March 21, 2011

Matt

Matt, age 7
Murfreesboro, TN (1994)

Although I was never really interested in girls, it wasn't until middle school that I realized I was gay. When I was in 6th grade, I saw Blink 182's music video for "What's My Age Again?" And in the video, the band runs all around town, naked.

It was at this point that I became intrigued by guys' bodies, and started to put the pieces together that I was gay.

I searched the internet long and hard, trying to find un-blurred pictures from that video. Alas, I was unsuccessful.

But I knew at the time, that I should be careful about what I was searching for. Because I didn't know how to clear internet search history at that point.

I admitted my homosexuality to myself early on, but I didn't completely come out until college.

Now I live out and openly, and couldn't be more happy with being honest about my sexuality.

As I look back at the picture of me with my hands on my cocked hip, my only wish is that I had come out sooner. The fears that I had at the time proved to be, for the most part, completely false.

For those struggling to come to terms with their sexuality I offer this:
Only you know when it is time to come out. But know that when you do,
you will be infinitely happier than when you were in the closet.
_____________________________________________________
What's My Age Again Coming out in College: The Struggle for a Queer Identity Gay Street: Stories of Knoxville, Tennessee Gentlemen Callers: Tennessee Williams, Homosexuality, and Mid-Twentieth-Century Drama

2 comments:

butterfly13lj said...

That is so true about coming out. Its funny, I live far from my family. So I'm "out to everyone here". Its terrific. Just recently I came out to my sister, she said, "oh I know that, Laura. And so am I!"

dare2exist said...

Wow reading these is really heartwarming but your story is so similar to mine. For me it was Blink 182 and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Heck I even looked similar to you at this age. I'm out to most friends but can't find the courage to tell my parents somehow. I have put it off for a while but somehow even now after recenty graduating college and everything, I still need to discover what it is that I want in life. I haven't really experienced much and only in the last 2 years have I really found myself at ease with being gay.