Joshua

Joshua, age 7

San Diego, California (1991)

This picture says a mouthful of words to me. I remember growing up, I always felt different. At first I thought it was just because I was an entertainer. I was the kid always hosting the family parties and putting on a show.

When I got older I realized that I didn't really have many male friends, and I always wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger - LOL!

I didn't have a gender-identity issue, I just knew I was a bit more "girly".

Then I saw George Michael's "Faith" video on VH1 before school one day, and it all made sense. That cowboy boot upon the jukebox drove me insane!

George made me all tingly inside, and those swaying hips made me swoon. Oh, how I just wanted to run my young fingertips through that greasy hair!

It all makes sense that I was born this way. And helped form the me of today:
International Drag Superstar, Rhea Litre'

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Michael

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Karin

Karin, age 4

Sacramento, California (1964)

My mom made me this Mary Poppins costume, and I loved it so much, I slept in it. Mary Poppins flirted with Bert, but I was always sure it wasn’t serious. Mary happily lived alone, refused to take directions from men, and as far as I'm concerned, she is more than my first crush - she's my blueprint for life.

I wanted to be the way she was in the world, plus I wanted to be practically perfect in every way.

I thought Julie Andrews was quite wonderful, but Mary was the one I loved.

From early on, I knew I didn't want men ruling my life. But it wasn't until I was a teenager I realized it wasn’t about men at all - it was about women.

Women are awesome.

I've always liked love stories, and once wrote a story about a young girl who saves a troubled Queen from a terrible marriage. They run away together and live happily ever after. If my 5th-grade teacher thought that was strange, she didn't say so. Maybe because on the outside I looked so normal.

I liked Barbies and Mary Poppins and pretty clothes. I was as normal as normal could be, except for the not ever dating boys part. And while I was publicly very crushed out on Bobby Sherman's dreamy eyes, my heart, body and soul belonged to Batgirl. As Julie Gordon, she was a librarian; and as Batgirl she rode a purple motorcycle and fought in those great boots. Unlike Bobby Sherman, she gave me serious tingles.

This photo reminds me of that conviction that I could make the world the way I liked it. Just like Mary Poppins did, even if I couldn't sing or slide up a banister. And in that world I would be the kind of normal I was born to be.

Turns out my normal is being a lesbian, a girly-girl who likes girls, a mom,
a romantic, and a writer. But it doesn’t include being practically perfect in every way. Alas...

Karin's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Julie Andrews ("Mary Poppins")

Yvonne Craig (Batgirl on "Batman")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jeff

Jeff, age 10

Wichita, Kansas (1971)

I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to other guys. Lucky for me, my little sister had a Barbie Dream House and a stack of Tiger Beat magazines.

"I loved Abba!"

In grade school, I hated sports. The other boys used to make fun of me for preferring art class instead of football.

I finally joined the track team, to please my mom and convince my friends that I was somewhat masculine.

HATED IT...

Being gay was completely unacceptable in my family in the 1970's.

So I spent my youth hiding my true feelings, and trying to please everyone but myself.


In my late teens, I was wracked with the desire to be with another young man, but had no idea how to go about it without blowing my cover.

Luckily, I had met a gay man when I was 17. He spent the next three years trying to convince me that I was gay, despite my complete and utter denial.

I accepted his invitation to visit California that summer, and landed right in the middle of the gayest place in the USA! I came out at the 1983 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. I will never forget "What A Feeling" by Irene Cara, blaring loudly from a parade-float full of shirtless men in the middle of Market Street!

Jeff's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Donny Osmond

His black hair and pearly white teeth filled me with such desire.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Marco

Marco, age 5

Chianciano Terme, Italy (1961)

This photo was taken during summer, at a café table in a spa town in Italy.
My mom, dad, and my brother and I all sat in these very modern, 1960's chrome chairs. However, I was the only one who crossed my legs - and, I must admit, in a very flirtatious way! When I was a child, I loved all the female singers that were popular in my country, but with the secret desire to be like them!

I am certain that nobody "becomes homosexual," and many of our childhood behaviors, events, and choices are revealing.

Except to our parents, who almost always do not capture the true meaning of it all.

Rather, they document it precisely with the opposite intention: to normalize what would otherwise be seen as embarrassing.

Many of us understood very well what was going on, even if we didn't have the tools to express it.

As children, we almost never censor ourselves, putting forth those features which, when older, we would be ashamed of. I knew it all from very early on, and even if I thought it was wrong, I couldn't be any other way. So I spent a lot of thoughts and energy that could have been better spent otherwise. If only my feelings didn't have obstacles back then.

Seeing this picture now, I think: Wasn't it so obvious that I was gay from the beginning?! My mother knew and would ask me occasionally during my 20's, but I didn't actually admit it and come out to her until age 45. To my surprise, she was very happy and said, "Didn't you think you could have told me before?"
So I'm happy I got to tell her, before she died.

So, my message to all young gay people now is:
Tell it without fear - because your photos will tell it anyway...

As for my first, famous-person same sex crush?
Wow, I don't remember, it was 50 years ago!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Dennis

Dennis, age 8

San Diego, CA (1973)

In the pic on the right, that's me as a freshman at NYU in 1983. When I rediscovered this pic some time ago, I laughed for days. It would still be 20 years after that when I'd really come out of the closet. Before that happened, I served on a Mormon mission to Brazil, got married in the Mormon temple, had 4 kids, and continued pretending I was straight.

I don't remember the context of that dorm room picture, but it definitely seems Freudian or symbolic somehow. Why did I pretend I was coming out of a closet? Of course, I knew I was gay at the time. All my classmates were coming out, yet my smile belies the terror that I actually felt inside. My family and religious community would never accept me unconditionally as a gay man, and I knew it.

But how did I think I was fooling anyone? I was enamored with Timothy Hutton, the band Loverboy (mostly because of that album cover showing the butt in red leather pants), and I loved all things theater, especially musical theater. New York City welcomed me in its loving, understanding embrace, yet fear still made me to reject a very fundamental part of myself for years to come.

Even coming out 20 years later, I was right about the non-acceptance of my family and church community. But true peace really only comes by living on the outside in a manner consistent with how you feel on the inside. It feels incredible to finally have that. And my advice is do it sooner, rather than later.

Dennis' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Timothy Hutton (in "Ordinary People")

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Tae

Tae, age 5

New York, NY (1988)

I don't remember taking this photo, nor do I remember the story behind it. Was the fan just lying around the room? Who's idea was it to include it in the photo? Did my pose come naturally to me, or was I coerced by some older cousin who thought it'd be funny? Most of that day's details remain fuzzy, but what I can confirm, is that this was taken while on vacation in Seoul, South Korea.

It's interesting how the brain works, but I have a lot more morose childhood memories than happy ones. I had terrible anxiety and really low self esteem back then, with a constant underlying sense of unhappiness at all times.

Stumbling on this photo a few years ago took me aback, because I actually seem really happy in it. Sure, I have other childhood photos of me smiling, but they're few and far between.

I naturally smile with a slight smirk, so this ear-to-ear grin going on makes me take note.

Growing up, I don’t think I fully understood that I was different. At least not until I graduated from high school. I was always a natural recluse, and feeling incompatible with the people around me was something I grew accustomed to.

But I have grown tremendously since then, and now I am so much more comfortable and happy in my own skin. Coming out to my friends (and more recently to my family) has helped a lot, because I finally feel like I can move on to the next chapter of my life. Chapters which I document on my own blog.

Not everyone is going to accept who I am, but I now know that has nothing to do with me, and has more to do with that person's issues. If a person can't understand the fundamental idea that people are born different, then there's not much else I can do for them, until they come to that realization.

As a kid, it was easy to feel helpless and like I had no way to escape. But I'm happy to say that as an adult, that's where I take all my accumulated learning lessons and use them as tools for life. Wisdom really does come with age, and that's enough for me to have something to look forward to every morning.