August 18, 2015


Tim, age 5
Vancouver, BC, Canada (1995)

Here I am with my late grandmother at my kindergarten graduation. She was one of my biggest supporters for my musical accomplishments. I knew from a young age that I was different, but wasn't able to understand what that meant.

I was raised in a literalist, fundamentalist, Christian family that has never accepted an "alternative lifestyle" outside of Christianity.

So you can only imagine what growing up in a family that refers to homosexuals as ‘fags’ or ‘poofters’ was like.

I always wanted to be close with a guy, to feel a special bond between the two of us. 

I guess you could also say I'm not society’s portrayal of the stereotypical masculine man. 

I do not like movies with huge explosions, aliens, and guns. I like musicals, chick flicks, rom-coms, and movies that actually have a storyline.

I listen to Elton John, Barbra Streisand, and Whitney Houston almost daily.
I remember going through a huge Celine Dion phase in middle school and singing "The Power of Love" at the top of my lungs at home. My family did not like the fact that I would sing "...And you are my man!" with such conviction.

At age 19 I came out to my friends and co-workers who were very supportive. But when my family found out about my “sinful lifestyle" in 2013, it was off to Bible school for me and borderline reparative therapy. I have had deliverance performed on me, been sent to Exodus International, told to act more manly, and that if I just think I'm straight that I will be straight. 

Of course, none of that worked. My parents also demanded that I break up with my boyfriend so they could send me to more reparative, conversion therapy. 

After a month of refusing, I was thrown out of the house.

I was blamed for "bringing demons into the house," and my family said they would never come visit me at my new place because they “cannot walk on unholy ground.” That was two years ago and I have not seen my family since. 

The good news is I am still with my boyfriend and we’ve been together for three years. We could not be happier together and will be traveling to Europe soon.
I plan to marry my boyfriend one day and start a family with him. 

I have not seen my family since they threw me out, nor do I think I will be seeing them any time soon. People tell me to not lose hope, but I have to face the reality of a future without them. My friends have become my family and I have never felt so loved and accepted in my entire life. 

While my situation is not ideal, I wouldn’t trade places with anyone.

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Robert W said...

Thanks, Tim. My family was not supportive either. I was not thrown out when I told them at age 19. My Mother did tell me that there are are no "old fags" But I'm old...

Jeffery said...

You can't choose your family. You can choose to not be around them. You will be better off without them. It will take a long time but they will try to reestablish contact someday. Then you get to decide.

David K. Popham said...

Tim, appreciate how vulnerable your story is. Glad to know that your "family of choice" is taking shape. My own parents, also conservative Christians, never understood and never gave up hope that their "prodigal" would return. The funny thing is that we are not the prodigal. By owning who we are we have found our true home. Life is beautiful - there's smudges along the way - but life is beautiful.

Kyle Jones said...

I really appreciate you.. It inspires me to not be afraid and be proud of who you are. Thanks for sharing!

- Adam

Unknown said...

Es muy interesante e importante que se deje de lado la discriminación hacia nosotros los gay. Yo estoy muy feliz con mi pareja
y vivimos excelentemente y cada fin de semana vamos a Hoteles Gay Melgar
de Melgar donde la privacidad, la discreción y el respeto por tu identidad sexual es la mayor preocupación. Amo ser gay.

Unknown said...

Only time will tell, but my family that has stood by me will always be my priority

Unknown said...

I'm sorry you had a similar experience:( but hey, the world is changing for the better:) homophobia and bigotry will be laughed at in a few years and kids will not understand why we had to fight for our rights

Unknown said...

I cannot be who they want me to be. i may be accepted one day, but only for being my true self:)

Unknown said...

Be true to yourself, and perhaps one day your parents will come around. If they don't, it is their loss.