Igor

Igor, age 2
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (1989)

I have only but flashes of my childhood. In our new neighborhood, there were only a few people living nearby. There were no other kids around, and being the chubby kid in school didn't exactly make me the most popular student.

I was being called names since forever, and my only friends were my teachers and the school staff.

I always felt different, and I could tell since the age of 5 that I had a "thing" for boys.

All my friends were girls, and I'd spend most of my time wondering how it would be when I became one. Because I was sure that being a boy wasn't for me.

My father was utterly against my demonstrations of femininity, and he did everything he could to change my ways: soccer, skating, and trying to buy me a motorcycle when I got older.

I remember this one special Christmas when I was around 7-years old, and my uncle gave me a complete set of GI Joe figures, and I couldn't care less about it! All my devotion went to my cousin's new Barbie doll, and I was so jealous of her!
Why couldn't I get the cute gifts?

This picture might seem like nothing special, but it shows how carefree I could be back when I was a baby. The fabulous shoes I had, catwalking in diapers.

When I came out at age 18, I asked my father how could he not be impressed with his gay son, who could sing all the lyrics to "I Will Survive"? Eventually,
my parents came around, and now they're with me every step of the way!

That same energy kept me going until I decided to come out of the closet.
And if there's a "gay energy" that marks us as being happy, no matter what,
then I'm sure I've had it since birth.

To those who, like my boyfriend, still haven't come out, or are struggling hard while doing it, hang on! Be free to do what you like with whoever you like!

That feeling of no shame or guilt or the need to hide, is the best reward you can get in life. It gets better!

Igor's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Stamos (on "Full House")
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Malu

Malu, age 10
São Paulo, Brazil (1999)

This is me and a cousin. I remember feeling so smooth in this hat! Hahahaha

I was always more interested in 'boys' stuff. I remember playing "house" in kindergarten, and I was always  the father and my friend played the mother.

I always liked male characters and identified with them.

Most importantly, I felt attracted to the female characters in cartoons and movies, etc. The oldest memory I have of this is of Saory, from the "Saint Seya" anime.
I think she was my first crush =)

Growing up, I never talked about it with anyone, and it deeply saddened me.

If I could give any advice for those who are still in the closet, it is to open up and talk with someone. It will make you feel loads better!

My parents only discovered about me when I was already in college.
Thinking back, I figure they always knew deep within.

All is well now. I have a girlfriend that I can have at home, and I can visit her home. Surely people are getting more open minded!
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Jay

Jay, age 6
Sterling, Virginia (1984)

Childhood was a great time and a rough time for me. My parents allowed me to be who I was. But the world wasn't always so great with the concept.

I don't think of my story as all that special, but it floors most people who hear it for the first time.

If Disney made a movie about me, it may be closest to "Pinocchio" - but without the weird kids-taking-that-donkey-acid-trip scene.

Simply put (and here's the big reveal), I dreamed every night of waking up as a real boy. 

But I was not born a wooden puppet.

I was born a little girl.


I was a very loved child, but I was also wildly misunderstood by many, myself included. It took about 23 years for me to figure it all out.

I had unbelievable support from my family and the friends I kept close. And especially from my spouse, sister, mom and dad. But I kept a lot of people at a distance along the way. I still struggle with finding the right way to tell people.

Being who I am means being a Dad, a husband, a brother and a son. But it's tough to figure out why or how to divulge this layer of my past without it consuming perceptions and shifting realities.

But the truth is, kids out there are going through the same things I went through. And they - or their friends and family - are reading this blog.

So for those young ones going through the things I went through, know this:

Your night-time wish can be your future, too. And your mom and dad may one day call you their son with the same pride they had back then. Maybe even more now, since you've given them grandkids.

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Dhanny

Dhanny, age 3

Caracas, Venezuela (1980)

When I was a child, I was like "the toy" in the house, because I'm the youngest of 4 children. I was a bit spoiled, and my one sister even walked the whole city, just to buy me an E.T. doll with lights on the finger and heart.

My childhood was as nice as possible, but I knew I was "different" as early as kindergarten. My teacher called my mom to tell her that I always held hands with another boy, and said it was "abnormal behavior." So the teacher put us in different classrooms. And I think this was the first time that I was "punished" because of my "natural selection" - haha!

I loved playing baseball, swimming, and riding my bike like most kids. But there was always something inside me that made me more soft. I excelled in art, drawing and acting. But when it came to baseball or football, I was the worst!

In high school, I even had a girlfriend! But with pressure about having sex, we had no choice but to break up and just be friends. She was actually a lesbian, and 10 years later we kissed, just to piss off our old friends.

I chose this picture, because it shows me trying to steal some grapes. And my family thought, "How cute! Click the camera!" But when it came to my sexuality, that was a subject not talked about in my house.

But now, I think they feel so natural in my life. My nephew and niece come to my home, and they love my partner. I have been blessed with my family, and I don't feel shame about anything.

I worry about today's kids, who still suffer hardship because of their sexuality.
But we are not aliens. And there is nothing wrong with us, or you.

As long as you respect yourself, you can be respected back. There is a bright future ahead, and it gets better every day. But the most important person we need to love, is ourselves.

Dhanny's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris on "Saved By The Bell")

I watched just to see 'the cute blond guy,' desperate to be his Kelly! 

John

John, age 12

Nanuet, NY (1976)

I was, by nature, a smiley, giggly, and cheerful kid. And uncoordinated, though I loved to swim, bodysurf, skateboard, and gymnastics. Only 20 years later did I realize I had "killer abs" under the baggy t-shirt 'n jeans I wore from grades 6 through 10. Before that, I refused to wear jeans. Slacks from Sears only, please!

I was a total nerd in the math league, academic league, and national honor society. And, I was on track to be the first of my immediate family to attend college. However, homophobia nearly derailed all of it.

Around this age I gave up being me, because whatever that was, it was perceived as HORRIBLE. So I learned to butch it up. With sports not an option, partying was the next best thing. And by the end of high school, this nerd-boy was close to not graduating. And I flamed out in my freshmen semester of college.

I soon accepted that having sex with guys wasn't a stop-gap measure until I got married. Which I planned to do, to a nice girl whom I would never pressure sexually. My mantra in grade 12 was "In college you can be yourself."

Except I couldn't. The names were different, but the jocks and knuckleheads from high school were now my neighbors in the dorm. And, I unraveled.

But I pulled it together and transferred to a school farther away from home, beginning to tip toe out of the closet. By the time I graduated, I was sort of out. Within 6 months, the family all knew. And while it took a lot of years, eventually everyone got there in terms of celebration. Screw tolerance or acceptance, thanks.

What I've got now that's really important, is I got ME back. With dignity, and with integrity. Everything's possible once you get 'em, and it's impossible to live without them once you've had 'em.

To my younger gay brothers and sisters, my only advice is:
Education, education, education! College or a trade/vocational school will lead to your financial independence. I killed myself in college working 3 jobs, because I believed my parents would disown me if they found out I was gay. But that work ethic has served me well throughout my life.

Today, I'm still a nerd working at a university, and I have a hot husband and a nice home. And I'm out everywhere to everyone.

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Tom Selleck

Or any photo of a man with a beard, moustache, or stubble...
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Ed

Ed, age 8

Scranton, PA (1963)

When my mother died recently, I found this photo of me. Simply ravishing, if
I do say so myself. I love how this picture reminds me of being free as a child.

I was an only child and learned early to entertain myself. While I was smart enough to read by age 3, I was also socially naive.

At this age, no one seemed to mind how I acted. Even my parents weren't concerned. In fact, my mother dressed me as Heidi for Halloween in 3rd grade!

Since I was very excited about cars too, I think they were calmer than if I had only played with dolls.

It was several more years before all the bullying and teasing began in junior high, and it was then that I figured out I was different than most of the other kids.

Thankfully, that's long behind me.

And now I have a wonderful partner and circle of friends.  It does get better!

Dexter

Dexter, age 6

Manila, Philippines (1984)

I knew I was "different" when I was 4-years old, and of course, I did not have the words to describe that part of me. And it was difficult for me to define myself because I - like most Filipinos - come from a conservative Catholic family.

I grew up listening to "The Wiz" and "Annie" soundtracks. And to Madonna, who I vogued to in private. TV, movies, and books were my only companions, as I did not have any friends.

I had a feeling then that Bert & Ernie from "Sesame Street" were more than roommates, and that the "Hardy Boys" were definitely having adventures together outdoors and indoors.

In my dreams, "Robocop" was my "roommate," and we weren't solving mysteries.

Looking at my childhood now that I am an adult, I was a very sad boy.

I handled the bullying by taking my mind away from reality. I spent my non-school days locked in the house, and not wanting to interact with anyone.

But everything is different now: I am living with my partner, I am extremely happy, and I do not have to escape to feel that happiness.

Now, the two of us listen to my Madonna and Abba (his favorite) records together, and we spend the weekends having South Australian adventures.

And yes: we have our adventures both outdoors and indoors.
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Gabi

Gabi, age 7
Lido di Jesolo, Italy (1973)

I'm on a vacation here, riding a kid's motorbike on a little racetrack at a fun fair. Every night I begged my mom for money to go another round. I grew up in a small town in the center of Germany. I always liked skating, biking, or building igloos in winter, more than playing with dolls, dressing up, or playing hopscotch.

The first crush I had was on a woman, and early on I was fascinated by lesbian love. I had gay and lesbian friends, yet I was always dating men. In my mid-20s I had my first one-night stand with a woman.

Although this was a fascinating experience for me, I only really quit trying to be straight in my mid-40s. My coming-out to my friends, colleagues, and family members was in 2009, after I had fallen in love with a woman. We had met during my visit of a mutual friend in the USA and fell in love almost instantly.

We continued our 17-hour-one-way long-distance relationship for almost a year, seeing each other only every couple of months. I split up with my then-boyfriend a few weeks after I returned home. I came out in a long e-mail, to about 70 people, including my boss. The response was overwhelmingly positive.

We got married in April 2010. She moved across the Atlantic last September, and we now live in the Netherlands, where gay people have identical rights as straight people. Even though we married in Iowa, I couldn't apply for family-based immigration, because Federal US immigration law doesn't acknowledge us as a family (Defense of Marriage Act). Therefore, she gave up her home and moved her cats and herself here. She is now learning Dutch and trying to find a job.

What I would like to tell every kid, whether they feel they are gay or not, is that it's important to find out who you are and what you want. You only have one life.

Be who you are. Everything else will eventually follow.

Guy

Guy, age 8

Seattle, Washington (1970)

Here I am, ready to spring into action to deliver Easter treats! I was really channeling the Easter Bunny: note the way I'm holding my hands to simulate paws. Of course, I hopped around as much as possible when in this costume. Walking was so banal and just not the Easter Bunny way.

I was also probably inspired by Bobby Van, and his hopping number from the film "Small Town Girl." Stereotypically, I have enjoyed musicals from an early age.

It's a family trait.

Proto-gay that I was, I loved the crafty and decorative aspects of Easter.

One year, I made little Easter baskets for my family. I filled them with candy and placed them outside my siblings' bedrooms very early on Easter morning. As if the Easter Bunny was some kind of springtime surrogate for Santa Claus.

I think costumes and masks have been important to a lot of gay kids, long before they knew they were gay. They provided the opportunity to take on other personalities.

Paradoxically, we were more ourselves in costumes and masks.


Dressing up, it's as though we could take on our true personalities using the pretense of those costumes, and the creative freedom they provided.

While I didn't know I was gay at this tender age, I knew I wasn't like most of my contemporaries. Despite that, I didn't have a particularly difficult childhood. I was fortunate to have 7 older siblings who came of age during the various social revolutions of the 60's and 70's.

They weren't wildly non-conformist, but they weren't conformist either. And they suggested the possibility of independent thought and becoming whoever I wanted to be. I was also lucky to grow up in a home where education was highly valued.

We were raised Catholic, but were encouraged to read and to explore a broader world of ideas. This provided so many options.

I can't remember any same sex crushes from that era. I'm sure I had them, but
I was fickle too - moving on from one to the next like, well, the Easter Bunny.
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DJ

DJ, age 3

Prince George, Canada (1978)

I have only a brief flash of memory of this photo, but I have a happy memory of it. I was the kid that moved a lot, and finally laid roots in Sussex, NB Canada till I was 16. I was also the kid that everyone picked on.

The "gay" taunts started in 3rd grade, and were constant. I had a rough life at home, and somehow survived the cruel hell of school kids' taunts, fights, and abuse at home.

I didn't know I was gay till about 12, and my first boy crush was at 14. He was the boy next door that was just out of reach.

I had very few real friends, most of which were girls, and was NOT the popular kid.

I remember my fascination with Madonna in 1990, as I was "voguing" along with her in the video. Ditto with Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted" video.

Looking at this picture now, I think my smile is what got me through a lot of the hard times. I think being gay gives us a unique spirit, and it's a strong one.

If I had a message for those out there going through the rough times like I did,
I would have to say: It can't rain all the time.

If you stand up to be who you are, and don't give in to the hate, you will be the one driving the Mercedes. And those idiots that once taunted and hated you? They'll be washing it for you. I have seen it many times.

Karma has a funny way of dealing with those people. So just smile, and walk on.
There are better people out there for you.

After a lot of turmoil growing up gay in backwoods places, I am now in Calgary with my partner of 9 years. We are both out, and proud. I am living proof that "Fairy Tales" can come true. So hang in there, because it does happen.

DJ's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Will Wheaton (in "Star Trek: Next Generation")
River Phoenix & Donnie Wahlberg (New Kids On The Block)
Once a Trekkie, always a Trekkie...
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Grant

Grant, age 4

Bay Area, California (1969)

In 1968, I was "The Flying Nun" for Halloween, as I was obsessed with her TV show. Everyone had a big laugh over the boy in a dress! But being so young,
I really didn't understand what all the fuss was about.

I kept wearing my magical dress for playtime, all the way through here, in the summer of '69. I started to sense that I was different from anyone I knew.

By the time I was 12, it dawned on me that I was gay. And I felt that if anyone found out about my attraction to boys, I would be utterly destroyed. I desperately did whatever it took to seem straight, like dating girls and playing football, etc.

By the time I was 25, I was like a dam with a thousand cracks in it, and I finally came out to my friends and family. They were all totally supportive, but it was tough for my parents at first. 

They came around though, and my dad ended up happily walking me down the aisle when I got married to my man, 4 years ago.

Today, I couldn't be happier with my amazing husband (we've been together for 7 years), our 2 dogs, and my job as an illustrator in New York.

If you feel alienated, or having trouble accepting who you are - hang in there! There is no "normal," and what you're trying to hide or suppress now, will soon become one of your greatest gifts. And a source of strength.

Just like that little boy in the nun dress, be true to yourself.
And you will learn to fly, too!

Grant's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Glen Campbell (singer)
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Rick

Rick, age 4

North Hollywood, CA (1967)

A couple months ago, I was rummaging through old photo albums at my father's house, and my heart stopped when I saw this pic of me as a small child. It really took my breath away, because it confirmed for me just how early in my life, that my path was set. I was not to be like other boys. Thank God!

I don't remember this picture being taken. But I do remember in the years after this, feeling different and isolated. Like during 1st grade, when I had a mad crush on a 5th grade boy.

I seemed to attract other effeminate boys as friends at school. I was always being taunted, beat up, chased, and teased all through school.

My mother finally allowed me to switch to a small church school mid-year in 8th grade, because I was so miserable at my public school.

It was during high school that I realized what was different about me. I knew I was gay, and it scared the hell out of me.


But how could I be gay? I was raised a Baptist???

Things began to fall into place in my life in my early 20's. I met John, my partner of 24 years, in 1987. We have a wonderful life together, and I have a wonderful and supportive family.

"Born This Way Blog" gives me such a strong feeling of belonging. What a great way to show young "different" people just how many of us have paths to follow that seem so different - yet are actually so alike.

André

André, age 4

Baton Rouge, Louisiana (1972)

I recently came across this photo as I was scanning old slides for my parents.
I remember it was Easter of 1972. I'm holding a tiny purse my grandma made from an old margarine container, combined with delicate crocheting.

When I shared this photo with mom, she remarked at how cute my little sister was. When I pointed out that the photo was not of her daughter,
but rather, was of her proud, 4-year old son - she silently turned the page.

Growing up, my sexuality was the proverbial elephant in the room:

Always present, but never discussed.

I've heard we can only see the world with the light we've been given. When it came to my being gay, my parents never had the light they both needed to understand.

In my 12 years of Catholic schooling, just about every report card included the comment, "André is a sensitive boy." That was Catholic school code for "Gay as a daisy."

It was tough growing up "sensitive" and the journey was never easy. It was worth it, though. I can now say I love who I am, and I love the life I've built for myself.

I love that I've learned to honor and protect that sensitive, little boy with the pink Easter purse and black galoshes.

As an adult, I have a terrific job as a writer. I have a wonderful partner and a cozy home with 3 cats. It's exactly the kind of life that I was told would never be an option for me. A life filled with friends, family, and an occasional pink purse.

I live openly and proudly, and try to inspire others to do the same.
And I try to be that light for those who live in darkness.

That's how things get better.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jeanie

Jeanie, age 8

Kentucky, 1989

I was always a tomboy. Climbing trees, strategically placing my GI Joes for battle, and playing war with the boys - always won out over makeup, tea parties and Barbies. I hated girly clothes and She Ra was my hero. When playing house, I wanted to be the dad, as I loved pretending I was in love with the girl playing the mom. I never thought I was different, despite my crush on Alicia Silverstone.

As a young teen, there was so much pressure to like boys. Heterosexuality was implied, and I was confused. I never considered that I was gay, so I acted boy crazy, and decorated my walls with posters of male celebrities.

While all the other girls swooned over Jared Leto in "My So Called Life," all
I could think about was Claire Danes. I wrote off the feelings I had for other girls as "admiration" and ignored feeling out of place.

I began dating my best guy friend and married him right out of high school.
We started a family, and I accepted that I was always going to feel out of place, and would never know why. Until recently, that is...

I've met an incredible woman and I've fallen for her. My epiphany finally came:
I knew I was gay. I came out to my husband first, followed by my best friend.
It's been a year since then, and I have come out to all my friends. Fortunately, only a few rejected me.

But I'm still not out to my family. I'm working up the courage to do that. It's a slow progression, trying to change my life completely, but I'm getting there. It's never too late to start living authentically. I'm doing that a little more each day.

My experiences as a child were vastly different from those who already knew they were gay. So I can't really relate to kids who face rejection and bullying.

All I can say is, be true to yourself.
There is nothing more satisfying than being who you are.

Jeanie's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Alicia Silverstone & Claire Danes
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