Eric

Eric, age 11

Toronto, Ontario Canada (1962)

I'm here in the middle with my younger brother and sister. I was born on a farm in a family of seven, and we moved to the city at age 5. Before moving, I was invited to stay overnight at my neighbor Maryann's place. I assumed I would sleep with her, which made her parents laugh. They refused with no explanation, leaving me puzzled and offended.

I had no sense of sexuality till the bullying started in grade 7, and even my home room teacher encouraged it. It turns out he was getting it on with a girl in class. 

I volunteered at recess to clean his blackboards so I wouldn't face the bullies.  

Instinctively, I was sucking up to him (figuratively) to neutralize him as a homophobe - before I even knew I was gay! Even that lecherous teacher was better than recess that year.

Prior to that, I had friends. And a few guys that I liked especially and who remain in my mind as innocent loves. They let me play soccer (badly) and treated me like one of the guys. I thrived on the comraderie. 

I remember in grade 8 a loudmouth teaser tormenting me in the hall, and my friend Bob grabbing him and telling him to stop taunting me. My knight in shining armor was thoroughly a jock and very handsome. Why was he so willing to stand up for me?

Bob even took figure skating classes with me for a while 'To improve my skating skills' and let me play hockey (badly) in his backyard with his other friends. 

I wish I had learned team sports, but I lacked the jock spirit. 

Instead, I filled my plate full with studies, playing piano, and skating. 

Then came high school, which was great. No taunts! I was good at gymnastics, and the teacher made a point of praising my athletic ability in gym class. 

Those were idyllic years. 

My crushes remained fantasies, but they were still vivid. 

I remained in the closet with my family, where there was much upheaval and much heartbreak. I breathed a sigh of relief when I began university far from home and could starting dating etc.

I met a very effeminate, pushy guy from the US on a choir tour, and the sex we had was a nightmare! He eventually hitchhiked back to school - unannounced - and was camped out in my dorm room when I returned, much to the hilarity of my dorm mates. I was a victim, and that episode scarred me for life!

I finally had a few good encounters, but never found someone I really wanted to be with and who really wanted to be with me.

So my story has no 'happy ending' yet. 

Sadly, I keep looking but never seem to find a stable relationship. 

I suppose I might still be the problem?

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Eric

Eric, age 2
Lille, France (1995)

I've always been different. I loved playing with girls, but not with boys or playing boys' stuff. In fact, I hated boys because they were mean to me!

I was the weird boy of the school who didn't play football, and who spent his time drawing or reading. I even had Barbie dolls.

I first realized that I might be gay at 13. I felt things for boys before, but never thought I might be gay.

When I was sure I was gay, I wanted to die. I felt ashamed and disgusted. And I swore I would only date girls.

But at age 16, and pretty sure I wasn't gay? I fell madly in love with a guy!

I was feeling so good, I knew it couldn't be wrong. However, after being rejected by this guy who didn't love me back, I finally started to come out. I first told my friends and then my parents. They were very supportive, and I feel very lucky.

Today, I am out, gay, and proud - and I love it!
And PS: I still love wearing this hat, and I still think cowboys are so sexy!

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crush:
The two guys kissing in Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" video

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Eric

Eric, age 13

Council Bluffs, Iowa (1988)

Being born and raised in a small town in Iowa, it's probably no surprise that I didn't really fit in with the other kids at school. Luckily, my father is a musician, and I've been singing since I learned how to talk. So I spent most of my childhood performing with my father all over the country!

In my pic, I'd just won a national talent competition. I was probably re-enacting the pageant in my living room, when my mom snapped me in my preferred choice of clothing. I guess some things never change.

I'm very fortunate to have very liberal & accepting parents who encouraged me to be who I am, and do what I love!

I'm 35 now, and I've been making a living by doing just that: I've traveled all over the world singing and dancing!

If I had to do it all over again, I would have come out the moment I first had a crush on a boy in the 3rd grade. People were already making fun of me, and I should have just been my authentic self.

But, I've learned that things definitely do get better. I have a great family, a close support group of friends, and I'm grateful for that every day!

I think the little boy in the picture would be pretty proud of how far he's come!

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Ritter (in "Three's Company")
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Eric

Eric, age 12

Lincoln, Illinois (1972)

I was raised on a pig farm. This picture was taken at my 12th birthday party, at a weenie roast we held in the corn crib. When I wasn't singing along to Jesus Christ Superstar, I was listening to Alice Cooper, Uriah Heep, and Frank Zappa.

"The queerest farm boy, ever"

For a farm boy, I was always a 'flashy dresser'. I wish you could see how cool that shirt is under the safari jacket.

My idol was Graham Kerr on "The Galloping Gourmet" TV show. I think for my class picture this year I had a neckerchief tied to the side.

At 12 I was already 6ft tall, so my innate flamboyance was hard to miss.

I felt like a complete alien, and 6 months after this photo was taken, I tried to kill myself. I failed, struggled through high school, and escaped to Chicago in 1979.

I met my current husband of 22 years in 1989, and in 1995 we adopted our daughter, who just turned 16.


I wish I could go back in time and whisper into this desperately unhappy boy's ear, to let him know how much love and joy he's going to experience in his life.

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Race Bannon ("The Adventures of Jonny Quest")

Bill Bixby (on "The Courtship of Eddie’s Father")
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Eric

Eric, age 4

Voorhees, New Jersey (1991)

"It's never too late
to spend a night at the opera!"

Here I am, looking fabulous during the summer of 1991 after just turning 4.

I always loved to play dress up and had the biggest and best costume box on the block. 

I was quite an odd kid and spent the early part of my childhood in Bermuda, before moving to the United States to grow up. Maybe it was the Britishness of the people around me or the Bermuda shorts with knee-high socks, but from an early age - I felt fabulous.

I always performed the most elaborate basement musicals for my family and friends and threw the nastiest diva tantrums. 

Looking back on this picture as an adult, I'm proud I expressed myself this way at such an early age; although I do wish I'd taken that Band-Aid off (beauty is pain).

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

I'd white-wash the fence with him any day

Eric

Eric, age 6

Berkeley, California (1960)

My name's Eric. I'm 6 here, and I knew I was different after this very episode! Oh how I LOVED that skirt! It swirled around and around like a dervish.

Did anybody have a clue, when the cops brought me back from my impromptu solo promenade along Shattuck Ave., the busiest street in Berkeley?

"Eric's gone!
Call the cops!"

There's something about a long silky scarf, petticoats and pearls - to make a pretty young thing like me feel BEAUTIFIL!

Old ladies always thought I was a girl anyway.

And this was an act of rebellion, of pure glamor.


I guess I wanted to get the feel for what it was like being a Princess. People noticed you. The scarf flowed nicely behind me as I sashayed away on a sparkly pink cloud. People honked.

"Hello? Police? Oh thank god! My little boy just took off...
I think he's dressed up like a, a...princess!"
 
"A what?"
 
"Yes, a princess. He's into the girly stuff right now. He's only five years old. Please, you've got to find him, he can't have gotten far! Look for the flowing pink and blue scarves, they're his favorite."

An all points bulletin went out:
"Five year old in drag - look for blond curls - blue eyes - pink scarf."

It didn't take long and I was escorted back home right up to the front door, arriving in the back seat like royalty, holding up my skirts as I stepped out.

"Hi Mom! Guess what?!"

Mom didn't punish me. Rather, she held me close like I was her precious cherub.
The cops smiled. I was fabulous!

"Here Eric, go paint what happened!"

Fantasy intact, Mom took a picture while I created the latest masterpiece.

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Paul McCartney, David Cassidy, & David Bowie 
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Eric

Eric S., age 6

St. Louis, Missouri (1978)

I realize this is not a photo of me, but perhaps it’s applicable.

At the age of 6, I somehow persuaded my strict, Mormon parents to buy me this poster.

We had just moved to St. Louis, and I guess I was in need of some new room decor.

So there he was: Andy Gibb was “hung” on the closet door in my bedroom.

He watched over my Star Wars sheets and Matchbox car collection.

Looking back, I have ask myself what my mom was thinking?


Here she was, allowing the son she was worried about to display Andy’s pink-clad, moose-knuckled, tasty niblets. My husband bought this same poster for me a few years ago, and had it framed for my birthday. It's now proudly displayed in my office – nowhere near a closet.

I understood that I was different from my two tragically-straight brothers when
I was about 4. I'd had my first gay kiss with the boy across the street, about a year after buying this poster.

We got busted by my father....
Who has been with his own husband for over 20 years now!

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Dirk Benedict (original "Battlestar Galactica"),
Mike Farrell ("M*A*S*H") & Erik Estrada ("CHiPs")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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