Brian

Brian, age 5

Columbus, OH (1972)

In this photo I'm engaging in one of my early childhood's favorite activities: dancing in my grandmother's high heels. I would sneak into her closet and emerge wearing my favorite pair - her black patent-leather pumps.

"Step, 2, 3, 4 - Turn, 2, 3, 4"

That's my little brother who I'm showing the ropes - and sharing those favorite shoes.

I don't recall this particular moment, but the script usually went like this:

'Hey, do it this way.
Step, 2, 3, 4 - turn, 2, 3, 4.'
(I was a little bossy. They called me the Mother Hen).

My mother informed me we were at my grandmother's house, and it's probably her holding the camera, encouraging us at every turn and laughing - much to my father's dismay.

In the next shot, my brother and I are smiling for the camera; my brother's grin fittingly shy, but I'm mugging like a Hollywood bigshot.

Soon came other distractions, like baseball (yeah!) and football (hated it!) and soccer (yaaawn), and Scouting (the organization AND the boys). But by 13,
I was refusing to play catch with my father and I quit the Boy Scouts after I heard an older, bracingly handsome Eagle Scout call someone a 'fag'.
That was that for me, and I wanted out.

I've always known that I'm solely attracted to men. Always. My earliest memory is of a good friend of my parents named Luke. Or, more accurately, his hairy forearms. An odd thing for a 5-year-old to recall, to be sure.

I'm the middle son of 3 boys. Surely my father (an Air Force enlistee) thought he'd hit the genealogical jackpot with my brothers and me. Just think of it: three chances to pass on the family name! Little did he know that none of us would grow up to produce any children.

Incidentally though, I'm the only gay child in the family.

I love this photo of me and my brother. It makes me laugh, and I was such a free spirit. I still am, thanks in large part to the love and support of the women in my life, notably my mother and my grandmother.

Brian's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lance Kerwin (from "James At 15")

Lee Majors ("The Six-Million Dollar Man")
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Brian

Brian, age 5

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1973)

Here I am, with my cousin Terri - my first, smartest, and sassiest friend.

This image was rescued by my uncle from one of those photo buttons they sometimes sold at carnivals and in the 1970's. The carny would snap a Polaroid picture and use a big metal contraption to cut and encase the actual photograph inside a saucer-sized "button."

I think my parents paid for the photo-button to be made as a gift for my grandmother, because it sat accusingly on her family picture sideboard for decades. More recently, my photographer uncle digitized the photograph itself by dismantling the button. I have no idea why he then color treated the image.

I was quiet, sensitive, and non-athletic from the get go. I cared little for typical boy things, like playing outside, running, or throwing balls at people. And I only participated in such activities under duress, or my father's intimidating insistence.

I much preferred to watch TV, crayon-color, or play with my collection of GI Joe, Ken and Six Million Dollar Man dolls.

And I learned early on that the best protection from mean boys was a tough, fearless girl. It was not until the 2nd grade that I consciously trained myself never to show a dangly or "limp" wrist.

Brian's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Matthew Laborteaux (Albert from "Little House on the Prairie")
Ike Eisenmann (Tony from "Witch Mountain" movies) 
Zan (from "Superfriends")
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