January 20, 2011


"Me and my best gal pal!"
LaMar, age 5
Benton, AR (1977)

My mom took this picture of me and Connie, my best friend from next door. My dad was a man's man and a building contractor who had been doing some repairs on our roof and left the ladder leaning up against the house.

Connie and I posed by the ladder for my mom, but I decided that I would climb up on the ladder so I could be seen in the picture better.

As you can see, I'm giving my best over the shoulder look.

Growing up, my family were Jehovah's Witnesses. So, I felt different because of that, in addition to feeling different due to my sexuality. I felt like a freak among freaks. The literature that the Witnesses put out regarding homosexuality pretty much all said that if I just prayed hard enough, God would help me overcome these "unnatural feelings."

So, I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed - and nothing happened. God never changed me into a heterosexual. I took that to be because He didn't want to, not because He couldn't. So, I stopped trying. And, I did my best to get by until I was old enough to leave.

I eventually wound up living 800 miles away from my family. When I started dating my husband 13 years ago, I was so happy and I came out to my sister over the phone. I told her not to tell my parents, but I knew she would. I figured I had a week to call them and tell them myself before she burst.

When I told my mom 3 days later, she said that she had known for a long time. I'm sure my posing for this picture was a big clue for her. My dad on the other hand, wasn't quite as prepared. He told me that day, 'I'm not sure that I really understand this. I'm not sure that I like this. But, you're my son and I love you regardless.'

From that point on, my parents and I rebuilt a great relationship. At the time of his passing in 2009, my father considered my husband to be part of the family.

Looking at this picture now, all I can say is, 'Damn, I was a cute kid!'
A cute kid who was blessed to have wonderful parents who taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

LaMar's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Ricky Schroeder & Jason Bateman (both from "Silver Spoons")
Neil Patrick Harris (as "Doogie Howser, MD")
Signed Schroeder, Ricky 8x10 B&W Photo Silver Spoons - The Complete First Season Doogie Howser, M.D. - Season One 2008 Donruss Celebrity Cuts Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) Clothing Swatch Card #39/100 Made - An Actual Trading Card With Clothing Worn By This Popular Actor - Mint Condition - Shipped In A Protective ScrewDown Display Case!


foresightreviews said...

OMG! to this day NPH (coached by hugh laurie) and rick schroeder (coached by ian mckellen) have pillow fights in a secret room in my head. patrick stewart narrates.

Anonymous said...

I'm quite impressed by the reaction of your parents. My experience has been definitely different. I am happy for you, for having a family that is able to love you.


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you! I too am from a religious background and know that I love God and know that He loves me. I'm in college now and I too have tried to pray it away, but am starting realize that maybe he DID make me this way. Your story really brings hope to me.

tall penguin said...

I'm a former Jehovah's Witness whose parents are still JWs. Much to my surprise they haven't shunned me although the relationship has changed somewhat since I left. I'm happy to hear that your parents have been so accepting of you and your husband. What a gift.