Jack

Jack, age 2

Chicago, Illinois (1969)

This photo should be in the dictionary under foreshadowing. Looking at my baby picture now, I find it extremely funny. And think at some point, my mother most likely HATED that damn toy box. 

As a kid, I was all about watching TV. "Dallas" was my favorite, but my mom didn’t let me watch "Dynasty" because there was a gay character on it. 

In my teens, music (and especially Laura Branigan) was my obsession. I even managed to meet the woman three times in the mid-80's.

I’d have to say that my first man-crush was Michael Landon from his "Little House On The Prairie" days. But it was my obsession with Lindsay Wagner in "The Bionic Woman" during the 5th grade that started the years of bullying. 

We were inside for recess and I was pretending to be bionic. Of course, I couldn’t say that I was pretending to be Steve Austin - it had to be Jamie Summers. 
Thankfully, though, the teasing finally ended during my senior year of high school.

The truth is, I can’t remember NOT knowing that I was gay. But I fought it tooth and nail until the spring of 1986 (the end of my freshman year of college) when I gave in to my primal urges and kissed a boy on the lips (and some other things).

I had a long coming out process starting with my college friends, friends at home, my family (cousins, sisters, aunts), followed by sharing with my parents when I turned 30. And no, it wasn’t any kind of surprise.   

Today, I'm a happy, well-adjusted 46 year-old gay man living in Chicago. I'm the Director of Operations for a Healthcare IT company and have been happily partnered for the past 7 years.  

The funny thing is, everyone loves my partner – especially my parents. So sometimes life just works out, even after living through some hellish times as a kid.   

I imagine it’s easier to be gay these days, but for all of the kids who find it hard to accept and might not have the strength to come out, my message is:

Be strong, be yourself, and know that it does get better.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jack

Jack, age 12

Pauls Valley, Oklahoma (1987)

This photo is more about my mom than about me. As you can see, I was an aspiring decorator in my mother's classroom at age 12. I loved any holiday, and we had decorations for all of them, but Christmas took the cake.

As a teacher's kid, hanging out at the school after hours, but before everyone went home, was a magic time.

Only other teachers' kids would truly understand the power of feeling like you OWNED the building.

I have such a clear memory of the day this picture was taken.

I BEGGED my mom to let me decorate her room for the holiday, and of course, she let me. Why I chose to wrap myself up in all this  tinsel like the love child of Lady Gaga and Jayne Mansfield, I don't know.

I remember performing a little dance around the room to some bad 80's music, for all of the other teachers' kids. Getting other people to laugh was a constant coping mechanism for me, and I remember consciously thinking to myself:
"They can't hit you if they're laughing - even if it's AT you."

My mom came in the room to witness the scene, thought it was hilarious as always, grabbed her camera, and took a picture. She always pushed me to try new things, but never deterred me from being myself, which may have included a (very, very short) stint as a local fashion model at age 13.

Now as a happy gay man in my early 30's I can't tell you how lucky I was to have a mom that just loved me, for all I brought to the table. Even in Oklahoma.

As much as middle or high school can totally suck, the message I can leave with those reading this small snippet of my life is:

Love yourself in the now, and for all that you bring to the table.

A testament to that is I can now OWN this picture, and love me for who I have always been. Though I am a bit ashamed of the ugly cable knit sweater...
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jack

Jack, age 6

Portsmouth, RI (1963)

This photo was taken in my parents living room, which I fondly remember with 50's furniture and knick-knacks, and which I cherish till this day. And there I am posing with my Kimono, a gift from my Aunt Irma and Uncle Jim who were stationed in Japan at the time. In pictures of me as a child I always seemed happy and always smiled for the cameras.

But from an early age I realized I wasn't like the other boys, and I always knew that. I wasn't a fan of sports (although my father and grandfather loved them with a passion I never understood). While I was happy to play sports, I didn't care much if I won or lost - I was just happy to play.

As such, I was usually picked last to play on a team. I absolutely loved playing with GI Joe dolls, but mine were never fighting - they were usually packing up their uniforms to go on vacation to the beach. LOL!

I always loved the idea of vacations and travel. When I got older, (around 13)
I use to pack a small suitcase and take a bus to the local airport and sit at the departure gates pretending I was going on vacation. At the end of the day I would simply take the bus home.

In hindsight I guess kids knew I was slightly "different," and I guess I don't remember a time in my life that I didn't know I was different, although gay wasn't the word I attributed it to. I never formed a lot of friendship with other boys while growing up, and more easily formed friendships with girls. But I did have a couple of good male friends while growing up in high school.

During college, I formed a number of strong male friendships, with a strong emphasis on drinking. However, I guess my choices of TV watching in the 60's being the annual airings of The Wizard of Oz and Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella should have told me something.

Like many others my age, my efforts at being straight and entering marriage eventually failed. However - that marriage resulted in two wonderful children am I thankful for every day, who accept me the way I am. Coming out wasn't a perfect experience for me by any means, and I put it off until my early 40's. But then again, coming out is usually not perfect experience for anyone.

I have a great family who I love dearly. I have to especially thank my partner of 15 years who has made my life complete and who I love dearly. He challenges me to be a better person almost daily. Without him, I would probably have remained in the closet for many more years, wasting additional time.

Life is very good being the real me.
And I don't have any doubt about it - I was born this way.

Jack's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark Goddard (Major Don West on "Lost In Space")