Kevin

Kevin, age 3

Marlow, Oklahoma (1967)

This tea set was one of my cousin Suzanne's Christmas gifts. We're 7 months apart and we'd sometimes swap Christmas toys. One year we both got portable record players with companion story books. I got "Peter Rabbit" and Suzanne "Sleeping Beauty" and we traded. She always shared her Barbies with me, too.
It's one of the reasons I grew so close to Suzanne, as she never judged me about playing with "girl" toys. She's a grandmother now and we're still very close.

I learned from my family's reactions to my desire to play house (or dress up, or to have a Ken doll) that there was something odd in wanting these things. But I was totally ignorant of what it all meant. But in 4th grade, I asked my mother what the name I was being called on the playground meant. She told me that a "homo" was a man who lived with another man, like she lived with my father.

I could tell from the way she described it that she disapproved of "homos" too.
So I pretended to be disgusted by it. As I felt certain she was convinced that I was one too, I went upstairs and cried. There was a name for it, I knew it's what I was, and that I'd be hated for it. And I was horrified that everyone else could tell.

I felt I was the only one. I tried to butch it up, but wasn't very good at playing the lie. I was bullied remorselessly until I got older, and started making friends outside of high school and college. The bullying not only tortured me, it also did a number on my parents. It put them in a very difficult position of protecting me, while standing by and teaching me accepted social standards for male behavior.

That drove a wedge between us, even as they tried to comfort my regular crying fits of frustration and humiliation. I didn't feel they understood me, and I had no way to understand what they were going through either.

My father tells the story of how he went to work one day, and left his happy, gregarious, open, smiling son. And when he returned I was sullen, withdrawn and suspicious. My father thought that I was angry with him. We had a very hard time until after I was 26 and came out to them. He and my mother already knew, though she was deep in denial. But my dad already accepted me. He helped my mother through her problems with my sexuality, and continued to identify and grapple with his issues.

I wish that the social mores back then hadn't soured our relationship. But we're close now, we focus on the present, and my mother continues to come along. 

When I think about today's gay youth, I see some who still struggle with the difficulties that I, and so many others, had. But I also see so many young people who are defining the world with new eyes and fewer boundaries. They're evidence of the positive effect we've had on our world, by refusing to live in the shadows.

And they will go on to tell their stories, and those who struggle will become fewer and fewer. More people will realize that we are people, we are somewhere in every family, and we deserve to be treated fairly and with respect.

And soon accept that being gay isn't about what we do in bed, but who we love. 

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Superman (comic-book version)

But, I wanted to be Lois Lane
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Josh

Josh, age 2

Brooklyn, New York (1974)

Here I am holding a pretzel rod in one hand and, making jazz hands in the other. And look at the sparkle in those eyes.

I was always into the arts from as far back as I can remember (age 4 or so) and that continues to this day. I knew I was a gay kid around 7 or 8-years-old, but didn't know what "gay" was. I just had crushes on other boys and that was that.

As an adult, I love this picture. It accurately reflects the person I continue to be today. When people see this photo, they say 'You're just the same!' - and I like to think they're right. My friends have always all been cool with me being gay. Most of them are NYC born and bred artists, so being gay to them is just being human.

I don't think my father took too well to my tendencies, but I suppose it's like that for a lot of fathers of gay boys. It's a toughie. He could have done better, but I don't hold it against him. Unfortunately, I was still closeted when my Mom passed away, and still denying to her that my boy friend was actually my boyfriend. That kinda sucks upon reflection: being asked flat out and denying it. 

For gay kids, I say go find the other kids in your community that are gay.
There are more gay resources and role models now than ever, so don't be ashamed or afraid. Find support and be supportive. It gets better, as they say.

Josh's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ricky Martin (in Menudo)

Jason Bateman (in "The Hogan Family")

Guess I had Gaydar on Ricky, eh? But neither of 'em interest me now.

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Keith

Keith, age 2

Detroit, Michigan (1964)

Believe it or not, I remember the moment, captured in this pic, when I saw "Him" - a dreamy, teenage, male friend of my mother's family. I didn't feel gay or "different" at this time, just in love. And, I'm so glad that I'm dressed quite handsomely in my tie, plaid vest, and penny loafers. To this day, I feel a rush when I look at this pic, which is why I love it so much.

So it's the mid to late 60's, but, unfortunately - I don't have any pictures of me wearing my Mary Poppins hat and trying to fly with my Mary Poppins umbrella. I suppose it was around 1965 that I did sense "different" when I'd hear my parents arguing about the clothes and toys my mother was buying me. 

Closely associated was my constant desire to fly either like Ms. Poppins or
The Flying Nun, which drove my father nuts. 

Then there was Penny Robinson (Angela Cartwright) of "Lost In Space."
I wanted to be her, especially when she was "dropping out" on the planet of teenagers and go-go dancing. Sipping TAB at my parents' bar, I'd be Ann-Marie (Marlo Thomas) of "That Girl" and, whenever I had to dust, I'd imagine I was one of the glamorous, wafting women in the Pledge furniture polish ads.

But the guy who really "wow"-ed me back then was <blush> William Shatner! On the original "Star Trek," when he was paired up with Michael Forest in the 'Who Mourns for Adonais?' episode - I was one happy, tingly, little shaver.

Then the 70's came, and things went dark. Going from happy, little shaver to the object of bullies' anger wasn't easy, but all of us go through bad times throughout our lives. I think the ability to fly away, if even just in my mind, helped me get through and into a better time and place.

Keith's first, famous-person same sex crush:

William Shatner ("Star Trek")
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Frank

Frank, age 5

Chicago, Illinois (1961)

My mother would always tell me that I was a smiling and laughing child. Everywhere she took me, people would remark 'What a wonderful laughing baby!' She tells me that I was always curious of the environment around me. And smiling opened doors for me. I remember this photo being taken by a professional photographer who made a house call. I remember having fun "posing". Pick any picture from my formative years, and you'll find me either posing and smiling.

"Move over Madonna - I'm striking a pose"

When I entered 1st grade, I would hold other male students' hands and pretended to be married to them. I was bullied as a child and endured beatings and humiliation. I am grateful that awareness of bullying has come to the forefront.

When the school bell rang at 3:00pm in the afternoon to go home, I would run out the door in order to avoid bullies. Some even waited for me in hallways. I was even suspended from school for ditching Physical Ed.

The principal and powers that be NEVER understood why I ditched school like that.

I was forbidden to play with dolls, but managed to sew outfits for my sister's Barbie. I would hide my creations in a bag and bury them. My bag of sewn creations would come out anytime my parents left the house.

And the man I am today? Born this way and damn proud!

Frank's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Vaughn (in "The Man From U.N.C.L.E.")
Adam West (as "Batman")

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Minita

Minita, age 9

Bombay, India (1985)

I have no idea why my parents were surprised when I came out! I was always the tomboy. This picture is me around 9 years old, deeply tanned after a summer of swimming - and looking very much like a young boy.

I always knew I was gay, I just didn't have words to describe it. I just knew I liked girls. Though, growing up in India, you didn't say such things. Not aloud, anyway.

As a kid, I wanted to be Superman, never Supergirl.
I wanted to be just like Christopher Reeve.

My role model was Martina Navratilova. So imagine my surprise when I found out later that she's gay.

I was so scared someone would figure it out, and that my parents would throw me out. Or not being able to talk to my sisters, whom I adored. I waited till 24 to come out, and after the initial surprise, life settled back to normal.


My parents still love me, my sisters are still my best friends. Life is good.

Minita's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jodie Foster

And I didn't even know she was gay. I found that out much later.

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Brent

Brent, age

Dallas, TX (1975)

My mom took this when I was dancing or performing on my bed, showing off a new shirt and a pair of Tough-Skin overalls. Note the notch of hair I cut out, perfecting my Buster Brown hairstyle while playing in front of mommie's make-up mirror.

I was very outgoing and had a deep voice as a child, so no one suspected much. But I loved to sing, dress up, and be the center of attention.

One of the earliest memories indicating I was gay is jumping on my bed with another boy my age, wearing nothing but pillowcases.

And deciding that the two of us were going to run away and be together forever. Alas, our attempt failed.

Growing up, I hated sports but I loved art, the theater, fashion, and hanging out with other guys.

By the time I was changing clothes in a junior high locker room, I knew I was different. I remember oogling over pictures of guys, first the underwear models in the JC Penny catalog, then guys on the cover of those appropriately-named Teen Beat and Tiger Beat magazines. And of course, the good old International Male catalog.

The fact that a 14-year old subscribed to the International Male catalog should have been a huge hint, but my sweet mom could have cared less. I was never really teased for being gay growing up, because 80's fashion allowed us to hide our sexuality - trying to be "fresh" or "new wave". And I had such a crush on Billy Idol, that I spray painted his name in four foot letters under a bridge once.

I knew I was different back then and really hoped I'd start liking girls, but it never happened. In high school, I secretly had crushes on a few guys and after a couple of encounters in college, it was getting harder to deny who I was to myself. Still, this was during the height of the AIDS epidemic, and most people's reactions to the word "gay" only pushed me further and further in the closet.

I came out in the 90's when I was 25, and my family was incredibly supportive and accepting. By my late 20's, I'd fully embraced who I was, kicked the closet door wide, and become a confident, independent and worldly gay man. I met my partner when I lived in New York, and we've been together almost 10 years.
I'm 40 now, and we are hoping to start a family of our own soon.

My advice to young people struggling with their sexuality is this:
Don't let others determine your self worth. They can only do that if you let them.

Brent's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Scott Baio

I totally wanted him to be my 'Chachi in Charge' and distinctly remember a picture of him in a muscle shirt, sporting feathered hair that made me swoon.

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