Kelly

Kelly, age 2

Lynchburg, VA (1972)

I knew I was different when most of my friends in school were girls. I also had a flare for fashion, as the kid in parachute pants and skinny black leather tie.
I could not go to a Prom in just a black tux, I had to have color. As a pre-teen,
I "experimented" as most boys do. But the summer before 9th grade, I spent the night over at a friend's house for a couple nights.

"Did my mom really think I wouldn't be gay?"

We found dirty magazines in his older brother's drawers, and we commented on the guys. A few hours later, he broached the subject of 'testing' the waters.

I said okay, with the stipulation that if I did not like it, I didn't have to return the favor. We fooled around, and from that point on, I definitely knew I was different.

Through the rest of high school, I had a few girlfriends. In my freshman year of college, I got a summer retail job and started getting hit on by guys there, but I just tried to avoid it. But, I met a guy around my age, and we ended up going out secretly. For over 13 years, we would sneak around. He was out, but I was not - and as I got into a high profile job, I could not come out.

Then, September 11, 2001 really woke me up. At that point I decided I needed to get out more, which meant visiting my "secret" friend in Washington, DC. We really clicked, and I decided that if anyone asked, I would tell them the truth. After 9 months, I quit my job and moved to DC to be with him. Eventually though, we both realized we were better off being friends and not lovers.

At age 32, and after burning through my 401k and too much alcohol and drugs, I broke down. I drove 5 hours to my mom's house in Southern, VA. I was a nervous wreck, but I spilled the beans to her. We cried, and though she said she did not approve, she made it clear she loved me. She also told me not to tell my father (they were divorced), so I didn't tell him.

I'm now in Richmond, VA and out and open. I met Jeff in 2002, and we've been together ever since. In 2010 we got married legally in Washington DC with my best friend as my best man. Our beautiful reception included friends, fraternity brothers, co-workers, and most importantly, my dad, step-mom, brother & niece.

Having to make this short, I just have to say to anyone:
I was fortunate to have very cool and open-minded friends. Though my mother still does not approve, she still visits, and gives Jeff a Christmas present every year. And just my dad just officially knowing within the last year has been awesome. My brother, who even lived with us for a while, has been a great bridge to my family and making it easier to cope.

I am out at work and somewhat active in the gay community here in Richmond. To say there have not been some rough spots professionally and personally would be a lie, but each rough patch has made me learn and made me stronger.

It is such a great feeling to have the weight of hiding who I am off my shoulders, and be able to live openly. I was born this way, and I love it!

Kelly's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Tom Cruise (in "Risky Business")

Zane

Zane, age 9

Redmond, Washington (1999)

The story behind this pic goes a little deeper than you'd expect. It's evidence of my mother's failed attempt to get me to act more feminine. Back then, I was a confused 9-year old little girl, who wanted to be a boy who liked boys.

I remember my first love. His name was Cornelious, the Prince from the animated kids film, "Thumbelina," and I knew it was love at first sight.

I also knew that he'd never love me back until I became a boy.

Oh, the logic of a 9-year old...

I wasn't your average trans kid.

Being a tomboy had its moments, but never really appealed to me. I wanted to be a boy, but I still wanted to be able to play with my Barbies and sing and dance.

Today, I'm a not-so-typical
 21-year old gay man, with his black belt in taekwondo, a love for Star Trek, and a passion for dance.

Looks like nothing much has changed.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jeff

Jeff, age 4

Emmaus, Pennsylvania (1966)

Here we are in Trexlertown, PA when my grandparents came to visit, and brought my cousin Rhonda along. We lived 4 hours apart, but saw each other often enough to feel really close. We always knew we shared a special bond, but we wouldn't know why until much later. Yup, my cousin Rhonda is gay, too.

That day, we all got to pick a hat from the gift shop. I'm 2nd left, wearing the red felt cap with a white feather - a Swiss Yodeler style, I believe - and I'm holding a daffodil. Rhonda chose the rebel soldier hat with the cross-guns emblem on the front. She was a few months older than me and was always my protector, amid the rough and tumble moments when all the cousins got together.

Our family is ultra-conservative and has never accepted that we're both gay.
To their credit, they've accepted us within the context of their rules, although they judge us and look down on us. Those "rules" were never pleasant for us, and over time, I realized those rules primarily ended up hurting them. My partner of 11 years is not welcome in my family's home, and that's truly their loss.

Our family views our being gay through the caricature of their beliefs, so they don’t really know us: we're just "the queer cousins." But she and I have made the best of it, and we're lucky because we always had each other, and still do.

Jeff's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Tom Selleck

I clipped out the Salem cigarette ads he did, which was a bit hard to explain.
Rhonda crushed on Olivia Newton-John, setting the course for her life/loves.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Christie

Christie, age 6

Ft. Worth, TX (1968)

I was a tomboy from the start, and I always wanted to be a knight, a superhero, or the Lone Ranger.
I loathed dolls, homemaking, and dresses.

My dreams were different from other girls once I was in school, and they, too, sensed the difference. I failed to adore the boy hearthrob of the moment. And I was in love with Julie Andrews!

I think today we see a much better world for queers. There is much more acceptance, and I think that one day soon, I may get to marry my beloved lady. Today, I DO get to practice martial arts, I try to be the best White Knight that I can, and - I am still in love with Julie Andrews.


My best advice to young gays and lesbians is to trust in yourself and your feelings. Become aware of all the negative socialization that bombards you, and learn to separate that from yourself.

Love yourself, love others, and follow your heart.

Tony

Tony, age 8

Seattle, Washington (1970)

My photo shows me on a warm July day holding our neighbor’s cat. I'm oddly dressed in a green wool sweater, long pants, and my Buster Brown shoes. My bedroom inside the house is immaculate. I'm polite and helpful, just as my report card proves. And I have excellent handwriting.

34 years have since passed, and I ponder what I would tell my kid-self now, if I had the chance.

Do I warn him about what's to come in the next 25 years?

Or do I just embrace him, pull him close, and whisper gently in his ear, ‘Just hang in there!’

I might have to whisper in his ear other words, like gay and pride and therapy and even suicide.

Should I tell this gallant and courteous A-student with the Disney "Jungle Book" lunch-box what I now believe he should know?

Should I explain it all to him preemptively, before the "different" feelings start, even though he's already having them?

Not just yet, I guess.

What my picture shows is accurate to what I would eventually put myself through, and what other gay boys put themselves through:

Me at age 8, being such a good boy, and already pretending that I loved pussy.

Tony's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Edward Mulhare (in "The Ghost & Mrs. Muir")

Robert Redford (in "The Way We Were")

Talk about 'daddies!' When Redford's in bed with Streisand, his meadow of wheat-blond chest hair glowing in the moonlight, I got a stirring in the theater.

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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Derek

Derek, age 7

Provo, Utah (1985)

Growing up, we spent every July 4th at my grandparents' house, where we'd watch BYU's Stadium Of Fire fireworks show on the front lawn. Sharlene Wells (a Utahan) had won the 1985 Miss America pageant and was a guest star at the show, and this was my tribute to her. I thought my family might get bored waiting for the show, so my solution was to bring Sharlene Wells to them. I can still remember watching her win the crown on TV, and wanting to be classy like her. I didn't know that someone so poised and perfect could be from Utah.

"Eat your heart out, Sharlene!"

I had the best Barbie collection on my street and was given a Cabbage Patch doll, named Richard, during the height of their popularity.

My Janet Jackson posters, karaoke machine, and Madonna tapes were my prized possessions growing up.

I was never ashamed for liking these things that other boys weren't playing with. To me, these things were perfectly normal.

I don't remember realizing that I was gay until much later, and I was never really taught what gay was.

Once I was older in the Mormon church, and due to my peers using "gay" as a derogatory term, I learned it was something that was different. Something that society didn't accept.

That was the first time I felt different.

I hid in the church as long as I could, before realizing that the self denial and suppression it expected from me was unfair, since this was who I was and this was how I was born. I didn't come out to myself until I was 20, and to my family a couple years after that.

I have the most amazing parents, who taught us kids to always be ourselves and to love unconditionally. They taught us to not put labels on people. They have embraced each of their children individually, and love us for exactly who we are.

My message and advice to gay kids out there is: You are heroes.

You won't know it until later, but you are heroes. By being yourself, you are changing this world for good and are instrumental in spreading love and equality awareness. If you feel alone, please reach out to one of the amazing organizations that are out there, and surround yourself with people who make the foundation you stand on even stronger.

Derek's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Pierce Brosnan (in "Remington Steele")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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