Tim

Tim, age 5
Vancouver, BC, Canada (1995)

Here I am with my late grandmother at my kindergarten graduation. She was one of my biggest supporters for my musical accomplishments. I knew from a young age that I was different, but wasn't able to understand what that meant.

I was raised in a literalist, fundamentalist, Christian family that has never accepted an "alternative lifestyle" outside of Christianity.

So you can only imagine what growing up in a family that refers to homosexuals as ‘fags’ or ‘poofters’ was like.

I always wanted to be close with a guy, to feel a special bond between the two of us. 

I guess you could also say I'm not society’s portrayal of the stereotypical masculine man. 

I do not like movies with huge explosions, aliens, and guns. I like musicals, chick flicks, rom-coms, and movies that actually have a storyline.

I listen to Elton John, Barbra Streisand, and Whitney Houston almost daily.
I remember going through a huge Celine Dion phase in middle school and singing "The Power of Love" at the top of my lungs at home. My family did not like the fact that I would sing "...And you are my man!" with such conviction.

At age 19 I came out to my friends and co-workers who were very supportive. But when my family found out about my “sinful lifestyle" in 2013, it was off to Bible school for me and borderline reparative therapy. I have had deliverance performed on me, been sent to Exodus International, told to act more manly, and that if I just think I'm straight that I will be straight. 

Of course, none of that worked. My parents also demanded that I break up with my boyfriend so they could send me to more reparative, conversion therapy. 

After a month of refusing, I was thrown out of the house.

I was blamed for "bringing demons into the house," and my family said they would never come visit me at my new place because they “cannot walk on unholy ground.” That was two years ago and I have not seen my family since. 

The good news is I am still with my boyfriend and we’ve been together for three years. We could not be happier together and will be traveling to Europe soon.
I plan to marry my boyfriend one day and start a family with him. 

I have not seen my family since they threw me out, nor do I think I will be seeing them any time soon. People tell me to not lose hope, but I have to face the reality of a future without them. My friends have become my family and I have never felt so loved and accepted in my entire life. 

While my situation is not ideal, I wouldn’t trade places with anyone.

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Tim

Tim, age 12

Ottawa, Canada (1979)

I remember feeling 'different' as a child, but I don't know anyone who didn't feel that way, including adamant heterosexuals, so I'm not sure if that has meaning.

Childhood is inherently a disorienting state, especially when you realize by the time you're about 6 that people are going to treat you like you're stupid for the next 12 to 14 years, even though most of them are in no position to judge on that point.

When I meet people who say they always felt at home and normal, they're the people I nod at, smile politely and run from.

In all of my school photos, I made a point of wearing long sleeve plaid shirts, and refused to ever comb my hair.

My bear/grunge tendencies emerged early, and by high school, I was already becoming bearish. Though genetics meant that I basically didn't have facial hair until I was over 20.

As to when I first felt queer (I've never felt gay) - that's a good question.

I was usually the person who stood up to the 300-pound female bully who bothered my friends - so I got 'fag-lover' a lot,
but not tagged as queer till grade 13.

I started to come out at about 21, and had my first relationship at 31, when I first met someone I was attracted to on all levels (which is an absolute necessity for me - I can't understand the impulse to sleep with someone whose book, record and philosophical 'collection' you haven't perused first - which may be why I've only had TWO boyfriends as an adult).

Tim's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Dan Haggerty ("Grizzly Adams")
Chewbacca ("Star Wars")
Denver Pyle (Uncle Jessie on "Dukes Of Hazzard") 
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Tim

Tim, age 13

San Diego, CA (1982)

"I feel pretty!"

This was my Mom's dress and the only heels she would let me wear were charcoal gray. Definitely the wrong choice for a yellow dress, but I was clearly pleased nonetheless.

I also went to middle school in this outfit. Seemed normal at the time.

I think I always had a pretty good idea I was gay, but fought it for a long time.

I mostly remember everyone saying what a pretty girl I made on this particular day.

Tim's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Michael

Tim

Tim, age 10

Cambridge, Massachusetts (1979)

I was either very naive or very brave to rock this look at my Baptist church Halloween party. My neighbor Cheryl kept her identity hidden, for fear of association. I think I looked damn good, in a Jon-Benet Ramsey meets Anita Bryant kind of way.

"Jon Benet Ramsey meets Anita Bryant"

I first started to notice I was different in Kindergarten when I brought my Mrs. Beasley doll in for Show & Tell. Nobody made a big deal about it then.

It wasn't until 5th grade when I started to realize that I wanted to kiss the boys and hang out with the girls - instead of the other way around.

The homophobic bullying started soon after. 

Tim's first, famous-person same sex crush: Aquaman

A man with wavy blond hair, gills, & green tights always charges my batteries!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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