Carter

Carter, age 15

Greensboro, N. Carolina (1975)

Talk about ELABORATE clues!

I wonder what my parents were thinking - or refusing to think - as my Barbra Streisand obsession took over my mid-teens, along with a whole bedroom wall. And to think they were actually shocked 3 years later when I came out.

"Streisand 'n me"

I came out in a very bad way, throwing it out to my mother after she'd grounded me for the night, preventing me from going disco dancing. I started screaming 'I'M GAY! I'M A FAG! A HOMO' and ran around the house telling my Dad and my kid sister, who was reduced to tears.

After I emotionally collapsed and went downstairs, my Mom told me to go upstairs and tell my sister I only said that to hurt her. Which I did. Soon after, all my friends were banned from coming over to the house - even the straight ones my mom couldn't be sure of. And we never talked about any of it again.

Well, except for that time a couple years later. A boyfriend I'd run away from home with, showed up at the house looking for me.

And that's a whooooole other story.

Carter's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Race Bannon ("Jonny Quest")
That show featured almost all men and was very homoerotic. I imagined Race & Dr. Quest as boyfriends, and I had all kinds of fantasies going on about them.
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Liliana

Liliana, age 8

Los Angeles, CA 1981

I hated dresses as a child. I remember my mom would force them on me and I just felt she was being cruel by making me wear something I didn't like. I'm an only child, and my mom tried in vain to mold me into the perfect young lady she wanted me to be.

Back then I was really into watching "CHiPs," "Battlestar Galactica", and I remember looking at rap album covers like Run DMC, so I began really digging the track suits. Just a short few years later I would learn to break-dance. Ha ha ha!

I had nothing but boys as friends, and enjoyed all things relating to them, such as Matchbox cars and GI Joe action figures.

And since it was the early 80's - I was fascinated with outer space and Star Wars. In fact, we use to role play - and yes, I always wanted to either be Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.

I never thought of myself as being gay, but other kids called me a tomboy at school, and it was relentless.

My young life was awkward. I remember having these feelings for all sorts of girls and never feeling that way about a boy at all. I guess in my case, I feel I was born this way. And personally, I love it.

But I didn't officially come out of the closet until my early 30's, and guess what - it was no big deal. I guess everyone already just figured out I was gay.

I am now living my life the way I guess I always wanted to, and I have an amazingly beautiful girlfriend to show for it. I love who I am and the experiences I've had, and hopefully will continue to have until a very old age.
   
My advice for gay kids is: Hang in there. It does get much better.
Even for a young Salvadoran-American growing up in a very conservative home.

Liliana's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Drew Barrymore (in "E.T." and "Firestarter")

Lara Jill Miller (on "Gimme A Break!")

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Stephen

Stephen, age 4

Taunton, Massachusetts (1978)

This was shot on a family vacation to Rangeley Lakes, Maine. My parents, sister, grandparents, aunt and I all stayed in a cool, cozy rented cabin on the water.

My sister and I were excited to sleep in the loft.

My parents bought us a Polaroid camera to take on the trip, and my sister and I were pretending we were models.

This is a shot just before going to bed. I'm taking a sip of water, but it really looks like I am having a night-cap.

And truth be told, we weren't playing model anymore.
I really was just sitting like that.

As I got older, this photo would elicit a variety of responses when we would look through family photo albums. My mother would smile and pat me on the head, my father would grimace and groan, and my sister would giggle. I rather liked it, but sensed there was something "wrong" with it.

My mother has since passed away, but the rest of my family is now rather proud of this photo. It is  evidence that I was indeed born with a little sparkle. If my mother were still here, I am 100% sure this would have ended up framed on the fireplace mantle. But I took the photo home before my father could do the same.

As for when I "knew" I think this photo is proof that I always had "it" and flaunted "it."

While I didn't end up being the football playing son my dad had hoped for,
I ended up being the type of son he never knew he wanted. I'm now in Provincetown, and he makes a trip to visit every summer. We get along great, and he even looks forward to going to the drag shows with me.

My first crush was on Bo Duke (John Schneider on the "Dukes of Hazzard"). When I told my friends in Hopewell Elementary School, they all went 'Eeewww!' Whatever. I still loved my "Dukes of Hazzard" lunchbox, and I fantasized that
Bo Duke would pick me up and rescue me in the General Lee.

While that didn't happen, my partner now does resemble John Schneider a bit.
As they say, the first cut is the deepest.

And things do indeed get better. Much, much better.

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Schneider ("Dukes of Hazzard")
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Patti

Patti, age 3

Jacksonville, FL (1961)

This is the final picture in a series of photos with me and my older brother.
The earlier photos show me pitching a fit to be allowed to drive this fire engine - by myself. I wasn’t content to be seated in the back, nor in sharing the ride with my brother. I remember wanting to drive and to not be wearing this dress! Today, I still kinda feel bad for kicking my brother out of the Fire Chief's seat.

"WHERE'S THE FIRE?!"

Being raised in the bible-belt as a Southern Baptist, it was natural for me to attempt to repress feelings that I was different, though I was certainly considered a tomboy.

I grew up in a time when kids could play anywhere they wanted as long as you were close enough to hear your dad's whistle calling you home RIGHT NOW!
I could often be found in some tree fort playing war games with the other neighborhood boys.

To my brother's chagrin, as little tow-headed kids running around shirtless in swim trunks, we were often mistaken for twin brothers. I don’t remember if he was more bothered that people thought we were the same age - or the same gender!

I looked forward to his hand-me-downs and still resist the urge to raid his closet when I visit him now. Though not initially happy that his little sister was gay, he always remained protective of me even if we fought like cats and dogs at home.

To young kids trying to figure things out, find someone you can trust to talk to about how you’re feeling, especially if you’re being bullied. You are not alone and no matter what, it gets better.

Patti's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Karen Carpenter
It’s funny how all of my daydreams about her
involved rescuing her from some catastrophe.

Jon

Jon, age 10

Washington, IA (1975)

I loved to read - I think there was a book just out of the frame - and I tended to also be kind of hyper. I don't know if you can see it in this small pic, but my fingers are digging a hole in the rug. How's that for a combination!

Looking at this pic now, as an adult, he looks like a sweet kid, who probably needs to take a bath and brush his hair - LOL! And who was also outgrowing his clothes. Honestly, I don't know when I felt different. At this age, I thought some OTHER people were kinda different, though.

I wasn't really aware of pop culture at the time, as we didn’t have a TV. However, I listened to our soundtracks to "The Music Man" and "The Sound of Music" over and over and over, until I had them completely memorized. 

To the kids today I'd like to say:
Isn't it great to be able to bathe and brush your hair and wear clothes that fit?!  Don't take it for granted!

Jon's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ike Eisenmann ("Escape To Witch Mountain")

With his pretty brown eyes and elfin features, I just knew he’d be the nicest boy.

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Heath

Heath, age 12

Conroe, Texas (1988)

I came across this picture a few years back while going through some old photos, and could not stop laughing. Being 12-years old and growing up in a small conservative town in the early 80's definitely forces you to keep certain things to yourself. Yet, clearly a hunky, shirtless lifeguard towering over me brought a rather large smile to my face. I believe this photo was taken on a family trip and that is my younger cousin, Erin, oblivious to the very hot guy in front of her.

"The moment you realize something is different - priceless!"

Growing up and realizing I was different than all the other kids was challenging.

Around the 6th grade I began to act "gay" without realizing I was just being myself.

And that's when the name calling and bullying started.

I can still remember the first time someone called me a derogatory slur. It was at the local roller rink, and I was wearing an oversized shirt of patch work prints.

It flowed nicely in the breeze as I roller skated.

A guy named BJ (I know, right? LOL!) came up to me and called me a 'Fairy'.
I had no idea what fairy meant, so I just said 'Thanks' and fluttered off on my roller skates, oblivious to his real intentions.

It wasn't until a few years later that I realized it was probably the first time someone made fun of me for being gay.

In the 7th grade, two boys started to call me f*ggot. By then, I'd figured out that by just being myself, I was clearly giving myself away, so I just put my head down and pretended not to hear them. Gosh, kids can be so cruel at that age.    

Fortunately for me, I did my best to ignore the daily verbal abuses, concentrated on my music, and had a mother who always made me feel loved no matter what.

In the 9th grade, my mother was suddenly taken from our family in a car accident, that shattered my world. Being 14 and a momma's boy, we'd just started to develop a friendship beyond just mother and son.

I never got to tell my mother who I truly was inside, but many years later I asked a close family friend if she thought my mother knew I was gay. She said she always knew - but loved me no matter what, because I was her son.

Mothers are just amazing like that. :)

I am so impressed with the gay youth of today. They are bold, passionate, and self-assured. Things have come such a long way for all of us, and I am happy to be part of the journey.

Oh, and if you thought Erin might be a lesbian, you'd be correct! ________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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