Mark

Mark, age 8

Houston, TX (1967)

I grew up with a conservative, though not religious, Texas family. When I was 7, my mother caught me with a neighbor boy in my pup tent in our backyard one afternoon. We were unclothed and in full glory.  Awkward!

Afterward, my mother asked me about it. I don’t recall my answer, but clearly understood that she was quite concerned.

My mother never told my dad about that incident.

As far as I was concerned, what I was doing was totally natural. But I realized that I had to hide my activities.

I experimented with a string of neighbor boys until I was 14.
At that point, I realized I might get caught by the wrong person.

I had no idea I was gay yet. In my environment there was simply no word for it.

I wasn't effeminate, but was always small for my age. Perhaps the only reason I was never beaten up was because I loved masculine energy.


I played Army, built forts, often played in the mud, went skinny-dipping with friends, was an avid Cub and Boy Scout, and even a US Marine.

On the outside I was the quintessential boy, and enjoyed regular boy activities. Yet inside, something was always missing. What was missing, was coming out and acknowledging I was gay.

When my blond, attractive girlfriend failed to "make the gay go away" when I was 23, I dropped the pretense (and her), and went to a gay bar. I discovered it quite by accident, and it was located only a few blocks from where I lived at the time. I was out with a vengeance and rapidly made up for lost time.

After a couple of failed attempts at relationship building, I found my man.
We've been together since 1988, and got married in California 20 years later.

I opened up to my creative self and I'm a published novelist now, too.
And I love our gay life together here in Chicago.

Mark's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lance Kerwin (in "James At 15")
We're the same age, and I devoured everything I could find with him in it.
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Nino

Nino, age 6

Manila, Philippines (1992)

When I was a kid, my mom always loved to dress me up as a girl.
Maybe because I had no sisters then. Or maybe she saw it coming?

As you can see from the photos, I was never in an awkward moment. I look really happy and comfortable wearing those girly outfits. And my mom even snapped the photos. I guess she knew that I was different, and I'd appreciate these things someday. She was right, and it's a real treat seeing them as an adult.

I felt I was different from the other boys at school, but I didn't 'out' myself until
I was in college. I felt more comfortable with my sexuality, became happier, and knew that things are going to be better.

Moms always know best, so talk to your mom and your family. Ask them for their support. They'll be surprised at first, but they'll accept you for who you are.

Embrace the real you.
You'll find true happiness when you do.

Chad

Chad, age 4

Kingston, TN (1981)

I knew I was different from a very young age. I had attractions to other boys, but thought something was wrong with me. Or the devil was making me think those thoughts. Being raised in a strong Southern Baptist family, I felt I was in constant sin, and kept the secret to myself. I prayed often to just take these thoughts away, because I knew I would disappoint my family if they knew I had them.

So, I pushed this part of me deep inside and tried my best to not let it out.

I had girlfriends through middle and high school, college, and into my adult life. They were great best friends, who I loved dearly.

But, I always felt I was lying to them. I never felt that connection everyone said you'd feel, when you met the right person for your life.


I was bullied and teased for my mannerisms and appearance throughout school. I took every opportunity to try and get out of my home, school and life. Some choices I made were good, like taking youth group, church, and band trips etc.

Other choices were not so good, like skipping school almost every day in junior high, resulting in me failing a grade level.

It was very difficult to come out, and I still have underlying issues with my family. I feel in time, we will come to a common ground. But, I am out to my family, friends, and at work.

I married the love of my life on August 5, 2009. My husband (who is Korean) and I live in Seoul, Korea where I'm a teacher for Department Of Defense schools on the military base here.

As a gay man working in a federal position, I still face issues with regulations, laws, and politics. But I am proud of who I have become, and grateful for the journey that has led me here.

I often think about how this boy from East Tennessee ended up in Korea, with such a wonder life and partner to share it with.

Chad's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar ("Saved By The Bell")

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Matt

Matt, age 7

Murfreesboro, TN (1994)

Although I was never really interested in girls, it wasn't until middle school that I realized I was gay. When I was in 6th grade, I saw Blink 182's music video for "What's My Age Again?" And in the video, the band runs all around town, naked.

It was at this point that I became intrigued by guys' bodies, and started to put the pieces together that I was gay.

I searched the internet long and hard, trying to find un-blurred pictures from that video. Alas, I was unsuccessful.

But I knew at the time, that I should be careful about what I was searching for. Because I didn't know how to clear internet search history at that point.

I admitted my homosexuality to myself early on, but I didn't completely come out until college.

Now I live out and openly, and couldn't be more happy with being honest about my sexuality.

As I look back at the picture of me with my hands on my cocked hip, my only wish is that I had come out sooner. The fears that I had at the time proved to be, for the most part, completely false.

For those struggling to come to terms with their sexuality I offer this:
Only you know when it is time to come out. But know that when you do,
you will be infinitely happier than when you were in the closet.
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Mike

Mike, age 6

Houston, Texas (1975)

I was born a biological female in 1969, but knew as young as age 4 that I was 'different.' I didn't have the vocabulary for it, but I just always knew I was a boy. I think the picture says a lot about how happy I was, when I got to be ME.

Back then, I was very sad.
I used to lay in bed at night, wishing I'd wake up and be a boy on the outside, too.

I wanted to grow up big and strong and have a wife and kids, but I didn't think that would ever happen.

I was lucky enough to have parents that allowed me some freedom to choose, when it came to my hair and my clothes.

I was very into superheroes, like Superman and Batman.


I think I really connected with feeling powerful, and being able to accomplish great feats. Perhaps because deep down, I knew someday I would embark on a journey that would test me to the core.

When I look at this picture now, it makes me smile. Even when I didn't realize it, I think I had great courage. I was bullied from about 7th to 11th grade - to the point of wanting to end it all. And I am so thankful I didn't!!

I transitioned to male in 1998, with the support of most of my friends and family, and I've had a FANTASTIC life. I have a beautiful wife and kids now, and I am living the life I dreamed about as a small child, but feared I would never have.

I would say to all the young people out there:
It really DOES get better.

You can choose how to live your life, and there are SO many people out there ready to help you!

Mike's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Farrah Fawcett

I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Heather

Heather, age 1

Guam, USA (1986)

I never fit in with girls or boys growing up. I would be the girl in a pretty dress playing with bugs, or the girl playing house and convincing my friends that we could be wives. It was all innocent, but it felt right.

I first learned that openly admiring girls was "wrong" when I was 4, and saw an episode of "Beverly Hills 90210." It was a beach scene, with girls in bikinis.

Several times, I mentioned how pretty the girls were, and my aunt told my mom I was going to be gay. Oh, me and my mouth.

I'll never forget the looks I got at 11, when I swore if I were a boy, Rose from "The Titanic" would by my "honey." Oops.

My taste in ladies has since evolved to include the likes of Eva Mendes and Mila Kunis. My old flavor for rich ginger, bad 90's hair is best left to your imagination.

My awkward teen years saw me pretending to have boy crushes, and faking my love for N’SYNC. I mean, I admit that I liked Prince William, but I was all for becoming a princess. Thank goodness Kate Middleton beat me to the punch - but darn him for beating me to her!

As for the baby in this photo, she's now a successful, heel-wearing 25-year old "lipstick" lesbian. My parents, who disowned me when I came out 3 years ago, have missed out on a lot. But I wouldn't go back into the closet for ANYTHING. After all, how would all my shoes and purses fit, with me in there too?

Even if your story ends up like mine, I hope you have the courage and strength to carry on. You will find amazing things are waiting for you, if you hold on. Even if it's hard at first, it really does get better.

No one can help who they are. But we can help how we treat others.
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