Liliana

Liliana, age 8

Los Angeles, CA 1981

I hated dresses as a child. I remember my mom would force them on me and I just felt she was being cruel by making me wear something I didn't like. I'm an only child, and my mom tried in vain to mold me into the perfect young lady she wanted me to be.

Back then I was really into watching "CHiPs," "Battlestar Galactica", and I remember looking at rap album covers like Run DMC, so I began really digging the track suits. Just a short few years later I would learn to break-dance. Ha ha ha!

I had nothing but boys as friends, and enjoyed all things relating to them, such as Matchbox cars and GI Joe action figures.

And since it was the early 80's - I was fascinated with outer space and Star Wars. In fact, we use to role play - and yes, I always wanted to either be Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.

I never thought of myself as being gay, but other kids called me a tomboy at school, and it was relentless.

My young life was awkward. I remember having these feelings for all sorts of girls and never feeling that way about a boy at all. I guess in my case, I feel I was born this way. And personally, I love it.

But I didn't officially come out of the closet until my early 30's, and guess what - it was no big deal. I guess everyone already just figured out I was gay.

I am now living my life the way I guess I always wanted to, and I have an amazingly beautiful girlfriend to show for it. I love who I am and the experiences I've had, and hopefully will continue to have until a very old age.
   
My advice for gay kids is: Hang in there. It does get much better.
Even for a young Salvadoran-American growing up in a very conservative home.

Liliana's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Drew Barrymore (in "E.T." and "Firestarter")

Lara Jill Miller (on "Gimme A Break!")

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Txus

Txus, age 1

Tarragona, Spain (1975)

I love this poor, sweet, queer girl - because back then I didn't know that life could be so hard for tender and different people. I just looked upon the world with fear. Now I know I must be brave every day to thank all the activist people who fought for me to be Free, Gay and Happy.

My message for young gay kids now is: Each and every one of you are beautiful, different and special. You have to love you as you are - young, gay and gorgeous - and always find someone at your side. You must believe in yourself and be strong to live without fear. Nobody can prevent you to love or show you how you really are.

We must keep fighting for more freedom.
I've posted some words and poetry about it here.

Txus' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Julie Andrews (in "The Sound Of Music")

And definitely in 'Victor, Victoria'!

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Wanderson

Wanderson, age 6

São Paulo, Brazil (1983)

If you are a gay teenager, you might have thought about ending your own life.
I know I did. I was raised believing that being gay was wrong and that getting married, having kids, and forming a family was the only thing in store for me.

I used to pray before going to bed and ask the Lord to please make me straight, as if it was as that simple. I saw myself as a pervert, and I didn’t realize that my desire for boys was beginning to show.

My dad used to yell at me to talk like a man. I tried really hard but couldn't do it, and as I was just a child, why should I sound like an adult?

As a teenager, it got worse since as my friends started dating, and I was sure that I'd meet the right girl, and she would make me straight. Of course, that never happened and I started feeling depressed all the time.

All I wanted to do was die so the pain would stop.

And then I fell in love with my best friend. I was dating - or trying to date - a girl at the time, but my friend was all I could think of. I can't describe the confusion and pain I went through, and being only 16, couldn't even think about coming out or accepting what I was.

Years passed, and when I turned 23,
I decided it was time to have a conversation with me, myself and I.

And it was a different Wanderson that heard me say: 'I’m gay!' I smiled and he smiled back, and then all was much lighter and free. After that I started coming out to my friends, and every time I did, I felt better and better.

At home, everything was basically bad. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, someone told my mother about me. That drove her away from me, as she was incapable of handling a gay son. My sister found some love letters I'd sent to a man, and she didn’t handle it well either. I decided to tell my brother who was a teenager, and he was the only one who really tried to understand me.

After that I came to know a world that I never knew existed. I had new friends that were fine with my sexuality, and I finally found a man that showed me what it meant to be in a gay relationship. It didn’t last long, but it made me grow up and helped prepare me for who is now the love of my life - Alexandre.

He taught me about pride and not being afraid of who you are. Today, my mom sees me with new eyes, as someone who's also formed a family. And my sister and brother are closer to me than ever before. It wasn’t easy, but it was definitely worth it.

Today, I'm 34 and I do not wish or want to be anything but GAY! Through everything I've built, the friends I have and ones I've lost, and all the obstacles I've moved out of my way, it made me a better man.

Thus, I must tell you: it gets better! MUCH BETTER!!!

Wanderson's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Richard Chamberlain (in "The Thorn Birds")

Raffael

Raffael, age 6

Havana, Cuba (1965)

I was born and raised in Havana, and this picture was taken at a party in our home. Both of my parents migrated to Cuba from Italy, in a town in the south called Padula.

"Here's a gay boy!"

I was a very happy child, and I have a twin brother who is not gay. I knew from around age 6 that I was different, but didn't know what - if anything - to do about it.

In 1967 we moved to Mexico City. It was around this time I actually did anything for the first time, with another boy who was about 13 years old.

Keep in mind, this was back in 1968, and my parents where both very traditional.
My father was open-minded, and I knew this because my sister had a lesbian friend when she was 15, and my father was very close to her friend, since her parents had not been.

I, on the other hand, was too afraid to let him know. Later in life I told the whole planet, and here we are today.

My family is very close, supportive, and loving, and I've been truly fortunate that all my friends and relatives have accepted me, and have always loved me.

Today, I live in Los Angeles. I enjoy watching TV Land, especially old episodes of I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, and many more. I speak Italian and Spanish, and I work for one of the nation’s largest HIV/AIDS non-profit organizations.

Raffael's first, same sex crush:
My neighbor that lived next door. He was maybe 12 or 13, and I had

the biggest crush on him. Every time I saw him, I was all in a daze.

Jonathan

Jonathan, age 5
Jackson Heights, NYC (1989)

I don't remember this photo being taken, but I do know it was just before kindergarten. There's a lot of my childhood I don’t remember. Unfortunately, what I do remember is viewed very differently by my birth father, who in the subsequent years would badger me on why I couldn’t defend myself at school.
Or why I had so many girls as friends, my affinity for female pop-stars, or why
I had no interest in sports. The truth is: Homie always knew.

"Step...and repeat."

There's a stigma to being gay and Hispanic. For many of the adults around me, gay men and women play a secondary role to the lives they surround. The flamboyant ones are expected to entertain, susceptible to becoming the butt of the joke. While our humanity is talked about as little as possible.

It's only more recently that young gay Hispanics are able to see transcendent figures who are not only gay, but fulfilled.

I grew up resisting what I thought would be my fate, if I "admitted" to myself what I was. Even though I already was, always had been, and always would be - gay.

I became fully aware of my sexuality at age 13 - when kissing a girl only did it for me when I was thinking about a boy. I came out at age 17 - when I fell in love with my best friend. And I began to accept it at age 21 - when I realized enough was enough.

At 25, I found this photo again, and my first reaction was one of aversion.
I immediately saw a boy that would eventually get picked on, feel like he would never belong, and have to go the extra mile to come to terms with who he was born to be. So I simply put the photo away.

After turning 26, I rummaged for this photo to look at it one more time. Now, I see an incredibly intuitive boy, a boy who loved music videos, Michael Jackson, and penny loafers. A boy blessed with friends who would become family, and support me when coming out. And a resilient little boy who wouldn’t give himself the appropriate credit later on for being a survivor - but eventually would.

I'm realizing that by resisting my "fate" I created an inner turmoil I wish on no one. But, it prompted me to define what being gay was on my own terms, by being myself. Being gay isn’t about fulfilling any preconceived notions or fitting into a mold. It’s about loving yourself with the added bonus of falling in love with the world around you.

Me back then?
Boys behind me staring, with my head tilted, hands on hips, left-foot in front of the right-foot, goofy smile in place - while wearing neon pants.

And me now?
Christ, I can learn a lot from that little boy.

Jonathan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ricky Martin

You’re telling me you didn’t see that coming?

Jorge

Jorge, age 3

Tamaulipas, México (1985)

Here I am at a small festival where I was selected as the "Little King Of Spring". I remember I was so happy back then, as I got to do some kind of catwalk, and at one point I had to use a tricycle in the shape of a butterfly surrounded by flowers. I had a great time and my mom was so proud.

I knew I was different at the age of 11, because I disliked most of the boys' activities, such as sports or trying to get the attention of girls. That's when I started to paint, became withdrawn into myself, and turned into a lonely boy.

When I came out to my mom she wasn't shocked at all. But, she doesn't understand why, as a gay man, I don't like to 'wear pink or talk in a funny way' as she says some gay men talk.


I was a little offended and I had to explain to her that gays are humans, too.
We are all different. There are still people (at least in Mexico) who think all gays are the same. But if we don't teach them, who will?

Now in my life, I have many new friends, who accept me the way I am.

So to all young gay people out there:
Don't close your heart and always be who you want to be, no matter what!

Jorge's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ralph Macchio (in "Karate Kid")

Helio

Helio, age 4

Nova Iguaçu, Brazil (1987)

I was born in Rio de Janeiro and lived in Nova Iguaçu. Here, I'm dressed like an indian during a Carnival ball with my parents.

A year later my dad died, and I was raised by mum, who never married again.

My family was very conservative and catholic, and mum was the most homophobic person I'd ever met until then.

I grew up in conflict, because by age 8, I wanted to know what it felt like for those "queer, freak, or abnormal people" my mother always secretly insulted at home.


I came out at 15 and suffered a lot. I was judged, humiliated, and even attacked many times - and my mother was the most aggressive person doing this to me.

It was a great battle to change my family's mind, and it took me about 8 years. Today I’m 27, and my story helped other relatives of mine in the same situation. I have 2 lesbian cousins that came out, and my youngest brother also came out last year, much to my mom's frustration!

I became an arts manager and produced a documentary about the gay life in my city. The film was titled "Nova iGAYçu" and here's the craziest part: My mom was the executive producer! That was quite a change of heart, wasn't it?

But just like my mother, my country needs many more minds changed.

In Brazil, every 3 days a member of gay community is killed, and if we include transsexuals, the statistics get higher. Besides the murders, many teenagers are kicked out by their parents just for being gay or lesbian. And in politics, although many advances have been achieved, we still see politicians getting support from the religious mass to make our lives harder than they already are.

But I see homosexuality as a normal way of life, freer than the hetero way.
And, much happier.

Helio's first, famous-person same sex crush:
George Michael
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Edward

Edward, age 5

Fontana, CA (1991)

I was so happy to bring this picture home and show my mom. This wasn't "picture day," this was for star students known as SUPER STARS! I was always a teacher's pet and was so happy I was being rewarded for it. It was great!

"SUPER STAR! Duh! LOL!"

I always felt different, even at this age. I always liked to wear bright flashy colors, and every night I would pick out and lay out my clothes for the next day.

A new school year was the best time of year, even better then Christmas, because we would go clothes shopping. And I loved the first couple of weeks to show off my new clothes.

My favorite jacket was this bright, shiny red Members Only jacket that I'd wear off my shoulders. And I remember my older brother always trying to pull it back up, and telling me to stop wearing it like that.

Growing up in a Mexican household, I watched a lot of telenovelas (soap operas), so I got to see a lot of hot half-naked Latin men - and that's really when I knew I like boys instead of girls.

The biggest telenovela I remember is "Mari Mar" and I fell in love with Eduardo Capetillo. He was the perfect tall, dark, and handsome type. And now looking at pictures of him, I think that's where I get my fixation for a hairy chest. 

Thanks for the blog - it's GREAT!!!!!

Edward's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Eduardo Capetillo (Mexican actor)
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Val

Val, age 6
Mexico City, Mexico (1996)

Here I am, and I remember how much I loved to be a Boy Scout. Oops, sorry - I mean Girl Scout! I started to feel I was different in kindergarten, when I just couldn't take my eyes off my female teacher.

In grade school, all I wanted to do was innocently kiss my girl friends. And then, feeling SOOO GOOD when I had my first real kiss with a girl

I used to feel something funny in my stomach while watching movies like "Lost & Delirious" or "The L Word" on TV. 

In closing, I want to say to all young gay kids that it's wonderful to have the gift of loving someone - no matter the gender.

Because it's beautiful to fall in love, and love the soul of that person.

Val's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sandra Bullock

She is my forever total crush

Glauber

Glauber, age 4
Rio Grande do Norte, Brazil (1994)

Here I am on the phone, pretending to gossip with friends about news and current events. I always had a different way of behaving, and always liked to be near my mother and her friends. And I loved listening to them talk and gossip.

"I love hearing the news!"

By around age 13, I was sure I was "different". Besides the awe I had for my schoolmates, I loved watching "Teletubbies" - and I wanted to be Tinky Winky.

Today, I look at this picture and have a wonderful sense of self pride, because now as an adult, I have the same unique way of showing my personality.

I wish for all young people to understand that being gay is a positive thing about our lives, because it's a way to demonstrate the love of a neighbor.

Long live diversity!


Glauber's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elton John

And I've always loved his music, too
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Manuel

Manuel, age 3

Oviedo, Spain (1955)

My friends see this pic now and tell me how I remind them of Jane Wyman in All That Heaven Allows. Which flatters me, and perhaps it predicted what would be my future. I always loved Jane Wyman in that movie, and Rock Hudson disguised as the gardener.

"My first day of school"

I was the smallest boy in my catholic school, and all the nuns (even the bad ones) immediately became my 2nd mothers. But they seemed so foreign to me, and I'd ask them questions like: 'Do you eat? Why are you dressed like that? What's going on in your mind?' They adored me, as I was a very nice boy.

Later, I went to work as an actor in children's theater and I'd recite poems standing on a chair. I sang songs, and people said I looked like Pablito Calvo, a famous child prodigy from that era. He was the actor in Marcelino Pan Y Vino, which is a great Spanish film of 1955 (the year of my birth), and a film that I still love.

Another signal of me being gay back then?

I was very into films and movies as a boy, and still am. I still love The Sound Of Music the best, and more recently Douglas Sirk's Melos and Far From Heaven. Julianne Moore is one of my favorite actresses, of course.

But it was the actors who I had crushes on, such as Charlton Heston, Doug McClure, Rock Hudson, George Hamilton, Troy Donahue, Michael Landon, James Franciscus, Robert Wagner, Warren Beatty, Jeffrey Hunter, Richard Harrison, and Stephen Boyd. Whew! :)

While I really didn't have an awareness that I was different as a child, my dreams were clearly telling me something just the opposite.

And it took me very little effort to be completely sure.

Manuel's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Conrad
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