Joshua

Joshua, age 14

Paradise, California (1993)

As a child, I was generally very quiet and introverted. I always found solace and tranquility in writing rather than involving myself in social activities. But I was active in theater in my early teens and on my high school’s cross country team in my freshman year.

I first came out to my mother at the age of 15. It was pretty rewarding, and my family has always accepted me as a person regardless of differences that may exist between us. As a teenager, I was active in the local LGBT community center, and I have been fortunate that I never have been harassed or singled out for being gay.

During college though, I went back in the closet and I eventually became very religious. As a result of social pressures, I eventually married a woman.

After the birth of our first child, our marriage slowly fell apart. Around the time of our second child, I met a man whom I had brief contact with.

I soon realized I needed to confront my true identity instead of hiding behind a veil of falsehood. 

I revealed to my wife the secret that I had been hiding from her for years. She told me she always had known and was willing to accept the fact that I was gay. We came to the understanding that we would have to separate. 

I began to turn to close friends and even rabbis for moral support as I began this new phase in my life. Thankfully, I have found nothing but love and support from everybody with whom I have shared this intimate detail of my life.

As a religious Jew, I hid the secret of my sexual orientation from everybody.
But today I know that Judaism embraces the gay identity, even with certain prohibitions in regard to particular acts.

The essence of being a gay Jew, however, is acceptable in the eyes of God.

I did not know this for a long time, and had I known it, my adult life would have been much easier. 

But I am happy now and look forward to a beautiful future in which I can celebrate the internal synthesis of all the different aspects of my life.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Joshua

Joshua, age 12
Los Angeles, California (1995)

My childhood was a bumpy one. I was raised in Los Angeles by a single mother, who it turned out was suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder. Sadly, it was not as entertaining as "United States of Tara" is each week.

I knew I was different at the age of 10. Back then, I had intense crushes on all of my best friends growing up.

I bounced around between foster homes and group homes from age 10 to 15. I came out at 15, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

My best friend then knew I was in love with him, and was OK with that as long as I didn't 'try anything funny'.

And actually, after coming out, everyone was so kind and loving.

I'm now a professional ballet dancer, and I've been partnered with my husband and best friend for 7 years.


I'm going to grad school in the fall, and I'm making a documentary following a group LGBT kids in their early teens, to give voice to a younger demographic of kids experienceing this. If you'd like to participate, you can contact me HERE.

I love being gay, and I wouldn't want to be any other way. I hope my film helps kids come to that place in life a lot sooner than I did.

Things do GET better, but they'll also be better NOW if we do something about it. Someday, being young and gay will be as taboo as being young and short, or having freckles. And I want to make that day come soon.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Joshua

Joshua, age 12
San Luis Obispo, CA (1989)

I guess this was my "Brokeback Mountain" phase. My mom's side of the family were all cowboys, and this was taken right before I completely gave up on trying to fit in.

I always knew I was "different" than other little boys. I loved to put on makeup and play dress up.

And I wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer or Wonder Woman when I grew up.

I don't do well with labels, but I guess if I had to pigeonhole myself,
I would identify as gender queer.

Because when I read the definition of gender queer for the first time, it sounded just like me.


I've been married to a woman, I've procreated, and I've had sex with men and women. I'm capable of having crushes on either, but one thing I've never felt,
is confusion. I always knew just who I was. And that was just - me.

If you're young and queer, be proud.
You will always be cooler than everyone else.
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Joshua

Joshua, age 7

San Diego, California (1991)

This picture says a mouthful of words to me. I remember growing up, I always felt different. At first I thought it was just because I was an entertainer. I was the kid always hosting the family parties and putting on a show.

When I got older I realized that I didn't really have many male friends, and I always wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger - LOL!

I didn't have a gender-identity issue, I just knew I was a bit more "girly".

Then I saw George Michael's "Faith" video on VH1 before school one day, and it all made sense. That cowboy boot upon the jukebox drove me insane!

George made me all tingly inside, and those swaying hips made me swoon. Oh, how I just wanted to run my young fingertips through that greasy hair!

It all makes sense that I was born this way. And helped form the me of today:
International Drag Superstar, Rhea Litre'

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Michael

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Joshua

Joshua, age 4

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1988)

This is me and my sister Jay, herself a lesbian. Growing up, I was the youngest of 4 kids from a single mother. My mom was a hairstylist, who encouraged us to be ourselves. I was always the loner kid with the heart of gold, and I liked talking to her customers in her hair salon.

When I turned 4, my mom got me a brunette Barbie (the closest they had to a "Latina" doll at the time) in a red Corvette car, and I was in love. I'll mention that I'm the one who requested Barbie. Back then, I watched Jem, Rainbow Brite, and loved My Little Pony. When my sister and I went to McDonalds and got the boy and girl Happy Meal toys, we would trade them.

Growing up in a city of 15,000 people, but whose name signifies shiny objects such as Las Vegas, I was very different and didn't have many friends. I read a lot, and took pottery, gymnastics, tap-dancing, and acting classes.

I remember one birthday party when I was 9, and not one person attended it.
At that young age, I realized I was different, and that everyone knew it about me. And, I understood what it meant for the other kids to feel "guilt by association." When I got older, into middle and high school, I was bullied tremendously. I'd try to get through classes unnoticed, where a good day would mean not being picked on 5 separate times.

I have always been different, and that just was it. I don't remember questioning why I was gay then, and never pegged it as being gay - just different. Maybe if I'd grown up in a household with more masculine influences, or if my mom wasn't so accepting, I would have payed more attention to my traits.

But my family encouraged me to be myself, and do the things that made me learn, grow, and smile. My mom never tried to lean me towards masculine traits nor feminine, she just wanted me to be happy.

And I've learned that those differences just never really mattered.
Because in retrospect, I know I was truly was BORN THIS WAY! :-)

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ricky Martin
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Joshua

Joshua, age 6

Greenville, SC (1987)

This photo was taken at my first violin recital, where I played "Hot Cross Buns".
I remember my parents calling my violin teacher my "coach" (who's pictured), probably so I felt like I had something in common with the other boys in school!

Around the time of this pic, my Dad and I were at a Braves game in Atlanta. We went to the restroom, and instead of peeing,
I ran up to every urinal in use, pointing at the penis of the person using the urinal while yelling, 'Look Dad, a penis!'

My Dad laughed and rolled his eyes, as this was pretty common for me.

Lucky for me, I have outstanding parents and was never really in the closet. Whether it was putting on my mom's favorite yellow dress (and dancing to Linda Ronstadt's Spanish language album).


Or the time for my senior class career day presentation, when I said that my chosen career was 'escort' - my family always had my back!

I was, however, bullied pretty badly in school, especially in junior high.

Anyone can make it out, though. Today I hold down a successful PR job in NYC, live in a recording studio, and I'm in a couple of awesome bands.

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:
The Count (on "Sesame Street")
I still get butterflies!
But next in line would be Eddie Murphy and Michael Hutchence of INXS.
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Joshua

Joshua, age 7

Bradenton, Florida (1987)

I was a child who was very much in my own world. Spending most of my time drawing mermaids and princesses, I had a hard time focusing at school. I got made fun of a lot for being a girl because most of my recesses were spent playing house, trying to cartwheel, or wishing I was brave enough climb and sit on top of the monkey bars. I coped by retreating into my head, which I was very happy in, but resulted in a lot of strange outward behavior. I guess I was an odd kid.

"Easter Sunday portraits were always a good opportunity to
dress up, eat peeps, go to church - and VOGUE!"

This photo was taken on Easter Sunday before my family went to church.
I remember my mom bought us all new outfits for the occasion and needless to say - I felt very chic. I remember wanting this picture to count - so I told my sister Bethany (the one closest to me) how to pose, and then I struck one myself. I don't think my parents had any idea what I was doing. They're still relatively unfazed by this picture, and I think they're just "used to me."

I didn't fully come out until I was in my mid 20's. I was brought up in a very conservative Christian home and it took a long time for me to fully separate myself from that. I don't remember not "feeling different" though. I was obviously a very flamboyant child and I never really fit in anywhere.

I am incredibly proud of this picture. Even though I was a little late to "come out" I was always pretty fearless about expressing myself and my interests.

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

"Marky Mark" Wahlberg, Joel West, & Marcus Schenkenberg.

Obviously, I liked the 90's male models.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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