Tommy

Tommy, age 9

Bloomfield, New York (1989)

In my photo, I'd just won 2nd place in the Hula Hoop contest at my Catholic church's spring picnic. I was quite proud of my ribbon hanging from my ear.

My mom always said I "walked like John Wayne" but after watching home videos of me as a little kid, it was abundantly clear I did NOT walk like John Wayne. Not with that swish in my little hips! I was effeminate, plain and simple.

I loved playing with Tonka Trucks and Hot Wheels, and I also loved to sing and dance, but only when no one was looking or listening. Not because of the impression it gave, but because I didn't think I was very good at it.

Around the same time, my babysitter was letting me wear her daughter's dresses and bought me girls' panties to wear. She understood me better than my family would probably ever admit. Love you, Mrs. K!

I soon started watching "Who's The Boss" every chance I had so I could see Jonathan Pintauro as "Danny." By 12 I knew exactly why I liked him so much!

I had a crush on a boy in middle and high school, and this caused me to "fear" I was gay, which was very difficult to admit to myself. Of course, I never asked him out. I dreamed of fooling around with him, but in real life I would have been thrilled if he had just held my hand.

At age 19 I was in the military and living in California. I met a man 3 times my age and got into my first gay relationship. It didn't last long, as I had no idea who or what he was talking about most of the time. And I was probably a bit of a brat. Anyway, it proves that when it comes to relationships, sex isn't everything.

I came out to my family only a few years ago, and I surprised no one.
And I have the wonderful blessing of family and friends who support me.

Today, I enjoy my career as a machinist, living my life as true as I can each day.
Although I have no boyfriend or husband now, I have no doubt that someone special is out there waiting for me. :)

For those of you who are "different" - in any way - go ahead and OWN IT!
You are who you are, and love yourself first!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tommy

Tommy, age 2

San Jose, California (1975)

My mother tells me the staff at the Sears portrait studio were so impressed with this photo of me, that they wanted to hang it on their wall in the lobby. 

"What does the T stand for? Is it Tammy?" they said. "No," my mother corrected. "More like Tommy." This was my first reported instance of an occasion that would become a regular theme in my life.

I was 2-years old and people were already doing double-takes while apologizing under their breath for misidentifying my gender. "He’s pretty - for a boy” was the first of the backhanded compliments I was poised to receive as I got older.

As  a kid, it used to bother me that I was often mistaken for a girl, and my easily mortified teenage self suffered accordingly. Because people didn’t quite know how to categorize me by sight, I learned to transcend polarization. 

I understood early that gender was a social construction that was completely malleable. I felt the need to refrain from conforming to the gender biases of popular culture and to create my own. 

If I liked a shirt in the girl’s department and it fit me, I wasn’t stymied by the fact that it buttoned up the opposite side. I learned how to bridge the gap between my yin and yang. 

I trace the early understanding of gender politics I had to this photo.
T was for Tommy but it was also for trans - as in transcending transgender. 

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Tommy

Tommy, age 7
San Dimas, California (1981)

This was my favorite shirt in the 2nd grade. I called it my "Lando Calrissian shirt" because it was flowy. The best part was only the top had a button, and the rest were snaps that could easily "rip open." You'll see why this was important.

Back then, my best friend and I would play "Dukes of Hazzard" at recess. I was always Bo Duke, and my friend would have to rip my shirt open during fight scenes, because that's what happens to Bo.

When I got my butt kicked, I would make him play Daisy Duke to nurse me back to health.

Some boys came up one day and said we couldn't play like that, because Daisy was a girl. My friend decided we'd play with them, instead. One boy who didn't know how to properly "rip open" a snap-up shirt actually ripped my shirt.

He said he was sorry, but it was one of those fake apologies you say so you don't get in trouble. I had to sit in class the rest of the day in that ripped shirt, while other kids giggled and called me Daisy - despite the fact that I was clearly Bo.

When I told my mom how my shirt got ripped, she gave me one of those looks where I knew something had changed between us. Needless to say, she refused to get me another snap-up shirt.

Funny, though:
About 10 years later for Christmas, mom sent me and my first boyfriend matching shirts. That was my 2nd snap-up shirt. And I think he ended up ripping it, too...
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Tommy

Tommy, age 5

Ballston Spa, NY (1969)

I love this photo. I had no idea I was supposed to feel like something was "wrong with me" yet. The blue feather says it all.

I was about 5 years-old and I never went anywhere with out it. I felt I was more like a girl than a boy from about this age, until I hit puberty when my feelings were verified. Then I was sure I was doomed.

I didn't tell a soul until I came out at 22. Thank God times have changed!

Tommy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Robbie Benson & Scott Baio
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