Luke

Luke, age 5
Liverpool, Pennsylvania (1989)

For a long time, being gay wasn't even about me. I know it should have been, but being gay was about proving the jerks at school right, or possibly alienating or disappointing family. And, in a way, giving up power to every person I met who might find out and use it against me.

I can remember my first crushes being Christian Bale in "Newsies" and Neil Patrick Harris as Doogie Howser. I imagined what it would be like to go to high school in California, with the hopes they would date me.

And I remember the nights my mom and I snuck away to her office to watch TV shows my dad didn't watch. We both saw Ellen Degeneres stand in front of millions of people and say the words I could not. But I thought, 'God, if she can do that, surely some day I can at least say those words to my mom.' It would be another decade before that would happen.

Growing up in a small town - the only county in PA without a traffic light - wasn't exactly the most open-minded experience. And, despite my parents being among the most liberal adults in the county, being gay just wasn't an option.

It wasn't something I often saw hated-on publicly, but then again no one ever came out in my school or town. So it was more like gay people didn't exist, or shouldn't exist.

Yet, I didn't let that stop me. I always pursued being in the band, choir, and theatre - despite the association and being called "faggot, gay-bait, homo."

My only regret over the last 28 years, is how long I waited to be me. I spent the first quarter of my life victimizing myself by letting other people's opinions dictate who I was. Luckily, I stuck it out and life got much, much better!
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Editor's note:
Just as I was posting Luke's story, I noticed the visitor counter number!
So today's post is just 4,444,444 THANK YOU's to everyone here! :)

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Luke

Luke, age 3

Flagler Beach, Florida (1989)

I know this photo was taken on a vacation while visiting my uncle’s family. Sadly, I have no recollection of what was occurring at that moment. So in the hopes I was as much like Stewie Griffin as I'd like my younger self to have been, I imagine I must have been aghast due to something about a family member. Such as whenever I was with my uncle's family, I recall pondering over the absurdity of the millions of varicose veins that painted my older aunt's legs.

I discovered I was gay when I was age 12, but I spent the next 11 years doing everything I could for this not to be the case.

Why? Because I was the golden child in my family.

And the pressure to be perfect screwed with my desire for personal happiness.

Plus, I went to a private school where the students' mantra was, 'Kill anything which might seem queer, overweight, ugly, or dorky'.

And I would have been bully fodder, if my appreciation of the "Sailor Moon" series was exposed. But nowadays, I feel I've made a complete 180 change in the way I look at the fact that I’m gay.

What worked helping me, and what I recommend for young gays is:

1) Come out to a fellow gay who doesn’t pose any risk. I didn’t even really know the first person I told my "secret" to would end up being an incredible mentor. And who helped me more than he knows.

2) Fall in love! It's incredible when the desire to publicly express your feelings for someone outweighs your biggest fear.

Luke's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (But only while acting as Olympic diver Greg Louganis)
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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