January 19, 2011


Chris, age 4
Great Meadows, NJ (1998)

This is a picture of me stealing my cousin's My Little Pony doll. I remember every Christmas Eve our family would have a big party and "Santa" would come and give my cousins, my brother, and I an early Christmas present for being extra good that year.

"MY Little Pony!"
Every year I would watch my cousin, Aimee, open her present in excitement. She would always unravel a brand new Barbie doll and I was always so jealous. The following years I started to ask my parents for Barbies. Luckily they couldn't say no to me, for at that age, I didn't know boys weren't supposed to play with Barbies.

I can recall from being a child that I wasn't like any of the other boys at school. They would all talk about the cool toys they played with, and how their fathers brought them on fishing trips. My father did all that too, but I never enjoyed it.

What I enjoyed most was going to work with my mother at her hair salon because we couldn't find a baby sitter. I loved to watch all the women go in a hot mess, and come out a beauty queen.

When middle school came, I remember a boy in the 8th grade had a crush on me. At that time I was only 11 years old and he was 14, and I didn't know what to do or think, so I started acting homophobic. However I knew secretly that I really had a crush on him too.

Once I got to high school I was done being a closet case. I came out at the age of 14, my freshman year. Although I am only still a Junior in high school, and only 17 years old and not quite an adult yet, I can most definitely look back and realize that I truly was born this way.

Thinking back, I feel silly now about how afraid I was of what people thought and how they would react. Luckily my family and my friends are amazing, and I am so thankful to have them in my life. It really makes me so proud to think that I am this young and this confident - especially with all the tragedies going on with gay teens my age.

Although I do not have the wisdom and years of experience as most people, I do want to say that everything will be alright. One day, that bully in high school, or that person that told you that you were wrong for being who you are?

They won't matter.

Chris' first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Leonardo DeCaprio & Jake Gyllenhaal

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You sound awfully wise to me, Chris.