Jessica

Jessica, age 1

Tasmania, Australia (1993)

I am on the right and my twin sister is on the left, looking at the camera. At this young age, I had no idea I was gay. However, looking at this photo now, I am clearly more into that kiss than my twin sister Emily. 

I grew up in a highly Christian home and grew up thinking I hated gay people. 
I even said things like that a lot. Hating myself was more like it. Just after my parents started their own church, I made a joke that if they didn't let me date this boy I liked, I might just date girls instead!

There was so much truth in what I said, yet no one had any idea.

My parents took their 'discovery' of my sexuality really badly. I had my first girlfriend was when I was 14, and she was not welcomed. Even though I was sent to a private school, no matter where I went I found girls to love!

My parents have come such a long way in their acceptance of me. But more importantly, I have discovered my true self. I also discovered in time that I didn't have to look, dress, or act a certain way to be a lesbian.

I am now a very happy, highly feminine woman who loves the 1950's and red lipstick. I am a pinup model, a dancer, and a gay activist for my community.

I've been engaged for over a year and have big gay plans for my life with my beautiful partner. And that includes many kisses like the one in my photo!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jessica

Jessica, age 4

Chicago, IL (1991)

I first stumbled over this photo when I was in high school and deeply closeted. I remember giving a little gasp of surprise and hurriedly hiding it among my private things, trying to deflect as much attention away from suspicions about my sexuality as possible. Other times, I'd privately take the picture out and smile, thinking, 'Here's proof that my same-sex attraction preceded any adolescent trauma!' as was the accepted hypothesis at the time.

"Despite incriminating evidence suggesting otherwise, Christina turned
out to be completely straight and still a good friend and ally"

So this is a pic of me and my two cousins, and I'm the little one at the end.
It was most likely taken at an O'Hare Airport terminal, back when visitors were still allowed to accompany passengers boarding planes. It was apparent to everyone at the time how I always became extra silly and giggly when Christina came to visit - but it wasn't apparent to me for 10 more years that I was attracted to women.

I dutifully wore the pretty dresses my mother and grandmother bought for their little girl, but with the understanding that the fine stitching and ripped tights wouldn't deter me from climbing trees, wading through creeks, and doing headstands. In fact, my grandmother still tells the story of how, when scolded that I shouldn't be doing headstands in a dress because my underwear was showing, I neatly addressed that problem -  by taking my underwear off!

As an adult, I'm comfortable with myself and out to friends and family who admit that they 'sometimes wondered' or 'kinda thought I might end up that way'. In retrospect, I wish they'd brought it up with me back then, or introduced me to some gay role models. Or, made an effort to show me they were always as accepting and inclusive toward the gay community as they claim. That would have saved me about 5 years of shame and self-abuse.

Someday I hope to be a parent myself, and my children will always know that someday they may start to like boys or may start to like girls - or both, or neither - and whichever fate chooses for them, together we will celebrate it.

Jessica's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Julie Andrews (in "The Sound Of Music")