Jill

Jill, age 5
Chicago, Illinois (1979)

I look back on this picture and think, 'Really, how could they not have known?!' My family was always very religious, and Easter was considered one of the most important Sundays of the year. So I'm surprised that my mother, who was always very concerned with appearances, let her 5-year old daughter wear a suit to Easter Sunday. I especially loved these pants. My grandmother had sewn the horse patch on my knee, as I'd ripped them one day while climbing a tree.

I was always a little tomboy from the very beginning - climbing trees and playing football with the little boys in the neighborhood. When I was 7, I begged my dad to install a basketball hoop in the driveway for me, which he did, while my sister played with her multiple Barbie dolls.

Back then, I had crushes on a few cute girls. I used to run around on the playground with the boys, but I'd chase the other girls. And I always told my sister from a very young age that I would never let some "yucky" boy kiss me when I got older.

By the time I came out, the general response from my friends was, 'I already know'. So people who really know you, they sometimes know you better than you know yourself. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be that everything works out as it's meant to be.

And, that true friends love you for who you are.

Jill's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Kristy McNichol & Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Scott

Scott, age 6

Durban, South Africa (1991)

There are defining moments in all our lives where we accurately depict a stereotype. This was my day to bloom. My sister obviously caught my attention with her new garb, and that shade of pink still seems to have that effect on me.

"Being fabulous, naturally"

If you look at all the expressiveness on my face, you can tell there is a sense of enlightenment there, a kind of insight that can only be explained by biology.

From that moment, I knew who I wanted to be, what I wanted to wear, and who I wanted to be surrounded by.

Looking back, seeing my gob-smacked hysterical outburst, it’s clear to me who made being me, as easy as it was.

So to my sister: Cheers to every silent creatress camouflaged in pink.
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Suzie

Suzie, age 2

Kalgoorlie, W. Australia (1993)

Even as a child, I always hated pink. I point blank refused to wear it. I could live with dresses, so long as they were not pink. It didn’t take mum long to realize that I liked blue much better. Because of my masculine face (so similar to my fathers), people were always saying 'what a pretty little boy he is!'. Still today, I get called Sir on a regular basis.

By the time I was age 8, I chopped off all my hair off refused to let it grow back. Although, I tried when I was 12 to let it grow a bit to try and fit in better. That lasted all of two years. My lack of hair is now the bane of my mother’s existence.

Growing up in a country mining town on the edge of the desert, the men were manly men, and the women were housewives. End of story. There was no room for a girl with short hair who refused to conform. When I started 1st grade, the kids at school would call me ‘Susan Gay’ instead of ‘Susan Day’.

I guess they knew before I did.

The library was my haven. Originally it was a place to escape the bullies and the summer heat, but as I grew older and realized that I wasn’t the same as the other girls in my class, I found a wealth of information, comfort and inclusion.
I read books like "Keeping You A Secret" by Julie Ann Peters, "Annie On My Mind" by Nancy Garden, and the amazing Rainbow Boys series and "The God Box" by Alex Sanchez, which helped me find peace between my faith and my sexuality.

All the while, I was bullied. I even tried dating a guy (one of my worst mistakes ever). It took me a long time to move on from those experiences. Eventually I attempted suicide, and thankfully, I survived.

To all young queer people out there, suicide is not the answer! I eventually got out, went to Europe and to university, got a chance to go to a gay bar, march in a parade, meet girls, and do everything I never could when I was growing up.

Just hang in there, because it WILL get better!
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Trevor

Trevor, age 4

Adrian, MI (1992)

Here I am, giving someone the "bitch please" look at a park. Yes, it was me giving attitude far too early. I'm surprised I didn't snap my fingers. I always knew I was different. Always. Even when I was trying to fit in with the cool kids, I would never rightfully fit in everywhere. And, I mainly felt pretty lonely.

But I guess I wasn't a very gay child, as I liked playing sports - just not being forced to. My dad wasn't around very much, and when he was, he would just pressure me to be more of the boy he wanted.

I enjoyed my action figures, pop music, and every video game I could find. Plus Dinosaurs, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers - you name it. I even had my favorite Tonka trucks. Yet, I wasn't like the other kids in a lot of ways.

The age it really hit me was was at 11, at a birthday party for two classmates. I had no idea I really liked one of the boys, but he didn't talk to me the entire party.

Afterward in the car with my family on the way home, I started crying uncontrollably. I didn't even know why, other than being sad that he didn't even say "hi" to me. Thinking about it now, it's so stupid - but it makes complete sense.

I told my family to leave me alone and that I felt like I wanted to kill myself... ugh... mistake. My gay alarm should have gone off. Still, I ignored it until about 17 where I admitted to myself that 'maybe I was bi' since I knew I anatomically liked men from watching straight porn. I thought that, ya know, maybe just maybe, one day I would develop feelings for a girl.

It took me until 20 to really accept that yes, I was gay - and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My family had always been bigots, and when I finally came out and told them a boy had taken my heart, it was not accepted. The snide comments started right away and the 'you're not my son' ignoring began. I didn't even talk to my parents for months, other than, 'Hey! How's it going?

As for my friends, most of them were like, 'Really!? COOL!'. I got just a high five from one, a 'Good to know,' and of course the, 'I always suspected' I remember being told in high school that if I were gay, I'd be the perfect shopping buddy.
Yup. Still didn't like shopping.

At least now we can talk about our crush on Ryan Reynolds. On the other hand, I did lose three guy friends. And a best friend since Middle School deleted me on Facebook (and in person), because his mom was convinced I would 'give him the gay'. I still see him around and I know he misses what we had, but he's a grown man who still can't make his own decisions.

My advice to the upcoming generation: Stick to your guns.

For the sake of your own well-being, don't let someone tell you who to be. Whichever veil you put around yourself to be safe, know that inside that shell you must grow, and eventually you will be outside of it exploring the world without it.

As a creative thinker I jumped outside the box completely. It's not for everyone, but if you're tough, then take the world on. The path is tumultuous, and you're going to want to give up - but listen to that thing that says, "I will be happy" and you will get there. Love life, and love what you live.

Randy

Randy, age 4

Flat Rock, Michigan (1964)

I recently found this photo of me holding this glass ornament on my 4th Christmas. By my 6th Christmas, I knew that I was attracted to other boys in a "special" way. In fact, my first crush was in kindergarten! I was also very artistic and not very athletic. And so I created for myself a niche in the social fabric of my childhood: I was nice to everyone, accepted the role as class "Artist" like a haven, and suppressed my innate gay feelings with all my heart.

I was the peacemaker, the peace keeper, the intuitive kid that most of my classmates liked. I made my teachers and parents proud.
I spent my youth watching, and wondering, and waiting - and that's the me I see in this photo.

Today, I am an elementary school teacher, and since 1994 I've worked for a public school district that has the courage to allow me to be openly gay and a teacher.

Everyday, my experiences as a child informs my interactions with the students I teach. In spite of my openness, most people don't assume that I'm gay.

As for the students' parents, they appreciate my generosity, my caring, my pedagogical skills, and my sensitivity to their children's individuality. Each time that I make that connection with a parent, it's a precious epiphany

These are aspects of my abilities that I believe are a direct result of being born gay. And being born this way has been, for me, a gift. As a man, the little boy holding the fragile orb has discovered how truly wonderful his gayness is.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Conrad (in "Wild Wild West")

His pants were always tight like leotards!. And those crystal blue eyes...
We're talking major hard-on factory.

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Claudia

Claudia, age 3

Ravenna, OH (1962)

That's me holding the stuffed animal and that's my brother sitting next to me. I'm wearing a flannel shirt and jeans, and - notice the short hair? All my life I remember wanting to wear boys clothing and shoes. I never liked girlie things.
I wanted toy guns, trucks and G.I. Joe, and I never played with Barbie.

I had a crush on my 1st grade teacher and crushes on many women growing up. I had no clue what the feeling was at that time. When I was in grade school, I had an imaginary girlfriend. I used to sit on the bus and wouldn't allow anyone to sit with me so my imaginary girlfriend could sit next to me.

The word lesbian didn't exist where I went to school. I did not come out until I was 22 and I fought it tooth and nail. I did not want to be "abnormal". One of my biggest crushes was my during senior year in high school. My best friend Robyn was the homecoming queen, and I used to walk her to classes and carry her books for her. You would have thought I had a clue then, but I didn't.

The best advice I can give young people today is be true to yourself and be who you are. I give the teens today a lot of credit for coming out so young, and realizing who they are.