Richard

Richard, age 2

Seattle, WA (1979)

Yup, that's me in a dress. I was 2, and a neighbor had given my stylish mom a hand-made, hand-me-down patchwork dress. And being their only child at the time, my folks thought it would be hilarious to have a little photo-shoot. As you can see, I enjoyed it a little too much.

Now, I'm not saying that my mom putting me in a dress made me gay.

I first knew something was up at age 11. I was being called gay and I didn't even know what it meant.

Remember kids, this was way before we could Google stuff.

Also then, I had a poster of MacGyver (my then favorite TV show) on my wall. I recall being drawn into Richard Dean Anderson’s seductive eyes, and we locked lips.

Well, my lips were locked onto a glossy poster over cool Gyprock plaster.

Through my first couple years of junior high, as much as I tried to keep on the down-low, I was subject to bullying. And I would fake being sick to stay at home. Ah, my thespian talents!

By senior year, I had taken those same thespian talents and won over my class, as I proudly owned up to my love of theater. And I let it be known that anyone who labeled it uncool was not worth my time.

It was also senior year that I secretly, semi-officially came out to my best girl friend (who I was rumored to be dating.) Despite being miles away, she continues to me be my rock and is there for me when I've needed her the most.

I came out to my parents when I was 19, after I moved to New York. They were confused and concerned at first, but they knew I wasn't a dummy. And they have always supported me in anything that made me happy.

How lucky am I to have such amazing parents? But looking back on this photo, how could I expect any less from them. They set up my first drag photo shoot!

Richard's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Richard Dean Anderson (on "MacGyver")

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Richard

Richard, age 7

Buena Vista, GA (1996)

This photo was during Christmastime at my step-grandmother's house. I'd asked for clothes, a pirate ship, and a few other toys. I had a vivid imagination, I loved to learn (at times), and to draw (I won first prize many times in art contests), and to escape from reality with my childhood toys.

Growing up in Georgia, my lack of masculine interests were more subtle. I hated hunting, and I would not touch fish or worms when fishing.

I didn't realize I was categorized as gay/feminine until my family and friends began to point it out.

In our culture, gay and feminine are tied together a lot. And around age 11, I began to realize that some of my traits were not desired, or to be seen or heard.

My grandfather, Peapaw, wanted me to play sports, which I didn't care for at all.

My step-mother once told me I looked like a sissy when I had a travel bag over my shoulder or my hands on my hips (like in the photo). I also enjoyed playing mommy or house with my sister and her friends. But the ridicule made me afraid to do things like this. I also didn't have the most masculine behavior or voice.

The older I got, the more afraid I got of being myself. I tried the track team,
I tried hanging with guys, and I attempted to spend more time with my father on his construction jobs. The guys I tried to befriend made me nervous, and I realized I was kind of attracted to some of them.

Coming out was stressful and depressing. There were times where I really wanted to go into the woods and kill myself. I knew I was gay at 11, and my father found out through church members and small town gossip. The pastor at my church asked me to leave and to not come back unless I wanted to change. I did not, and haven't been back to a church since.

During Junior prom, I confirmed it with everyone by dancing with my first boyfriend. High school and family life was rough, but I had a group of supportive school friends who were always there for me. I did get bullied though, as I was the only openly gay guy at school. I'm thankful that my gay uncle and his partner helped me during this time, because he suffered similar things with my family and had left. I am so thankful for that, as it encouraged me a lot!

Today at 21 and being out for 5 years, I've realized that I am who I am! My whole family knows, but most are not okay with me being gay. This is the reason I moved from my hometown to a more accepting city. I have a deep country accent, and no longer a girly voice. I'm a very emotional person and a very caring person, and I want children and a husband one day.

But does the fact of my sexuality matter!? No, I am ME!
Categorize me as gay, masculine, or not - and I WAS born this way!

Richard's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Aaron Carter, Lance Bass, Zac Efron

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Richard

Richard, age 6 

Long Island, New York (1955)

This photo was shot in the enclosed back porch of my parents' house. Check all the kitschy '50's furniture, fabric patterns, and light shade. And there's me, posing with the vase of flowers, picked freshly from our yard. Look at that toothy smile and long eyelashes. I always wanted to be posing with flowers, or dressed in colorful clothes.

"See my beautiful flowers?"

And I just wasn't like the other boys, plain and simple. I hated sports, was never any good at them, always picked last to play on a team at forced physical education baseball in school.

And, constantly made fun of in the schoolyard. The bullies chased me around, called me names, and occasionally beat me up.

My real first friends were the girls in the suburban neighborhood where we grew up. 

Playing with dolls together? THAT was fun, and much to my parents chagrin and disappointment.

I'm sure all the kids knew I was different, though gay was not a word in our vocabulary back then in the 1950's. I think the verb to describe my activity back then was prancing. I pranced around a lot from place to place, room to room.

When I came home from school and would absolutely not go out to play ball with the boys, I usually stayed inside and hung out with my Russian-born, non-English speaking Jewish grandmother. She taught me how to cook and not be fearful of the kitchen and its utensils and stove. When my mom had friends over for card games, which was regularly, I served the little sandwiches she'd made and also the drinks.

Without a doubt, I always knew I was gay. But without ever knowing that word. From about age 5, I remember feeling this attraction to some of my older brother's male friends and my older male cousins. I think my first real 'crush' was on Peter Pan, though little did I know it was the actress Mary Martin playing a boy - talk about gender confusion?!

Watching that historic live telecast of the musical in black & white in 1955, I was mesmerized. And I remember feeling something like love and lust for that 'boy in tights' flying around on TV and singing his heart out, who would 'never grow up'.

Richard's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Reeves (TV's "Superman")

I think there's a tights theme here? A few years later my first real heartthrob was Richard Chamberlain as "Dr. Kildare"