April 07, 2011


Evan, age 6
Penang, Malaysia (1968)

I was a very shy and introverted kid. Being in an upper class family, I went to the best schools. But for some strange reason, kids in elementary school avoided me, so I did the same towards them.

I guess I first felt same-sex urges when
I was about 5. We had an adult male on staff in our house, and I recall being very attracted to him. One morning, before everyone was awake, I climbed into bed with him.

Nothing happened, but I felt a great sense of warmth and security. I liked it so much, I made it a habit to wake up early, just to snuggle in next to him.

Then one morning my elder sister "caught" me, and had a disgusted look on her face. It was enough to stop me from any further sleep-in's!

I never told anyone about my homosexuality until my late 20's.

Aside from a brief "encounter" with the family chauffeur, I never fooled around with another boy until I was 11. I wasn’t scared at all. In fact, I was very calm about the whole thing, while it lasted.

My intuition told me that my dad knew I was different, even if he didn't say much. He always told me I was his special child, so that might have been his way of acknowledging my difference.

I came out to my mom after dad died, which was a big mistake. She didn't do anything harsh, but she was totally cold. It was a good thing I'd been living on my own by then.

Evan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Kevin Tighe (on TV's "Emergency")
I carried his autographed picture with me everywhere, and I was proud of it.
Emergency Custom Framed 12x12 Color Photo (Kevin Tighe Randolph Mantooth)Utopia Guide to Malaysia (2nd Edition) : the Gay and Lesbian Scene in 17 Cities Including Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Johor Bahru and LangkawiBODY 2 BODY: A Malaysian Queer AnthologyStraight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together

1 comment:

Raja Hanim said...

great story and stay as you are bcs you are born this way, I will love you wahtever comes. Nim.