waist and putting the sleeves in as if they were pockets.
I loved wearing heels - they made me taller and made a clanking sound on the linoleum floor of the kitchen, a sound I still enjoy today.

When I was younger, puberty hit pretty young for me, around the same time as the girls. I remember thinking Erik Von Detten was so hot. Disney obviously sells sex to children.

Because at 8, I remember thinking some naughty, dirty things - and even thinking about being a housewife to Erik Von Detten.

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Erik Von Detten (in "The Princess Diaries")

Andrew

Andrew, age 5

Apple Valley, MN (1982)

Be honest with yourself - even as an adult. How else would you be able to pass through your Grandma's hallway WITHOUT putting that hat on? Furthermore, how can you NOT take it out for a spin in the garden?

"Just doin' a little gardening...."

I don't remember this particular day of my life, but I remember at this age (except for all but the hat), this is how I dressed all the time. Accessories included the ever popular wristbands and knee-high tube socks with the rainbow of stripes. And, my trusty companion: A leather coin-purse with a neon green shoelace acting as my purse strap.

I honestly never felt 'different' growing up. I had wonderful parents who just let me do what I wanted, and didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do (including homework).

My older brothers teased me relentlessly, but only because they were my older brothers, and that's what they do. To that end, I realized very late in life, when I was 18, that I was gay.

It was no big deal, no big freak out; just 'this makes sense, this is who I am'

Andrew

Andrew, age 7
Ruston, LA (1984)

I was a very sweet, shy, stereotypical teacher's pet. This was snack time after my kindergarten graduation. The only thing I remember is being happy that I got to sit next to this girl. I liked her.

"Snack Time"

I knew I was gay form a very early age. My older sister was in theater, so I knew what it was. And I knew the word was "gay". We lived way out in the country, and I remember being about 5 years old, and my much older brother had his track buddies over to run around our property. I loved their super skimpy 1980's running shorts, with the white pant-liner things inside.

About my first crushes: I taped the miniseries "Elvis & Me" and watched it over and over. Later I had crushes on James Dean and Greg Louganis. I wrote letters to people to try and get Greg's address including Oprah (she wrote back but didn't give me the address) and The Advocate (who DID give me his address). Greg wrote me back and I still have the signed photo of him diving.
 
Looking back at this pic of me now?
Well - my hand gestures are still pretty much the same.

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elvis Presley
_______________________________________________
    

Andrew

Andrew, age 9

Atlanta, GA (1989)

This was taken at a 4th of July celebration we always had in the neighborhood. It was a day-long event, but my favorite part was the bike decorating contest.

"I especially love my 'Royal Wave'"

This wasn't a very good example of my skills, but I think this was after most of my decorations had fallen off after the parade. I especially love my 'Royal Wave' that I probably had been practicing for the parade.

I think I always knew I was different, and luckily I had parents who let me be myself, and never discouraged me or made me feel bad about anything I did.

This picture was one that was included in a series that my mom scanned as part of my 30th birthday last year - many of which could have been included in the Born This Way blog as well. This was the sassiest, so I chose it.

If you had shown this picture to my friends in high school I would have been mortified. Now I look back on it with fond memories and a sense of humor.

Oh, and about the matching shorts and shirt in the photo?
I'm not sure if I'm gay, or just a resident of Boca Raton! But you get the idea...

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christoper Reeve (in "Superman - The Movie")