Johnny

Johnny, age 3

Rockford, IL (1949)

That's me, wedged between my brother and my father at our favorite summer retreat: Clear Lake, Wisconsin. Even though I look reasonably happy, I probably wasn't, as I hated having my picture taken.

I can't remember a time when I didn't know I was somehow different than other boys.

The Christmas after this picture was taken, I was obsessed with getting a dollhouse from Santa. Amazingly, my parents got me one. That probably wasn't the first clue they had.

As I grew older, I began to pick up little hints and suggestions that the way I acted wasn't really acceptable.

I remember telling my mother about junior high crushes I had on other boys, until I figured out she didn't really want to hear it.

I had been having crushes on boys for a long time. I had a big crush on Bobby Driscoll, who played Jim Hawkins in the Disney version of "Treasure Island" - and I was only 4-years old. But my parents never said anything.

And they said nothing when I never once had a date in junior and senior high school. Or in college, for that matter. They never said anything when I never played baseball or didn't do other boyish things, preferring instead to read.

The problem, was there were no gay role models in our conservative town. There was no way for me to even put a label on the feelings I had. When my best friend and I fooled around at age 11, it didn't open a new world for me; it pushed me further back into the closet.

It took me a long time to accept myself for what I am, and I had to go through a lot of pain and sorrow to get there.

If I have any advice to give young gay kids, it is:
Don’t be afraid to be who you know you are. You can't live in denial all your life.

All the suffering I experienced did teach me a valuable lesson, however: that I'm not the only one who is suffering. I've been a Buddhist monk since 1993, and I now dedicate my life to helping others find true happiness. It's the least I can do.

Johnny's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Bobby Driscoll (in "Treasure Island")

Brandon DeWilde (in "Shane")
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Jose

Jose, age 3
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic (1980)

"I feel like nothing else in the world would change me, even if I was born again"

This is a section in an autobiographic novel I'm writing. I don't know when I'm going to finish it, but if my mother was alive, I imagine she'd tell me:
"What are you waiting for? People would die to have that kind of creativity."

My mother died of cancer when I was 6-years old, and the way I remember her is like the rocket to my dreams.

She was a free spirited woman; always buying me aquarelles, crayons, puzzles, and creative stuff for her little Jochy, her loving nickname for me.

Since I was little, I felt a passion for colors. And as If I already knew their meaning for the gay community - I loved rainbows.


On TV, I adored Jem & The Holograms, Care Bears, My Little Pony, Sailor Moon, and Japanese anime'. I loved dancing to Sade, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper in the rain, even if catching a cold got me in trouble with mom.

I remember taking down the kitchen curtains to use as a little skirt, to dance like the beautiful ballerina swirling on my grandma's music box. The compartment in the back was like a magic box of images and enchantments filling the air.

I loved playing with my cousins' Barbies, brushing their hair, and making dresses for them. That might sound like a cliché now, but that was part of my creative universe. Then on weekends, me and my cousins would turn grandma's little backyard into a battlefield for our toys.

That was me, an imaginative child that would make the world his playground, like writing tales in the sky. Those childhood dreams became a man's desire to build a better place, a world that gave the best from the inside to outside. I realize now this all became a passion for architecture, which is my major in college now.

Ultimately, discovering myself and learning to love the true me, is a journey that keeps inspiring transcendence in my heart. Living a life that is a lie only serves to wake you, or it breaks you.

Being human and a passenger for this short voyage called life is all that matters. So enjoy the view and paint the sky with more magic rainbows.

Carpe diem! And give yourself a big hug!

Jose's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Atkins (in "Blue Lagoon")

Greg

Greg, age 5

Paducah, Kentucky (1973)

My sister and I got into Grandma's hats, and of course, I picked the pink fluffy one. It WAS the most stylish. A year later, I sent my mother clamoring for the Valium when she asked who I wanted to be for Halloween in 1st grade.

I replied, "Batgirl." I was Batman. The next year I said, "Wonder Woman."
I was Spider-Man. The NEXT year I said, "Isis." I was Batman - again. Then in 4th grade, I said, "C-3PO"  and she breathed a sigh of relief. That is, until I put on the costume and said in a lisping English accent, "Oh, R2!" Amazingly, my mother never took up drinking...

I saw "Return from Witch Mountain" in 1978 and had my first crush on Ike Eisenmann, who played Tony.

Then I realized my friends were developing crushes on famous women or female classmates.

And I thought, "When does that happen to me?" I'm still waiting.

Everything was fine in my life, until late Middle School and High School. That's when the tormenting began, and I cringe to this day thinking about it all.

But as SOON as I was out of high school, things got much better.

Without the constant grip of fear, my grades shot up to honors level, and I grew much more confident in myself. It was a few more years before I finally came out, but when I did, I felt even better.

My advice to all going through it now is:

Find supportive friends. Be yourself. And LIVE your life to its fullest!
And rock your own pink, fluffy hats! _______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Andrea

Andrea, age 10

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada (1996)

Growing up, I always felt a lot different than other girls. I dressed in what I wanted, which was by no means girly. When shopping for new clothes, I went straight to the boys section. My Mom or Dad never questioned me, they just let me wear what I wanted.

I loved jeans, sleeveless shirts, and hoodies. Dresses and pretty clothes had no room in my life, let alone my closet.

I tore apart bikes and tried to put them back together again, built forts, and played baseball and road hockey.

My first crush was on a girl I had never spoken to in my life. She lived in the same neighborhood as my grandparents, and I was attracted to her long wavy hair.

Every weekend we'd visit, I'd head right to the basketball courts. Not to play basketball, but to wait for that girl to come out of her house, just across the street.


I never questioned my feeling for girls, nor did I tell anyone. But I just did not think twice about them. I knew I liked girls, and that was it. It was who I was.

I got frustrated as a child being mistaken for a boy, or questioned about what I wore, or how I cut my hair. But, I lived for the moments when girls mistook me for a boy and told me I was cute, or had a crush on me.

I feel lucky that my mom and dad always let me wear what I wanted to wear, and be who I was. There were no questions asked. Because of this, I came out at an early age. I had enough support from my family to not hide who I was in school or with friends, and to be confident with my sexuality.

I hope all young children grow up being who they want to be, and that they can feel confident and secure about who they are. Because we are born this way!
And the only choice we make is to be true to ourselves - or to hide who we are.

Jarryd

Jarryd, age 3

Loveland, OH (1983)

When I came across this photo in a family album, the first thing that comes to mind is: Oh, the 80's! A mohair patterned sofa AND wood paneling? Obviously a truly dark time for interior design.

With that said, it's time the world knows that I would have kept that handbag if I'd known how truly fierce I looked. And the storage inside? Amazing. I mean, that bag carried all of my necessities: sunglasses, Chapstick, breath mints, and of course My Little Pony (I only wish I was exaggerating).

I got the idea for carrying the handbag around and wearing those shades from watching soap operas while home with my mother. What can I say? Those ladies had style to die for. I also feel inclined to share this: you can't really see in the photo, but I totally had my nails painted pearlized pink. I can thank my grandmother for that one. I wanted them done and she did them.

My two favorite films growing up were "Hocus Pocus" (I saw it 12 times in the theater) and "Sleeping Beauty." My mom had to buy two copies of that, just so she could rewind one, while the other one played. God help you if it wasn't ready!!! As for Maleficent? True love.

You hear the same story time after time: "Growing up I always knew." As a kid, it wasn't just me that knew. EVERYONE knew I was different.

However, I was lucky enough to have a family that supported me right from the start, and never once tried to hold me back. When I finally 'came out' at 17, they had prepared themselves far in advance for that inevitable conversation.

It was still one of the hardest things I've EVER had to say to someone.
But each time you say it, you get a little wiser, and a little stronger. 

Go Forth! Come Out — it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Jarryd's first, famous-person same sex crush:

"Marky Mark" Wahlberg
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Spencer

Spencer, age 6

Holdrege, NE (1985)

So, I LOVED to play with Barbies and She-Ra, thanks to my little sis! I had two older brothers that didn’t want to have anything to do with me - other than beat me up - so they let me do whatever.


I had inklings about being "different" probably around the age I am in this photo.

But, in small town Nebraska, you just keep your mouth shut.

That said, when I did come out at 21, my family, friends, and colleagues were all very supportive.

In fact, both my parents and brothers didn't believe me, at first about things like that.

This picture helped "refresh" their memories - haha!

And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you have this blog!

Spencer's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ricky Martin

Estoy enamorado de Ricky

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