Marco

Marco, age 5

Chianciano Terme, Italy (1961)

This photo was taken during summer, at a café table in a spa town in Italy.
My mom, dad, and my brother and I all sat in these very modern, 1960's chrome chairs. However, I was the only one who crossed my legs - and, I must admit, in a very flirtatious way! When I was a child, I loved all the female singers that were popular in my country, but with the secret desire to be like them!

I am certain that nobody "becomes homosexual," and many of our childhood behaviors, events, and choices are revealing.

Except to our parents, who almost always do not capture the true meaning of it all.

Rather, they document it precisely with the opposite intention: to normalize what would otherwise be seen as embarrassing.

Many of us understood very well what was going on, even if we didn't have the tools to express it.

As children, we almost never censor ourselves, putting forth those features which, when older, we would be ashamed of. I knew it all from very early on, and even if I thought it was wrong, I couldn't be any other way. So I spent a lot of thoughts and energy that could have been better spent otherwise. If only my feelings didn't have obstacles back then.

Seeing this picture now, I think: Wasn't it so obvious that I was gay from the beginning?! My mother knew and would ask me occasionally during my 20's, but I didn't actually admit it and come out to her until age 45. To my surprise, she was very happy and said, "Didn't you think you could have told me before?"
So I'm happy I got to tell her, before she died.

So, my message to all young gay people now is:
Tell it without fear - because your photos will tell it anyway...

As for my first, famous-person same sex crush?
Wow, I don't remember, it was 50 years ago!
______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow this blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Dennis

Dennis, age 8

San Diego, CA (1973)

In the pic on the right, that's me as a freshman at NYU in 1983. When I rediscovered this pic some time ago, I laughed for days. It would still be 20 years after that when I'd really come out of the closet. Before that happened, I served on a Mormon mission to Brazil, got married in the Mormon temple, had 4 kids, and continued pretending I was straight.

I don't remember the context of that dorm room picture, but it definitely seems Freudian or symbolic somehow. Why did I pretend I was coming out of a closet? Of course, I knew I was gay at the time. All my classmates were coming out, yet my smile belies the terror that I actually felt inside. My family and religious community would never accept me unconditionally as a gay man, and I knew it.

But how did I think I was fooling anyone? I was enamored with Timothy Hutton, the band Loverboy (mostly because of that album cover showing the butt in red leather pants), and I loved all things theater, especially musical theater. New York City welcomed me in its loving, understanding embrace, yet fear still made me to reject a very fundamental part of myself for years to come.

Even coming out 20 years later, I was right about the non-acceptance of my family and church community. But true peace really only comes by living on the outside in a manner consistent with how you feel on the inside. It feels incredible to finally have that. And my advice is do it sooner, rather than later.

Dennis' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Timothy Hutton (in "Ordinary People")

_____________________________________________________

Tae

Tae, age 5

New York, NY (1988)

I don't remember taking this photo, nor do I remember the story behind it. Was the fan just lying around the room? Who's idea was it to include it in the photo? Did my pose come naturally to me, or was I coerced by some older cousin who thought it'd be funny? Most of that day's details remain fuzzy, but what I can confirm, is that this was taken while on vacation in Seoul, South Korea.

It's interesting how the brain works, but I have a lot more morose childhood memories than happy ones. I had terrible anxiety and really low self esteem back then, with a constant underlying sense of unhappiness at all times.

Stumbling on this photo a few years ago took me aback, because I actually seem really happy in it. Sure, I have other childhood photos of me smiling, but they're few and far between.

I naturally smile with a slight smirk, so this ear-to-ear grin going on makes me take note.

Growing up, I don’t think I fully understood that I was different. At least not until I graduated from high school. I was always a natural recluse, and feeling incompatible with the people around me was something I grew accustomed to.

But I have grown tremendously since then, and now I am so much more comfortable and happy in my own skin. Coming out to my friends (and more recently to my family) has helped a lot, because I finally feel like I can move on to the next chapter of my life. Chapters which I document on my own blog.

Not everyone is going to accept who I am, but I now know that has nothing to do with me, and has more to do with that person's issues. If a person can't understand the fundamental idea that people are born different, then there's not much else I can do for them, until they come to that realization.

As a kid, it was easy to feel helpless and like I had no way to escape. But I'm happy to say that as an adult, that's where I take all my accumulated learning lessons and use them as tools for life. Wisdom really does come with age, and that's enough for me to have something to look forward to every morning.

Claire

Claire, age 8

Atlanta, GA (1984)

This picture is of me hanging out at my Uncle's house on a Saturday afternoon, watching UGA football with him and my cousins.

The cowboy hat and boots belonged to my Uncle, and he let me wear them all day. I thought I was hot stuff!

I loved being around my older cousins, too! They were so awesome.

And I can honestly say that I was born this way!

And the best part, is that I was born into a wonderfully loving family who accepts me for who I am.

Claire's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Linda Carter (as "Wonder Woman")

____________________________________________________