Derek

Derek, age 7

Provo, Utah (1985)

Growing up, we spent every July 4th at my grandparents' house, where we'd watch BYU's Stadium Of Fire fireworks show on the front lawn. Sharlene Wells (a Utahan) had won the 1985 Miss America pageant and was a guest star at the show, and this was my tribute to her. I thought my family might get bored waiting for the show, so my solution was to bring Sharlene Wells to them. I can still remember watching her win the crown on TV, and wanting to be classy like her. I didn't know that someone so poised and perfect could be from Utah.

"Eat your heart out, Sharlene!"

I had the best Barbie collection on my street and was given a Cabbage Patch doll, named Richard, during the height of their popularity.

My Janet Jackson posters, karaoke machine, and Madonna tapes were my prized possessions growing up.

I was never ashamed for liking these things that other boys weren't playing with. To me, these things were perfectly normal.

I don't remember realizing that I was gay until much later, and I was never really taught what gay was.

Once I was older in the Mormon church, and due to my peers using "gay" as a derogatory term, I learned it was something that was different. Something that society didn't accept.

That was the first time I felt different.

I hid in the church as long as I could, before realizing that the self denial and suppression it expected from me was unfair, since this was who I was and this was how I was born. I didn't come out to myself until I was 20, and to my family a couple years after that.

I have the most amazing parents, who taught us kids to always be ourselves and to love unconditionally. They taught us to not put labels on people. They have embraced each of their children individually, and love us for exactly who we are.

My message and advice to gay kids out there is: You are heroes.

You won't know it until later, but you are heroes. By being yourself, you are changing this world for good and are instrumental in spreading love and equality awareness. If you feel alone, please reach out to one of the amazing organizations that are out there, and surround yourself with people who make the foundation you stand on even stronger.

Derek's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Pierce Brosnan (in "Remington Steele")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Derek

Derek, age 2

Paterson, New Jersey (1986)

Here I am, clad in rainbows and airplanes as a happy-go-lucky toddler.
No wonder I turned out so gay and proud! Granted, I don't remember much at such a young age.

We were an upper-middle class family, and I had a big back yard with a play house and woods behind it. I remember wanting to play "house" and dress up my stuffed animals and dolls.

Emily, my next door neighbor, was a best friend at the time, and we would run around naked and just had the best time together.

My first memory of a same-sex crush was at age 5. Disney's "Shipwrecked" movie premiered, featuring a young, blond-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian boy on a ship with pirates.


He was about 12 years old - the perfect age for a flowering 5-year-old boy with a crush, right? I idolized this boy in the movie to the point of nausea.

I asked my mother if it was OK to like a boy, and she responded - 'Honey, I had female role models growing up. You can like whomever you want.' Granted, this wasn't exactly a 'Go-ahead, be a big homo' response, but it nonetheless validated my feelings towards other boys.

Another validating and affirming motherly moment was when I was 12. "Saved By The Bell" was huge, and I had the BIGGEST crush on Zack Morris. So much so, that my mother even took me to the grocery store to help me find teeny-bopper magazines - which were 100% marketed towards girls. But I had to have the full, pull-out pin-up posters of my studly suave crush!

I'd then hang them in my room, sometimes questioned by male peers of mine. To which I would respond, 'I think he's really cool' - and I thought it was all totally normal, because my mother had normalized those feelings for me.

So to all the young, unsure-of-themselves, LGBT populations out there:

Everything Gets Better!

There are people like you, living, breathing, and crushing on the same same-sex stars as you, and it is OK! Do not let anyone tear you down or bully you. You are beautiful, and that beauty will shine so bright someday, that those bullies will want to BE YOU.

Push past all the negativity in schools and keep shining like the brightest star you know you are!

PS - This pic is courtesy of my mother in rural California, who took the time to remove the original frame at her house, bring it to work to scan it, and email it to me. All of this, after having seen your website and really loving it! So thanks for having this available!

Derek's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Stian Smestad (Haakon in "Shipwrecked")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow this blog with Bloglovin' Tweet