Patrick

Patrick, age 7
Paris, France (1971)

Growing up, I remember photographers going around with wild animals on the Italian beaches, to get people to have their picture taken with them.

They then gave you a card and you'd go to pick up the picture. I found this one in my grandmother's treasure chest last summer, after she died.

Although I had forgotten everything about it, the picture brought back memories:
It was my first encounter with a hairy creature trying to kiss me!

I was thrilled and afraid. But in the end, I let him kiss me.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Patrick

Patrick, age 4
Sydney, NSW Australia (1988)

Many people here say how "different" they felt. At a very early age, I always had a pretty strong concept of my own ego. When I was around 7, I wondered if I was the only real person, and that everyone around me was there kind of robotically, for my benefit. So in my mind, it was everyone else that was different.

This type of thinking allowed me to be whoever I felt I was for my entire childhood. This included loving Rainbow Brite, having a Cabbage Patch doll named Vernon, learning how to do hair on My Little Pony dolls, and dancing with my friend Bree to Cher's "Shoop Shoop" song.

I was a kind of girly and hung out with my girlfriend in dance class.
We had blatant conversations about sex from an early age, and we were both fairly inquisitive.

She was a tomboy and the most popular girl in school. I spoke to her a while back, and she confirmed that she's a lesbian.

My parents moved me away during high school from a place where someone would get bashed for picking on me, to a school in the country where bigotry was standard. I wasn't popular anymore and didn't know a soul. But the person I loved the most was my best friend Michael. To get around being able to talk to Michael about my feelings for him, I described my super crush in question form.

I also treated Michael like sh*t. I did this because I loved him so much, but I knew deep down I could never have him. No matter how many times we slept in the same bed. I used to cry myself to sleep every night because it was heartbreaking to me that gender meant so much to the world, when it meant nothing to me.

My coming out story was so much simpler. Rather than sit people down to give them some 'big news,' I just started being honest. If I thought a guy was hot, I would say so. Same as with a girl. I was the first person to come out at my country high school, and I only got called a f*ggot once.

I'm a bit of an outcast in the gay community though, as I'm more physically attracted to men, more emotionally attracted to women, and don't particularly like to have sex with either. I think that was due to my gender nonchalance, and being the go-to guy in college when the straight guys wanted to experiment.

Even though it wasn't something I particularly loved, I was helping someone out with their own sexuality. And, getting my own little piece of Michael every time.

PS: I was so fashion forward, I knew Hawaiian shirts would be in a decade early.

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Macaulay Culkin (in "Home Alone")
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Patrick

Patrick, age 8

Pascagoula, MS (1988)

From an early age I was one of those little boys that liked to play dress up. I never cross dressed exactly, but feminine accessories interested me.

I was about 6 when my grandma caught me playing with her "robber purse", a decoy purse with a $10 bill she left lying around the house.

At 8, my cousin caught me trying on this French beret and scarf, seen in my pic. I guess I grew out of all this, as I'm not at all into fashion now, and never wear scarves.

I'd be lying if I said I knew from an early age I was gay. I suspected in high school, and didn't really deal with it until I was in college. The writing was on the wall though.

I did always know that I was a little different, and more quiet and contemplative than most kids. My favorite things in the world was watching "The Golden Girls," "Designing Women," and "Steel Magnolias" with my grandma.

This was all fun and normal to me, until I grew up enough to be tainted by the outside world's idea of what "normal" was.

My family was great though, always letting me just be myself. When I finally came out to my folks, their response was that they had suspected it since I was barely 5 years old!

There was actually a big "what if" discussion about it, when I came swishing into the room, as my parents and their friends sat around at a party. In hindsight,
I wish they would have told me.

My coming out may have been easy, but it didn't make growing up gay in small town Mississippi easy. Peers were not so understanding, and life was pretty tough until college. But as I have grown up, things have gotten better. And in college,
I finally began to integrate all the feelings I had been having.

The biggest thing I want kids to realize, is that all of those things that made me so different back then, just make me interesting and fun to others now. When I talk to my gay friends about growing up, most of them have had similar experiences.

So to all the questioning, curious, LGBTQ kids out there, I say: Hang in there!
Just be yourself, and it will all come out in the wash.

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Michael J. Fox

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Patrick

Patrick, age 5

Denver, CO (1987)

My mom would lovingly tell me "You are the sweetest little boy" over and over as a child. Little did she know how she would deny the news, when I actually came out of the closet at age 17. I mean seriously, I wanted to watch the Rainbow Brite movie in the theater, "Fame" was my favorite TV show, and of course, I just had to have a My Little Pony to brush its hair. Funny thing is, I never thought of myself as being gay, I just was.

On the first day of 1st grade, I gave my weeks' worth of lunch money to the cutest boy in class. My first group of friends were all girls (of course). We would all giggle together about the cutest boys in the 5th grade. I even fought a boy I liked in the 2nd grade, because he let a girl kiss him!

Life was great, until I switched schools in the 6th grade. A school where no one knew about all my crayoned 'when I grow up' drawings, depicting me holding a mic on stage with black slacks and a sparkly white glove. That's when the the bullying began, and the hinges of the closet door creaked shut.

But I endured, and in high school I found a circle of an "on-the-down-low" group of friends, and my self-acceptance began. I realized I was much much, much happier being out than being in. But without planning it, the words just burst out.

When I first came out my mom, she wasn't very accepting. However, she has slowly learned to realize that her sweet, sugary boy had never left - he's just a little more refined now.
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Patrick

Patrick, age 11

Niagara Falls, NY (1968)

I loved school photo day and the opportunity that it brought to break out of the uniform white or blue shirt with navy tie. Looking back, this year seemed to be a turning point - in all the school pix previous to this, my hair was full of cowlicks. During high school, I used to go to the men's salon for a wash and blow-dry before all the big events, like semi-formals & proms. How gay is that?

"God, I wish I still had that hair"

Growing up, many of my friends were girls. At a birthday party - Ooh, another chance to dress up! - where the boys and girls were expected to sit at same-sex tables for cake. The hostess suggested several times that I sit at the boys' table. It didn't happen.

How gay is that?

I recently played the When/What Was Your First Concert? game with some colleagues.

Mine? Liza Minnelli, 9th grade. OMG! How gay is that? I also saw Bette Midler in 10th grade, but Elton John had to wait ‘til I was a freshman in college.

It wasn't until I moved to a large East Coast city after college that I started my coming out. And you know what? It turns out that just about everyone knew I was gay! Why didn't someone say something sooner?

I always felt different from the rest and muddled through as best I could. While I learned that self-imposed isolation could protect me from some types of harassment, I don't recommend it as an effective tool for the long haul, especially these days.

Talk about it.  Somebody will listen. 

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Luke Halpin (Sandy on “Flipper”)

Race Bannon (on "Jonny Quest")

I guess I had a thing for blonds. But crushing on a male cartoon character? OMG! How gay is THAT?

Patrick

Patrick, age 6
Detroit, MI (1993)

From the jump there were plenty of "pink flags" that clued in that I was gay. I was an extremely naive, gentle, sensitive soul that HATED anything associated with masculinity - but not by choice of course (LOL!)

I was more interested in music, dancing and sarcasm. ;) I remember playing house with my next door neighbor very frequently (as early as 3) and ALWAYS being the wife.

Also, my very first same-sex kiss was at age 13 with another neighbor boy, and that's when I was sure that I was - as they say - "strictly dickly".

I cried a hell of a lot before this pic could be taken.



It's funny to think that now I have a penchant for theatrics in photos.

I'm fond of this picture, but not because of the fugly sweater I'm wearing. Rather, I'm fond that despite how much I bawled beforehand (it was bad), how amazing a picture it turned out to be. 

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Mario Lopez (AC Slater on "Saved By The Bell")
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