Luke, age 5
Liverpool, Pennsylvania (1989)
For a long time, being gay wasn't even about me. I know it should have been, but being gay was about proving the jerks at school right, or possibly alienating or disappointing family. And, in a way, giving up power to every person I met who might find out and use it against me.
I can remember my first crushes being Christian Bale in "Newsies" and Neil Patrick Harris as Doogie Howser. I imagined what it would be like to go to high school in California, with the hopes they would date me.
And I remember the nights my mom and I snuck away to her office to watch TV shows my dad didn't watch. We both saw Ellen Degeneres stand in front of millions of people and say the words I could not. But I thought, 'God, if she can do that, surely some day I can at least say those words to my mom.' It would be another decade before that would happen.
Growing up in a small town - the only county in PA without a traffic light - wasn't exactly the most open-minded experience. And, despite my parents being among the most liberal adults in the county, being gay just wasn't an option.
It wasn't something I often saw hated-on publicly, but then again no one ever came out in my school or town. So it was more like gay people didn't exist, or shouldn't exist.
Yet, I didn't let that stop me. I always pursued being in the band, choir, and theatre - despite the association and being called "faggot, gay-bait, homo."
My only regret over the last 28 years, is how long I waited to be me. I spent the first quarter of my life victimizing myself by letting other people's opinions dictate who I was. Luckily, I stuck it out and life got much, much better!
___________________________________________________
Editor's note:
Just as I was posting Luke's story, I noticed the visitor counter number!
So today's post is just 4,444,444 THANK YOU's to everyone here! :)
___________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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September 08, 2013
Luke
Labels:
1980's,
born gay,
born this way,
Bullied,
Luke,
Pennsylvania
August 28, 2013
Jenn
Jenn, age 8
Saigon, Vietnam (2002)
When I was younger, I didn't know what gay or lesbian was. But I definitely knew that I was nothing like the other girls. I hated dresses, make-up, and I was scared to hell of dolls. I played with all the boys and loved wearing boys' clothes.
It wasn't until I was in 2nd grade that I learned the words "gay" and "lesbian." And when it was explained to me what it all meant, I promised myself I would never be gay.
And I knew I would never let anyone label me as something that was seen as repulsive in the eyes of the world.
Everywhere I went, being gay was associated with something bad. At home and at school, the words "fag," "gay," "lesbian," etc, were taboo.
So I was convinced very early on that liking women was a sin.
By middle school, I had grown out my hair, dressed a little more girly, and started hanging around more girls. I tucked my true self away, and somewhere down the road I lost who I was. I soon realized that eventually I had to be truthful to myself and just admit it - I am a lesbian!
I became very proud of who I am, and I told myself that if people couldn't accept me as I am, then they didn't deserve a place in my life. So I slowly started to come out to my close friends first, and only a few family members knew. In my final year of high school, I became an advocate for diversity among the students there.
I am still in the process of coming out, mainly to my family. I know now that I have always been gay, and there is no way for me to change that. I am proud to finally be true to myself.
At the end of it all, whichever path you may choose, remember that there's no path greater than just being yourself.
____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Saigon, Vietnam (2002)
When I was younger, I didn't know what gay or lesbian was. But I definitely knew that I was nothing like the other girls. I hated dresses, make-up, and I was scared to hell of dolls. I played with all the boys and loved wearing boys' clothes.
It wasn't until I was in 2nd grade that I learned the words "gay" and "lesbian." And when it was explained to me what it all meant, I promised myself I would never be gay.
And I knew I would never let anyone label me as something that was seen as repulsive in the eyes of the world.
Everywhere I went, being gay was associated with something bad. At home and at school, the words "fag," "gay," "lesbian," etc, were taboo.
So I was convinced very early on that liking women was a sin.
By middle school, I had grown out my hair, dressed a little more girly, and started hanging around more girls. I tucked my true self away, and somewhere down the road I lost who I was. I soon realized that eventually I had to be truthful to myself and just admit it - I am a lesbian!
I became very proud of who I am, and I told myself that if people couldn't accept me as I am, then they didn't deserve a place in my life. So I slowly started to come out to my close friends first, and only a few family members knew. In my final year of high school, I became an advocate for diversity among the students there.
I am still in the process of coming out, mainly to my family. I know now that I have always been gay, and there is no way for me to change that. I am proud to finally be true to myself.
At the end of it all, whichever path you may choose, remember that there's no path greater than just being yourself.
____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
August 12, 2013
Ross
Ross, age 4
Chester Springs, Pennsylvania (1974)
The outfit I'm wearing here is a credit to my mom. She had panache with a sewing machine and would dress my sister and me in coordinated outfits.
Even as a toddler, I had a penchant for flashy clothes (and occasionally, dresses), dolls, and crying during broadcasts of “The Wizard of Oz.”
I also pantomimed selections from my favorite Rosemary Clooney children’s album. These were habits my mom was more tolerant of than my dad.
I didn’t exactly get free reign, but my parents rarely scolded me for my gender non-conformity. And I never felt “different” from the other kids until I was much older.
I mostly taught myself to conform to what boys were supposed to be like and, later in middle school, to suppress my feelings in an attempt to fit in.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20's that I began to accept myself.
And even then, it took a lot of effort to relax and be authentic.
Today, as a 40-something, this little guy’s wide-open enthusiasm is an inspiration to me. I want to be just like him.
_____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Chester Springs, Pennsylvania (1974)
The outfit I'm wearing here is a credit to my mom. She had panache with a sewing machine and would dress my sister and me in coordinated outfits.
Even as a toddler, I had a penchant for flashy clothes (and occasionally, dresses), dolls, and crying during broadcasts of “The Wizard of Oz.”
I also pantomimed selections from my favorite Rosemary Clooney children’s album. These were habits my mom was more tolerant of than my dad.
I didn’t exactly get free reign, but my parents rarely scolded me for my gender non-conformity. And I never felt “different” from the other kids until I was much older.
I mostly taught myself to conform to what boys were supposed to be like and, later in middle school, to suppress my feelings in an attempt to fit in.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20's that I began to accept myself.
And even then, it took a lot of effort to relax and be authentic.
Today, as a 40-something, this little guy’s wide-open enthusiasm is an inspiration to me. I want to be just like him.
_____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Labels:
1970's,
born gay,
born this way,
Dolls,
Pennsylvania,
Ross,
Siblings
August 01, 2013
Vanessa
Vanessa, age 5
Chapel Hill, North Carolina (1990)
I'm pictured in the all white dress, at my 5th birthday party. I remember being very in love with the two girls by my side. Our moms had been friends since before I was born, and I felt so happy they were there with me that day. When we took that picture, I didn't hesitate to reach up and wrap my arms around them.
I was a very quiet girl. But I could be the life of a party at the drop of a hat.
I remember picking girls out in school in the hallway and telling my best friend, “I’m going to be her friend” and then I was.
I usually said I had a crush on a boy, but it was always only because I thought he was nice. I used to openly flirt with girls and buy them small gifts. I loved being around females, no matter their age.
A girl I crushed on in 6th grade was finally in my 12th grade class, and we became cool. Two years after graduation, she recognized me and we made small talk
My first celebrity crush was Meryl Streep in "Death Becomes Her." When she singes and dances in the beginning, I think that was the moment I "knew."
Then when I discovered the Spice Girls, all hell broke loose. I remember actually staring at Geri Halliwell in my posters for hours on end. I didn’t want to BE a Spice Girl, I wanted to be WITH one of the Spice Girls.
I realized I was gay after that at age 19, but it took me until 23 to be OK with it.
Today, I feel I'm just me - and I’m going to live my life for me and no one else.
____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Chapel Hill, North Carolina (1990)
I'm pictured in the all white dress, at my 5th birthday party. I remember being very in love with the two girls by my side. Our moms had been friends since before I was born, and I felt so happy they were there with me that day. When we took that picture, I didn't hesitate to reach up and wrap my arms around them.
I was a very quiet girl. But I could be the life of a party at the drop of a hat.
I remember picking girls out in school in the hallway and telling my best friend, “I’m going to be her friend” and then I was.
I usually said I had a crush on a boy, but it was always only because I thought he was nice. I used to openly flirt with girls and buy them small gifts. I loved being around females, no matter their age.
A girl I crushed on in 6th grade was finally in my 12th grade class, and we became cool. Two years after graduation, she recognized me and we made small talk
My first celebrity crush was Meryl Streep in "Death Becomes Her." When she singes and dances in the beginning, I think that was the moment I "knew."
Then when I discovered the Spice Girls, all hell broke loose. I remember actually staring at Geri Halliwell in my posters for hours on end. I didn’t want to BE a Spice Girl, I wanted to be WITH one of the Spice Girls.
I realized I was gay after that at age 19, but it took me until 23 to be OK with it.
Today, I feel I'm just me - and I’m going to live my life for me and no one else.
____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
July 21, 2013
Mió
Mió, age 12
Gammelstad, Sweden 1977
I grew up in the north of Sweden, in a little town where the sun doesn't shine in the winter and shines brightly all during summer.
I always knew that there was something "different" about me. But little did I know that in the future it would bring about this gay and wonderful life.
A tough part growing up is that my parents were VERY religious. And sometimes that felt like a curse from the dark side.
I didn't have many friends growing up, but I had one special one. It was Peter, my first love. He had moved to our town and was in my class. It was love at first sight, before I knew how love would actually feel.
To this day, I remember every little thing about him:
His blue eyes, the blond hair, and his wonderful dimples.
Today, I'm married to a wonderful husband, with three lovely children and a beautiful life. I wouldn't change my childhood, this black-grey-sepia-period of mine. Somehow it formed me and shaped me into the person I am today.
Mom, you always knew - even if you bit the pillow when my little sister turned out to be a lesbian. Dad, you never knew - even when you found me in bed with another man! So here I am, and here YOU are - born perfect in the eyes of God!
__________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Gammelstad, Sweden 1977
I grew up in the north of Sweden, in a little town where the sun doesn't shine in the winter and shines brightly all during summer.
I always knew that there was something "different" about me. But little did I know that in the future it would bring about this gay and wonderful life.
A tough part growing up is that my parents were VERY religious. And sometimes that felt like a curse from the dark side.
I didn't have many friends growing up, but I had one special one. It was Peter, my first love. He had moved to our town and was in my class. It was love at first sight, before I knew how love would actually feel.
To this day, I remember every little thing about him:
His blue eyes, the blond hair, and his wonderful dimples.
Today, I'm married to a wonderful husband, with three lovely children and a beautiful life. I wouldn't change my childhood, this black-grey-sepia-period of mine. Somehow it formed me and shaped me into the person I am today.
Mom, you always knew - even if you bit the pillow when my little sister turned out to be a lesbian. Dad, you never knew - even when you found me in bed with another man! So here I am, and here YOU are - born perfect in the eyes of God!
__________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Labels:
1970's,
born gay,
born this way,
Europe,
gay siblings,
Mió,
Parent,
Partnered,
Religion,
Sweden
July 15, 2013
Diego
Diego, age 3
Córdoba, Argentina (1993)
And to think that my mother was horrified when I came out to her two years ago. I guess she's always been in denial or something, because as everyone can see, the signs were there from early age. In my picture I'm playing with a very old doll that I absolutely LOVED (it belonged to my mom in the 60's) and I'm trying to figure out how to make that apron/skirt work. I'm sure I was a little iffy about the color combination with that Mickey Mouse sweater, but I believe I pulled it off.
Just look at that blonde hair and those fashionable shoes.
That kid knows his game.
Growing up I was always the loner kind. Although I wasn't bullied or anything for being gay, I was bullied for being a fat bookworm type.
Today, 20 years later, I've played with a few more dolls in that time. But mainly, I've been trying to find my place in this wild world.
I've grown a little self-conscious about my body, as I'm now what you call a "bear" or a plus sized guy. This has brought many self esteem issues that have crippled me socially and emotionally. I haven't been on many dates, nor in a position of confidence and comfort with a man the times that I did
But hey, I'm not here to make you feel sad. And although it might sound like a cliché, I have learned that there is definitely always a better tomorrow.
You might be a little different, a little fat, a little skinny or whatever. But there is always someone out there that will love you for precisely those things. Always be yourself, and don't conform to social rules just to "fit in." True love only comes when you are true with who you are.
I'd like to close by saying you are doing just fantastic work with the blog and the book. I can't find other words to describe it, it's great. Keep it up!
___________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Córdoba, Argentina (1993)
And to think that my mother was horrified when I came out to her two years ago. I guess she's always been in denial or something, because as everyone can see, the signs were there from early age. In my picture I'm playing with a very old doll that I absolutely LOVED (it belonged to my mom in the 60's) and I'm trying to figure out how to make that apron/skirt work. I'm sure I was a little iffy about the color combination with that Mickey Mouse sweater, but I believe I pulled it off.
Just look at that blonde hair and those fashionable shoes.
That kid knows his game.
Growing up I was always the loner kind. Although I wasn't bullied or anything for being gay, I was bullied for being a fat bookworm type.
Today, 20 years later, I've played with a few more dolls in that time. But mainly, I've been trying to find my place in this wild world.
I've grown a little self-conscious about my body, as I'm now what you call a "bear" or a plus sized guy. This has brought many self esteem issues that have crippled me socially and emotionally. I haven't been on many dates, nor in a position of confidence and comfort with a man the times that I did
But hey, I'm not here to make you feel sad. And although it might sound like a cliché, I have learned that there is definitely always a better tomorrow.
You might be a little different, a little fat, a little skinny or whatever. But there is always someone out there that will love you for precisely those things. Always be yourself, and don't conform to social rules just to "fit in." True love only comes when you are true with who you are.
I'd like to close by saying you are doing just fantastic work with the blog and the book. I can't find other words to describe it, it's great. Keep it up!
___________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
Labels:
1990's,
Argentina,
born gay,
born this way,
Bullied,
Diego,
Dolls,
Latino,
South America
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