Ernie

Ernie, 6

El Cerrito, CA (1982)

Here, I'm standing in the yard of our old house in El Cerrito, in front of the dozens of flowers my mom would plant. That house was convenient, as there was a community center with a swimming pool close by, plus a Safeway and a Baskin-Robbins. And, there was an adult bookstore nearby too, which had a sign outside: "Arcade, 25 Cents." As we drove by - usually to church, mind you - I'd always ask my sister if we could ever stop by and play a video game or two.
'No,' she would reply dryly, eyes fixed to the road.

It's 20 years since the photo was taken, and I’m trying to figure why on Earth
I would pose like this, and I can only think of two things:

One: Putting a foot on a box or a bunch of rocks was the thing to do for kids wanting to look cool. Or Two: Judging by how I have my legs crossed - knee-over-knee, while standing - maybe I'm trying to channel on of those come-hither Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover models.

By junior high, I would learn that the ankle-atop-knee method of leg-crossing was preferred, not the knee-over-knee method. That is, if you didn’t want to get your ass beat in the school lunch room by the other Asian kids who were, in turn, being beat up by the White and Black kids. Clearly, I had not figured that out yet.

But I like how brazen I am in this photo. It's as if I'm on Solid Gold, a show my mom and dad would let me watch as long I practiced the piano for an hour.

Or, I am Miss America - and those f*cking pink and purple flowers in the back are the other 51 bitches who ain’t as fabulous as me.

Ernie's first, famous-person same sex crush:

He wasn't famous: He was a Japanese exchange student in 2nd grade. Minimal English, moved away after the school year, and doomed from the start.
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Brennen

Brennen, age 8

Seattle, WA (1996)

This was shot while shopping for new school clothes, at a visit to the park next door. My 4-year old sister decided it was too warm to wear any clothes at all (hey, we're Scandinavian). Grunge music was huge in Seattle, so my 12-year-old sister was dressed in a plaid button-up. If you saw pictures of her back then, you'd think she grew up to be a lesbian. But there is only one gay in this family.

"Posing as a statue"

I was a latchkey kid of the 90s, so I had little in the way of supervision most days. TV was a big part of me back then: "X Files," "I Love Lucy" reruns on Nick-at-Nite, "Singled Out" on MTV , and "Goddess Kring" on Seattle's public access channel. She's a local, late-night icon of sorts, infamous for her on-air acid trips, poetry, and naked, glittered body.

"Daria," "Beavis & Butthead," and "South Park" were other favorites. My family connected to the Internet in 1998, and I took to it like a duck to water. Let's just say that there were very few safeguards for children on AOL then - and leave it at that.

I've always known I was different. My only friends were girls and adults, and I distinctly remember complaining that the Power Rangers were "too violent" when the other boys talked about it in class. My dad "encouraged" (read: forced) me to play softball, but I'd sit on the sidelines with my friend Megan, waiting for the donuts and apple juice after the game.

I never really equated my being different to anything more than a personal quirk, and I've always been awkward. The only difference between being aloof as a kid and aloof as an adult is confidence.

Hot pink was my favorite color, and I loved to draw pictures of chrysanthemums (I was the only 4-year-old who could pronounce chrysanthemum), fuchsias, and my cat Gingersnap. The other day, my mom apologized to me for never letting me buy the hot pink sandals I always wanted as a kid. I also remember furtively snatching the men's underwear ads from Sears and Target out of the recycling bins, but I never really added it all up with the conclusion that I was "gay".

Seattle is a good place to be gay. I was lucky to grow up there, and with the parents I have. When I came out to them at 16, I basically said, 'You probably already figured this out, but...I'm gay'. My parents were surprised (they actually hadn't figured it out), but it changed little about our relationship. In fact, the first thing they said was, 'This doesn't change anything, we still love you.'

For anyone growing up gay today, I'm happy to report that things are only getting better. Be true to yourself; if someone cannot accept you as who you are, they are not worth your time. But it is very rare you will ever meet people like that, I promise!

Brennen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Danny Roberts (on MTV's "Real World: New Orleans")

Gael Garcia Bernal usurped his throne a year later, and I often wonder if seeing David Duchovny in a Speedo on 'The X Files' could have made me gay.

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Txus

Txus, age 1

Tarragona, Spain (1975)

I love this poor, sweet, queer girl - because back then I didn't know that life could be so hard for tender and different people. I just looked upon the world with fear. Now I know I must be brave every day to thank all the activist people who fought for me to be Free, Gay and Happy.

My message for young gay kids now is: Each and every one of you are beautiful, different and special. You have to love you as you are - young, gay and gorgeous - and always find someone at your side. You must believe in yourself and be strong to live without fear. Nobody can prevent you to love or show you how you really are.

We must keep fighting for more freedom.
I've posted some words and poetry about it here.

Txus' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Julie Andrews (in "The Sound Of Music")

And definitely in 'Victor, Victoria'!

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Ted

Ted, age 2

Branford, CT (1986)

So this is me aged 2 or so, probably taken while my family was living overseas. When we moved back to the states we settled in southern Connecticut, where I grew up.

The earliest sign that I was gay was in kindergarten. My classmates and I were taking turns picking each other up, trying to see who was strongest. When it was my turn,
I wrapped my arms around a male classmate's hips and lifted. I didn't recognize it at the time, but in retrospect - that funny feeling I got was definitely the very early manifestation of budding homosexuality.

As a child I was athletic, curious, adventurous, and perhaps a bit reckless to boot. I also wanted a Minnie Mouse lunch box, a Tinkerbell design on my blanket, and played with Barbies a lot.

I'm sure my parents noticed my ignorance of gender norms, but they never made any attempt to stifle me, nor to encourage me more towards hetero-normative activities.

And so I got the My Little Pony collection for my 6th birthday, and fake vomit for Christmas, and I was happy.

In addition to the good fortune of having such caring and nurturing parents,
I also benefited from being a 'low key' gay child by the time I hit 5th grade. I was saved the middle school torment, and in the relative shelter of sexual ambiguity, I was able begin to understand who I was. It was this same quality that went on to spare me from a potentially disastrous Catholic boy's college prep school experience. 

For me - as for many gay men and women, I'd imagine - high school was trying. I felt isolated, confused, and frustrated on a near daily basis. It wasn't until long after I'd graduated, until the advent and rapid spread of Facebook, that I came to find that I was not the only gay member of my class, as I had assumed. As it turned out, there were more of us than I could have ever imagined.

And so, to the generation of gay boys and girls who are forging their way through middle school and high school now, I would like to say this: We are everywhere. Being gay is not a result of class, race, creed, or station.

So we are in every school, town, state, and political party - and always have been.
You may not always see us, but we are always nearby.

Ted's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Ryan Phillipe (in "54")
John Goodman (in "Roseanne")
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