August 21, 2011


Gérard, age 8
New Orleans, LA (1974)

The birthday teddy bear is Pierre and that's my beautiful mother, Judith. I hadn't seen her in about a year, so this day was special, as she had come home. My parents had a tumultuous marriage, and she often ran away from her problems.

As I saw her arriving from afar, I didn't recognize her at first. But I remembered the wind blowing through her hair and playfully ruffling her skirt. Her vision was beautiful, statuesque, and breathtaking.

My parents had 10 kids, and I was the youngest and gayest. By 8 I knew I was different than my 4 older brothers and father. I had more fun with my 5 sisters than any young male child should have.

The fact that I had a huge teddy bear in my hands, at that age, was proof enough. My love for musicals hinted also.

I was called "sissy" and "girl" etc. by my siblings and others. And unfortunately, my parents were Jehovah's Witnesses for a time. I joined when I was much older.

I was trying to escape my gayness, and was "disfellowshipped" at age 21, because
I kissed a guy. By that time, my mother had passed on when I was 17, so I was dealing with a lot. I tried suicide many times and, thankfully, never succeeded.

Now, I'm almost 45 and I'm very happy that I'm still here.
Presently, I'm single, but I know there's love out there for me.

As for you, just be who you are! LOVE yourself, and don't waste time trying to live the life others hope for you. It's not worth it. Remember that you were born this way, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Gérard's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Michael Gray (Billy Baxton on "Shazam")
Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam: Mr. Mind over MatterI'm Perfect, You're Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah's Witness UpbringingLouisiana Off the Beaten Path, 9th: A Guide to Unique Places (Off the Beaten Path Series)Queer in Black and White: Interraciality, Same Sex Desire, and Contemporary African American Culture

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Unknown said...

SO glad that you are here to tell your story!

Anonymous said...

Wow, a very cute boy and touching story! Happy you never succeeded and hope you will find (more) happiness in life!

Anyway, I'm always open to make new friends and have a chat!

Hilton said...

Hang in there. It took until I was 68 for real love to find me, but did We've been together 3+ years now. Don't give up hope. It will happen when you least expect it. Good luck...