Henry & Rocky

Henry, age 5

Rocky, age 4

Santa Ana, California (1973)

I'm Henry on the right, with my brother Rocky on the left. Growing up searching for a sense of self is hard to do. My parents, especially my mother, made it virtually impossible for me to be comfortable with coming out at 17.
Our household told us that being gay was a sickness, and that we were defective.

I suffered at the hands of shrinks, priests, and my mother's tactics trying to "change" me. The one person who made this truly bearable was my little brother, Rocky. He is also gay. And he always supported me with no judgments.

Growing up, I knew Rocky was gay before I knew I was. He once performed "I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan in my mother's platforms, to cheer me up once when I was really down. Our mom caught us, but I remember him really looking up to me, trying in earnest to seek my approval.

We were different as boys. Rocky liked perfume, make-up, and glamor, and I liked sweaty men, rock music, and leather. We still like the same things now.
He was a Goth and I was an awkward punk, just trying to fit in.

We once got into a fist fight as teenagers when I slept with Chris, a boy he had a major crush on. He was Rocky's sleepover guest, but he'd made his way into my bed. My brother screamed at me, "I hate you, you f*cking whore!" as he wept.

That very moment, my dad asked my mom just what we were talking about.
Of course, we couldn't tell them what was really going on. Rocky didn't speak to me for 2 weeks, and I felt like crap - but he eventually forgave me.

Rocky's support made me stronger to come out and accept myself. Doing so made him more comfortable with who he is, too. There's been love, laughter, and tears. But thankfully, I had my brother with me the whole time growing up.

So I need to say:
I love you, Rocky.

I know I don't say it a lot, but this is the best way for me to show it. You have been my rock in many ways. We bonded with a united front, and our parents eventually came to accept us as well.

I now live in London with Bren, my partner of 9 years, and our dog Jolene. We also run a successful tattoo shop in the city. Looking back at this photo, it's a reminder of how much my brother Rocky really means to me.

Henry's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Connery (in "Time Bandits")

Oh, that red toga and his crotch! Poppa's got a brand new bag!

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Jose

Jose, age 3
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic (1980)

"I feel like nothing else in the world would change me, even if I was born again"

This is a section in an autobiographic novel I'm writing. I don't know when I'm going to finish it, but if my mother was alive, I imagine she'd tell me:
"What are you waiting for? People would die to have that kind of creativity."

My mother died of cancer when I was 6-years old, and the way I remember her is like the rocket to my dreams.

She was a free spirited woman; always buying me aquarelles, crayons, puzzles, and creative stuff for her little Jochy, her loving nickname for me.

Since I was little, I felt a passion for colors. And as If I already knew their meaning for the gay community - I loved rainbows.


On TV, I adored Jem & The Holograms, Care Bears, My Little Pony, Sailor Moon, and Japanese anime'. I loved dancing to Sade, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper in the rain, even if catching a cold got me in trouble with mom.

I remember taking down the kitchen curtains to use as a little skirt, to dance like the beautiful ballerina swirling on my grandma's music box. The compartment in the back was like a magic box of images and enchantments filling the air.

I loved playing with my cousins' Barbies, brushing their hair, and making dresses for them. That might sound like a cliché now, but that was part of my creative universe. Then on weekends, me and my cousins would turn grandma's little backyard into a battlefield for our toys.

That was me, an imaginative child that would make the world his playground, like writing tales in the sky. Those childhood dreams became a man's desire to build a better place, a world that gave the best from the inside to outside. I realize now this all became a passion for architecture, which is my major in college now.

Ultimately, discovering myself and learning to love the true me, is a journey that keeps inspiring transcendence in my heart. Living a life that is a lie only serves to wake you, or it breaks you.

Being human and a passenger for this short voyage called life is all that matters. So enjoy the view and paint the sky with more magic rainbows.

Carpe diem! And give yourself a big hug!

Jose's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Atkins (in "Blue Lagoon")

Sarah

Sarah, age 10

Brooklyn, WA (1996)

I'm on the left in the pic. I didn't really think of myself as being different growing up, since I aspired to be just like my brothers. I remember just wanting to be one of the boys since the beginning.

My mom used to joke about me always dressing like my brothers, often calling us her three sons.

I know my father was often lectured by his conservative Latino family for allowing me to wear boy's clothing.

However, my parents always allowed me to create my own identity.

And I am now living out and proud with the support of both my mom and dad.

Sarah's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jennifer Connelly (in "Labyrinth")

I was 5 at the time. But I've had a thing for brunettes ever since :D
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Magno

Magno, age 10

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (1994)

As a little boy, I was often mistaken for a girl. Not only by school mates who didn't know me well, but also sometimes people on the street. I suspect it was because of my skinny build and my long, bushy hair. My father wanted it kept short, but he'd let me grow it for months before eventually forcing me to trim it.

I also had a very "girly" voice. Some other kids' parents advised me to try and sound more masculine when I spoke, and when I tried to explain to them that my voice sounded that way naturally, they just frowned at me.

I had a best girl-friend in my building who had lots of toys and dolls, and whenever the kids gathered together to play with her stuff, I would always pick the Barbies.

The good thing about coming across as gay so young, is that you never really have to hide or disguise anything. There's no such thing as a "coming out," since people already see you're different, and treat you as such.

The terrible thing about it, is that owing to being different and gay meant dealing with a lot of bullying, confusion, and suffering. I was called "gay" or "f*ggot" often, all before I was even able to fully understand what being gay means.

I went through hell during my school years, and it wasn't until about age 17 that things began to change a bit. That was when I decided there was nothing wrong with me. If people weren't OK with me being gay (be it family members, friends, whoever), then to hell with them.

My advice to young gay kids: School years can be hard, and I suspect they were even harder when I was your age. There weren't any support groups fighting to end the bullying, as there is now. But eventually, all that pain will be gone.

I learned to accept myself the way I am, and learned not to care about other people's opinion about my sexuality.

Magno's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Macaulay Culkin (in "Home Alone") & Elijah Wood

Emilio

Emilio, age 8

Dominican Republic, (1998)

This is me geared up in my "Little Mermaid" pool accessories, ready for the summer. My obsession with mermaids began way earlier, when I was about 3-years old. My mom and I watched "Splash," and after that, I was obsessed.

 When Disney released "The Little Mermaid,"
I met my first love - the handsome Prince Eric. To this day, he is still the only man I've ever loved.

It took me years to figure out why I loved mermaids, but hated Ariel so much.

Well, it was because she stole my man! :)


But I didn't realize what those feelings meant, because I didn’t know I was attracted to him. I didn't know I was gay until a bit later, at around age 13.
That's when I finally understood my feelings, and what it meant to be gay.

I always heard about the 'evil homosexuals' from my family, but I never associated that with people who loved others of their same sex. I just thought they were bad people whom I was supposed to stay away from.

I was always the odd kid in the back, who never played sports and never fit in.
I was never teased about being a little feminine though (which I was), but I was teased for being the shortest in my class. Which meant I didn't have a lot of friends or to want to be around my classmates.

I always loved drawing, and you'd usually find me under a table somewhere, drawing mermaids. But over time, mermaid tails became landscapes, and landscapes became buildings.

Today I cant help but smile when I look at that picture, as it reminds me that I've always been myself, and never wanted to hide it from anyone. Now, I'm close to graduating from architecture school, and I have a lot of great friends. And those friends came along right after I figured out who I was.

I'm very happy, though some things never change: I still draw the occasional mermaid, and still think that b*tch Ariel stole my man!

Emilio's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Prince Eric ("The Little Mermaid")
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Ernesto

Ernesto, age 6

El Paso, TX (1991)

When I stumbled upon this picture a few years ago, my first thought was,
'Wow, what a homo!' Then I thought to myself, how nothing really has changed.

I was always a sensitive boy, with my head in the clouds and my heart on my sleeve. Even when it wasn’t a class requisite, I still used to buy Valentine cards for the girls on the school bus. I was semi hoping for a girlfriend, or at least my own Valentine - none of which I received. Even though I had this 'way with the girls,' it truly wasn’t what my heart desired.

My angsty teen years - which could be perfectly narrated by Christina Ricci - were kind of lonesome. I had no one to commiserate with, and no gay peers. Then high school came, and I began to embrace my homosexuality. I would no longer awkwardly dodge the 'are you gay?' question.

And I began to taste my freedom.

It took my moving to a different city to fully be me. I have lived in Phoenix and New Orleans, and I am grateful to now have the gay support system I needed. It is through these experiences, and my amazing friends, that I am building up the strength to one day come out to my mom.

Now, my favorite color is Blue, favorite animal is the Lion (although some would argue it's a Bear), my favorite game is Scrabble, and my favorite holiday is still Valentine’s Day.

Ernesto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Omri Katz (in "Hocus Pocus")

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Joshua

Joshua, age 4

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1988)

This is me and my sister Jay, herself a lesbian. Growing up, I was the youngest of 4 kids from a single mother. My mom was a hairstylist, who encouraged us to be ourselves. I was always the loner kid with the heart of gold, and I liked talking to her customers in her hair salon.

When I turned 4, my mom got me a brunette Barbie (the closest they had to a "Latina" doll at the time) in a red Corvette car, and I was in love. I'll mention that I'm the one who requested Barbie. Back then, I watched Jem, Rainbow Brite, and loved My Little Pony. When my sister and I went to McDonalds and got the boy and girl Happy Meal toys, we would trade them.

Growing up in a city of 15,000 people, but whose name signifies shiny objects such as Las Vegas, I was very different and didn't have many friends. I read a lot, and took pottery, gymnastics, tap-dancing, and acting classes.

I remember one birthday party when I was 9, and not one person attended it.
At that young age, I realized I was different, and that everyone knew it about me. And, I understood what it meant for the other kids to feel "guilt by association." When I got older, into middle and high school, I was bullied tremendously. I'd try to get through classes unnoticed, where a good day would mean not being picked on 5 separate times.

I have always been different, and that just was it. I don't remember questioning why I was gay then, and never pegged it as being gay - just different. Maybe if I'd grown up in a household with more masculine influences, or if my mom wasn't so accepting, I would have payed more attention to my traits.

But my family encouraged me to be myself, and do the things that made me learn, grow, and smile. My mom never tried to lean me towards masculine traits nor feminine, she just wanted me to be happy.

And I've learned that those differences just never really mattered.
Because in retrospect, I know I was truly was BORN THIS WAY! :-)

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ricky Martin
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Rudy

Rudy, age 6

East Los Angeles, California (1986)

This was Halloween at my grandmother's house. My mother was a single parent who didn't have much money to buy a costume, so she borrowed a wig and dressed me up as my grandmother, lipstick and all! I felt so comfortable in the wig and pearls, and wanted to keep it on all night. Looking back, I know this was my way of expressing that "Star Quality" I've always felt inside.

"Little Latin Boy In Drag:
Rudy 'Rudeness' Garcia"

My family says they always knew I was "feminine" or "sensitive" - however I was never treated any differently than any of the other children in my family.

My mother took me to see a doctor because she was concerned that I preferred to play with Barbie dolls over GI Joe.

The doctor told her it was healthy, and it would help me express my creativity, and make me a good parent!

So I had lots of beautiful dolls to dress up and style and role-play with my sister!

But once I discovered MADONNA, it was all over for Barbie! I would watch her in awe, rolling around on the floor in tulle, posing for the camera, and singing and dancing with that one star earring!

Soon after, I did my first performance of "Dress You Up" for my teenaged aunts. They were amazed that I knew all the words and dance moves!

If I could say anything to gay youth now it would be this:
Don't ever believe that you CAN'T be who you are!

Find a place or thing that is all yours, and allow yourself to blossom into the beautiful butterfly you will become.

Rudy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

"Marky" Mark Wahlberg

I saw those Calvin Klein ads in his briefs, and thought 'That's what I want'

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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René

René, age 5

San Salvador, El Salvador (1987)

I found this picture of me at a Kindergarten recital. I remember being picked to be first in line and how excited that made me. My love for dancing started at a very early age, and I remember how much I enjoyed learning the choreography and how good I was at it. And I also had a baton!

The hairstyle wasn't my choice, it was my Mom's. I remember spending way too much time in front of the mirror that day - a habit that has only gotten worst as an adult, I must admit.

Although my childhood memories are somewhat scarce, like many I remember feeling different from the get go. I grew up in a very conservative Catholic society, and although my parents were not fanatics,
I learned at a very young age that the safest place for me was inside my head.

My Dad later had suspicions of my "true nature" early on as well. He used to take me to soccer games, until I sided with his team's archenemy - because I liked their uniforms better. But on the whole, sports never tickled my fancy.

As I grew older, my mannerisms and slightly higher-pitched voice made me an easy target for the bullies at school we dealt with. I remember how tirelessly and unsuccessfully I tried to fit in. My first boy crush happened during the time I was a Boy Scout, and I couldn't stop admiring my Scout Master.

That feeling of "difference" from others started out positive. I remember feeling a higher sense of understanding, and an idea that I was destined to do something great. Somehow along the way and influenced by others, I allowed myself to think that it wasn’t good, that I wasn’t good, and that I should comply.

Well compliance no more! When I got out from the haze, I finally realized how much being gay added to my life. And the experiences, pleasures, and intensity
I wouldn't know, if I hadn't been born this way.

And although I had some really rough times - I got through. And that confused and often scared little boy now stands a tall and proud GAY MAN!

Well, more proud than tall - I'm only 5' 5"...

René's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Javier Bardem (in "Jamon Jamon")

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