Patrick

Patrick, age 8

Pascagoula, MS (1988)

From an early age I was one of those little boys that liked to play dress up. I never cross dressed exactly, but feminine accessories interested me.

I was about 6 when my grandma caught me playing with her "robber purse", a decoy purse with a $10 bill she left lying around the house.

At 8, my cousin caught me trying on this French beret and scarf, seen in my pic. I guess I grew out of all this, as I'm not at all into fashion now, and never wear scarves.

I'd be lying if I said I knew from an early age I was gay. I suspected in high school, and didn't really deal with it until I was in college. The writing was on the wall though.

I did always know that I was a little different, and more quiet and contemplative than most kids. My favorite things in the world was watching "The Golden Girls," "Designing Women," and "Steel Magnolias" with my grandma.

This was all fun and normal to me, until I grew up enough to be tainted by the outside world's idea of what "normal" was.

My family was great though, always letting me just be myself. When I finally came out to my folks, their response was that they had suspected it since I was barely 5 years old!

There was actually a big "what if" discussion about it, when I came swishing into the room, as my parents and their friends sat around at a party. In hindsight,
I wish they would have told me.

My coming out may have been easy, but it didn't make growing up gay in small town Mississippi easy. Peers were not so understanding, and life was pretty tough until college. But as I have grown up, things have gotten better. And in college,
I finally began to integrate all the feelings I had been having.

The biggest thing I want kids to realize, is that all of those things that made me so different back then, just make me interesting and fun to others now. When I talk to my gay friends about growing up, most of them have had similar experiences.

So to all the questioning, curious, LGBTQ kids out there, I say: Hang in there!
Just be yourself, and it will all come out in the wash.

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Michael J. Fox

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Evan

Evan, age 6

Penang, Malaysia (1968)

I was a very shy and introverted kid. Being in an upper class family, I went to the best schools. But for some strange reason, kids in elementary school avoided me, so I did the same towards them.

I guess I first felt same-sex urges when
I was about 5. We had an adult male on staff in our house, and I recall being very attracted to him. One morning, before everyone was awake, I climbed into bed with him.

Nothing happened, but I felt a great sense of warmth and security. I liked it so much, I made it a habit to wake up early, just to snuggle in next to him.

Then one morning my elder sister "caught" me, and had a disgusted look on her face. It was enough to stop me from any further sleep-in's!

I never told anyone about my homosexuality until my late 20's.

Aside from a brief "encounter" with the family chauffeur, I never fooled around with another boy until I was 11. I wasn’t scared at all. In fact, I was very calm about the whole thing, while it lasted.

My intuition told me that my dad knew I was different, even if he didn't say much. He always told me I was his special child, so that might have been his way of acknowledging my difference.

I came out to my mom after dad died, which was a big mistake. She didn't do anything harsh, but she was totally cold. It was a good thing I'd been living on my own by then.

Evan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Kevin Tighe (on TV's "Emergency")

I carried his autographed picture with me everywhere, and I was proud of it.
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Grant

Grant, age 4

Bay Area, California (1969)

In 1968, I was "The Flying Nun" for Halloween, as I was obsessed with her TV show. Everyone had a big laugh over the boy in a dress! But being so young,
I really didn't understand what all the fuss was about.

I kept wearing my magical dress for playtime, all the way through here, in the summer of '69. I started to sense that I was different from anyone I knew.

By the time I was 12, it dawned on me that I was gay. And I felt that if anyone found out about my attraction to boys, I would be utterly destroyed. I desperately did whatever it took to seem straight, like dating girls and playing football, etc.

By the time I was 25, I was like a dam with a thousand cracks in it, and I finally came out to my friends and family. They were all totally supportive, but it was tough for my parents at first. 

They came around though, and my dad ended up happily walking me down the aisle when I got married to my man, 4 years ago.

Today, I couldn't be happier with my amazing husband (we've been together for 7 years), our 2 dogs, and my job as an illustrator in New York.

If you feel alienated, or having trouble accepting who you are - hang in there! There is no "normal," and what you're trying to hide or suppress now, will soon become one of your greatest gifts. And a source of strength.

Just like that little boy in the nun dress, be true to yourself.
And you will learn to fly, too!

Grant's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Glen Campbell (singer)
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Matt

Matt, age 8

Oxnard, CA (1993)

I can tell you the moment when I knew something was "different" about me.
It was around the time of this photo, and I was with a group of boys the same age and slightly older. One of the older boys took his shirt off, and I couldn't stop staring. The exact thought that ran through my head was, 'What is happening? Why can't I take my eyes off of him?'

As years passed, many issues of Tiger Beat read, letters to Jonathan Taylor Thomas written, and countless viewings of "Steel Magnolias," I was still in the proverbial closet. And I had no clue.

In high school, I had a crush on the head cheerleader, but secretly longed for the football captain. It was, give or take, around this moment that I knew I was not different.

I was gay.

I didn't come out until I was 20-years old. And my foot was completely out of the closet door when I told my parents at 21.

Telling my parents was the hardest part, but with the reassurance of my amazing sister and two older cousins, I knew everything would be OK.

I can only hope they know how important their support was during this time. Looking back on those years, I cringe just thinking about how alone and isolated I made myself.



I was so wrapped up in my own head, I failed to realize all the people around me that loved me, for me. If I could do it all over again, I would never forget that.

So to those of you now:

Please enjoy Tiger Beat, watching "Steel Magnolias," and remember that people love you, for you. And you were indeed born this way, and it's a beautiful thing!

Now, if only I had the other picture of me, wearing a bra with two baseballs in each cup!
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Rick

Rick, age 6

Albany, NY (1974)

This photo was taken circa 1974, and as you can see, I had a "thing" for cleaning. Perhaps it was the pink vacuum cleaner? Perhaps it was the cute striped pants I was sporting? Either way, I seemed quite comfortable tackling the floors in the apartment my parents rented from my grandparents.

I knew I was different very young. But, it wasn't until my sister's Bat Mitzvah (when I fell head over heels in love with the DJ), that I knew I was gay. It was while hearing Steve Winwood's "If You See a Chance" that I knew I liked men.

I think I liked all the cultural things that most gay kids in the 70's did. I had a thing for the Bionic Woman, Wonder Woman, and begged my mom to let me watch "Charlie's Angels." I distinctly remember a Madonna "cassette" while vacationing at Lake George in '83. Madonna was my savior as an awkward teen.

Through grade school till high school without a steady girlfriend, in my senior year of college, I had a date with a girl named Wendy. And it all made sense.
We worked together, and Wendy was hell bent on getting me back to her dorm.

Once in her dorm, she played her VHS of "The Seventh Sign" and started making out with me. And, it happened. I politely excused myself, ran outside of the dorm, found a quiet corner, and hurled. Hurled away all of my thoughts that I could EVER be straight! It was truly, a turning point.

The next day, I sat my mom down and told her I had something important to tell her. I was 22, and I came out. It was a beautiful experience. Her response was,
"I knew, but wanted you to tell me, so you could be truthful to yourself. And I love you." I'm incredibly lucky in that the rest of my family felt the same way.

After a brief period of time as a teen when I never cleaned my room, I've now graduated to vacuuming with a Dyson, which is used frequently.
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Raymond

Raymond, age 7

Madison, KS (1988)

When I first came across this picture looking through the old family album with my mother, the only thing I could say was: "Mother, you can't tell me you didn't know. I mean really: a pink tank top and short shorts?" She looked at me and laughed, and said that she had always known.

Growing up, I always knew I was different.
I wasn't interested in getting girlfriends like my brothers did. I was too busy watching sappy love stories on TV, and playing Barbies with my sister and her best friend.

In junior high, I really started to hide who
I was, because that's when the name-calling started. It wasn't really said to my face, but
I heard people talking behind my back.

I do feel that I had a pretty good childhood.
I had friends and loved my family. I'm 1 of 4 kids, with an older brother and sister, and a younger brother.

At 18, I decided it was finally time to come out of the closet and let the world know exactly who I was. And I was scared out of my mind!

One night, I went to my parents' house around 2:00 in the morning. I went in their bedroom, woke them up, blurted out that I was gay, and out the door I ran!

By the time I got back home, the phone was ringing. I reluctantly answered it, and it was my mother. The first thing she said was she loved me, and that they had always known. And my response was, "Then why didn't you tell me, so I didn't have to tell you?"

My entire family has been great with the whole thing, and never once looked down on me because of who I am. I know they love me and my partner, just as much as they love my other siblings and their significant others.

Raymond's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (on "Saved By The Bell")

Patrick Swayze (in "Dirty Dancing")
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