April 25, 2011


Brittany, age 5
Galesburg, IL (1992)

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be just like my dad. In this picture, as you can see, I'm wearing a tank like him and posing like him. And look at those guns! He has always been my hero, above all others.

I knew on some level I had a crush on my kindergarten teacher, which was around this time in my life.

I also was beating all the boys at sports and things we did on the playground.

I loved playing with dad's old G.I. Joe figures, and shooting my toy bow and arrow in the basement

I wanted to be Robin Hood.

Although, I didn't fully admit that I'm a lesbian until I was 17.

But once I came out, I looked back and realized SO many instances over the years that made me slap my forehead and think: How could I NOT have known?

When I came out to my parents, they were devastated, as they are very religious. My dad said that somehow he wasn't surprised, and had seen this coming.
It killed me to disappoint him. All I had ever wanted was to impress him and be strong, just like him.

My parents are not in my life now, but I can honestly say that though I miss them terribly and wish things were different, I am so glad that I figured out who I really am.

I have felt more freedom and learned more about myself and the world since
I came out, than I ever thought I could. I know that a lot of why I have made it out on my own is how strong my dad raised me to be, and I am proud to be his daughter every day.

Not everyone understands us, or why we are the way we are, but that's okay - they don't have to. We all have to make our own way, and as long as you are happy with your life and the decisions you have made, that is what really matters.


katty said...

my heart goes out to you. So sad your parents couldn't get pass the gay thing and see you as their daughter, the same little girl she had always been. I'm straight and what would kill me is not that my daughter were gay but that I didn't see her any more. I hope they'll eventually get back to you, especially since it is clear you love them dearly

American Toycoon said...

Keep the faith, Brittany. It took my mom, twenty five years to admit that her son is gay. There is still hope for you!

tina FCD said...

As I was reading, I was sooo hoping to read that your dad accepted you! Keep your head up, make you AND your partner happy.

Anonymous said...

you should show your dad this picture. He looks like he would love you no matter what.... Isnt that what being christian is supposed to be about. It's very sad but I do understand that YES you are much happier now that you know who you are.. Yeah!!

M said...

Ah, I'll admit this made me tear up a bit. I was hoping your parents, especially your dad, would accept your coming out. Thanks for being strong though, and still loving your parents while they are coming to terms with the truth. I hope they'll eventually get back to you - best wishes!

crowleyiancanto said...

Have you tried to reconnect with your parents again? Looking at that adorable picture of you and reading your words, I can't believe they wouldn't want to be a part of your life now. Maybe they've learned a little something about life since you last spoke with them.

Unknown said...

Check out gaychristian.net there are many resources on the site to help people reconcile their faith and same gender relationships.
Great audios and essays. Tools for understanding and promoting discussion. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. 2 John 6b

Kellie said...

I am sad to say that I am in the exact same situation you had found yourself in. My parents are very religious and have very little toleration for homosexuality. I have moved back in with them after my girlfriend and I broke up. We keep the peace by pretending it never happened and that my feelings don't exist. I have since reconnected with my girlfriend but have not told my parents. I would most definitely lose my place to live and all support I have been given. It hurts me greatly and makes me feel that their love is conditional.

I am hoping this act lasts until I graduate college in may. I am not sure what to do if I am found out sooner.

Have things gotten better for you? What helps you cope with not having your parent's approval?

r_kenya said...

I particularly like your story because of the beautiful relationship you had with your father. You look like a strong girl so I'm sure that you have been preserved the beautiful things from your childhood. Thanks for passing this happiness. Best wishes from Spain.