Glauber

Glauber, age 4
Rio Grande do Norte, Brazil (1994)

Here I am on the phone, pretending to gossip with friends about news and current events. I always had a different way of behaving, and always liked to be near my mother and her friends. And I loved listening to them talk and gossip.

"I love hearing the news!"

By around age 13, I was sure I was "different". Besides the awe I had for my schoolmates, I loved watching "Teletubbies" - and I wanted to be Tinky Winky.

Today, I look at this picture and have a wonderful sense of self pride, because now as an adult, I have the same unique way of showing my personality.

I wish for all young people to understand that being gay is a positive thing about our lives, because it's a way to demonstrate the love of a neighbor.

Long live diversity!


Glauber's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elton John

And I've always loved his music, too
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Uli

Uli, age 4

London, UK (1983)

I think my Grandmother took this photo, as it’s her high-heels I'm wearing - although I have no real memory of it being taken, or who the girl in the cart is. It's interesting that I’m outside in a public park, parading around in heels so unselfconsciously. I do have memories of scampering around in the bottom of her wardrobe closet. I would find some high-heels and totter around her bedroom, and she'd let me do it. And I remember it was the best fun ever.

My mother showed me this photo when I was 8, and I recall feeling ashamed of it, and thinking how terrible it would be if anyone from school saw it. I wanted the picture buried and kept secret, even if I didn’t understand exactly what it all meant then. So it feels really good to share it here now.

I also played with Barbie dolls at this time, and I loved them. My Mum would take me to a big department store and allow me to pick one that I liked for a special treat. I think it's great that she did that. That kind of story is echoed in a really sweet children's book called "William's Doll" by Charlotte Zolotow.

Playing with these dolls was wonderful, and my first crush was a Ken doll, with his intriguing anatomical protrusion. But it was also a source of unease for me, because I felt on some level, that playing with dolls was wrong.

Also in the pic, check out the length of my hair. I had bright, almost white blond hair as a boy, and with aging hippie parents, they generally kept it long.
I remember women would comment to my Mother that I looked like a girl.

Eventually mum grew concerned with what other people were saying, and took me to the hairdresser to get all my golden locks cut off. Afterward, I remember sitting in front of the mirror at home and crying my heart out - and how she felt terrible. Then, in an effort to butch me up, she made me go to Karate lessons once a week, which I mostly hated. Except that it gave me the chance to hang out with all the class girls during breaks. Where there's a will, there's a way...

In hindsight, I think mum was just trying to prepare me for the real world, to ensure that I had the physical strength to bolster my emotional sensitivity.
And I know that impulse came from her love.

I now work as assistant manager at Gay's The Word – the UK's independent and comprehensive LGBT bookshop. Despite my job, I still think I’m somewhat of a hung-up homo. I've never dragged-up for example, and tend to act in a pretty masculine fashion. And honestly, I can be quite self-conscious about this.

So finding this photo again as a 31 year old has been really good for me.

I'm really proud of that little boy that I used to be, walking around the park in high-heels. And I think I’m going to take a page out of his book from now on, relax, and just be myself.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Kevin

Kevin, age 5

Lancaster, PA (1988)

It was a cool fall day at the Lancaster train station, I'd done ALL of my chores for 1 month, and it was time for my reward - a trip on a TRAIN to Harrisburg with my mom and my grandmothers. I had my little hat on, knee-high socks under my pants, and saddle shoes. I. Was. Ready! I remember being so excited being all dressed up for such a special treat for me. What little boy doesn't love a cute hat and saddle shoes?

I knew I was gay in elementary school, but didn't come to terms with it until college. Looking back,
I wish I would have strapped on saddle shoes and strutted down the halls of my alma mater with more pride than I did.

Being out and proud now (at age 27) is the best thing that could have happened to me.

I am now a teacher and able to be a role model for my closeted (and not-so-closeted) students in Boston.

And - to this day - I am still in search of the *perfect* saddle shoe!

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

I loved his bowl-cut hair
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Shannon

Shannon, age 4

New York, New York (1970)

I grew up as an only child, and despite the cheerful smile, I hated sitting for portraits. Why? Because I was forced to wear a dress. My mother secretly wanted a little boy, so she indulged my preference for short hair, hatred of dolls, and passion for anything from the boys' department. Except, of course, when I had my picture taken. At that point, she would make sure I "straightened up" for the event - dressing me in ribbons and feminizing me as best she could. But she already knew that, for me, a frilly dress symbolized hell on earth!

"Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber: The Prequel"

When I was 3 or 4 and started watching TV shows, I became acutely aware of feeling attracted to women. I even had a type! Bossy brunettes.

Suzanne Pleshette was a big crush. I also liked Aneta Corsaut and Marlo Thomas.

And I'd go mad for Elizabeth Montgomery when she played Serena on "Bewitched."

Years later, when "Charlie's Angels" first aired, Farrah and Jaclyn didn’t do it for me - I flipped for Kate Jackson.

Now I’m wondering if this initial typecasting was simply Oedipal fear of my blond, blue-eyed mother.

Later in childhood - particularly my teens - I began to like boys (a little) and reluctantly embraced conventional ideas about femininity. I understood that assuming the role of a typical heterosexual girl offered advantages. People accepted me and liked me if I didn't look different.

Obviously, however, when you aren’t being authentic, the chronic loneliness that comes from knowing how different you are becomes unbearable. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is so critically important; it is just about the most important thing in life. I learned that lesson, eventually.

Not surprisingly, as I tried to adapt to society's concept of femaleness, I also suppressed being gay. I even had a boyfriend in high school, losing my future Gold Star Lesbian status. Although I acknowledged to myself that I wasn't heterosexual, I made a heroic effort to be bisexual. In college, I acted out the reverse cliché: I experimented with men. Ultimately, those years were a regrettable waste of time.

For gay kids out there who are growing up today, feeling different, I would only urge you to be true to yourself, no matter what. I know how difficult it is and you'll be faced with scary, lonely, conflicted emotions. But I promise you that you're not alone. If you find the courage to be open and honest, you'll discover that nothing else compares. It genuinely makes life tolerable.

Only through your truest self can love, pride, confidence, self-respect and self-esteem - all the things you’re hoping for - begin to emerge. These things do surface when you are honest with yourself. Live a real, open, sincere life. Always.

Don’t let the fear-based bigotry and ignorance of this world take away your personal integrity, your self-love, and your love of life.

Don’t waste precious time. Live every moment for yourself, loving yourself.
And everyone who matters will love you in return!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Hiram

Hiram, age 4

Bethany, Connecticut (1972)

I was born the 8th of 9 children and grew up on a farm in Connecticut. In this photo, I'm dressed like a hippie with my younger sister Mary. My family was very Republican, thus the elephant doll. Notice I'm holding the doll, not Mary.

I always knew I was different, and though there wasn't anything I was more proud of, I was also very insecure about being loved by all people.

Whether it was people I wanted as friends or not, I was just sure that everyone needed to love me.

I had an absolutely wonderful childhood due to two loving parents.

Speaking of my family, my mom's brother is also gay. But accepting that I was gay was very traumatic for me, and lead me to look for life's "pain killers."

I had my first "experience" in Boy Scouts with "Jack" when I was 13. I was also infatuated with "Jeff" my high school friend. I guess I was 14 when I first accepted myself, or cried for the first time when I quasi-accepted I might be gay. But I didn't truly come out to myself until I was 26 years old.

Today, I'm a 42 year old man who has been in a loving, monogamous relationship with my man. Actually, this week on January 28, 2011 - we celebrate 15 years together!

I wish I could have been more secure with myself earlier on, as that could have lead me down different roads. But things happen for reason. My man happened for a reason. I love him dearly, and he reminds me it's funny how life flows.

As far as my family is concerned, I am fully loved and my partner is accepted as one of the family.

Hiram's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Michael Landon (on "Little House On The Prairie")

Dan Haggerty ("Grizzly Adams")

I actually brushed my hand against Grizzly when I saw him at a fair when I was about 10. And yes, of course I still think about it!! ;)
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Michael

Michael, age 11

Syracuse, NY (1986)

I remember this moment vividly, because it was our 5th grade school photos at our Catholic elementary school. The photographer was a gorgeous man in his 20's, and I was in love for the first time. I was feeling quite fierce that morning, and decided to wear my outfit from last Easter, since it was a big hit.  Overall it was a good day, and the picture speaks for itself.

"5th grade school photo and feeling fierce!"

I did have a pretty terrible childhood with an alcoholic father who left us (twice), and dealt with the taunting of the mean kids. I knew I was gay when I was 5, but didn't have the word to describe what I was feeling.

I really struggled to make sense of it, and kept the secret which was slowly making me insane. I can recall feeling so alone and wondering why I was so different from other kids. 

What really helped me through it all was my best friend Paris, and a song called "Hold On" by Wilson-Phillips.

I would listen to that song EVERY DAY and hope that I would eventually be OK.


All in all, my experiences made me a very strong and fabulous person. I am very happy with who I am and what I offer the world. My core belief is that I am a person of integrity. No one can take that away from me, ever. When I look at this picture now, I feel awesome! I am GAY and I think that is a special gift.

My message to the LGBT youth struggling now, is the same that helped me:

HOLD ON - and know that you are loved, and it gets better.
Reach out and get the support from all of us in the community.

And remember - what you resist, persists.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")

Patrick Duffy (in "Dallas")

Scott Baio (in "Joanie Loves Chachi")