Kris

Kris, age 8

Farmington, NY (1980)

Picture it: It's 1980, and I'm 8. The hip was cocked, torso slightly turned, hands out, and streamers attached. The boy was ready to show the world his baton!!!

A lot of water has crossed under the bridge. A lot of baggage has been carried. And as I near the age of 40, I'm finally starting to feel some relief.

Success is not measured by what you posses, but rather by what you have thrown away as no longer needed.

I look at this pic and see so much innocence, just being me.

I reflect on all the years after this picture was taken, and can say it wasn't long after that the innocence was stripped away. 


Other boys were normal. Other families were happy. But I was tossed aside. Where is that smiling baton boy?

Today, I have a choice. A choice to say that they can't hurt me anymore.
Today, I'm free! Today, I smile again.

For the youth of today and tomorrow:
Hold on tight and NEVER let go. Never forget that you will smile again, too.

Alex

Alex, age 4

Ames, IA (1976)

That's me in the green footie pajamas, kissing another boy.

I've always loved this photo, and I refer to it as "mom's first clue".

I have a very clear memory of being a young child and telling someone:

"God made a mistake.
I should have been born a girl."

What makes a child say something like that?


I guess it's that I've always known there was something different about me,
and those were the only words I had to express it at the time.

I was a bit of a troublemaker as a teen, always getting into trouble. I once read a quote from a gay writer (I can't remember his name, sadly) that perfectly summed up my teen years.

He said that until he accepted his difference on the inside, he wore it on the outside. And that was me to a T. I fought that difference, literally, always running from the truth in the mirror.

And then - I found the theatre. Acting. Directing. Writing plays. The ways that it saved me can't begin to be counted. It gave me a space to be me, without fear. Rather ironic, given that I was constantly being anyone BUT myself on stage.

I had a single mom that figured me out early in my teens, and fished around for it until I told her when I was 21. It wasn't until I saw how hard others had it, that
I TRULY appreciated how valuable that unconditional love really was.

I only wish I hadn't spent so much time afraid to admit to myself who I was.
I certainly had no reason to be afraid. At least not with my mom.

For those of you with perhaps less supportive parents or family? Hang on!
There's a whole world out there ready to love you. And YOU get the power one day to define who and what your family is, and who belongs in it.

It's pretty awesome. Honest.

Today, I'm legally married to my husband and we're looking into adoption.
I could never have pictured this future, as that confused teenager.

So please hang on to see where your story goes. I bet it will be amazing.
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Steve

Steve, age 3

Rochester, NY (1957)

I don't remember this Halloween at all, and can't imagine why my mother would put me in my sister's dress like that. But it was some foreshadowing, for sure.

I think I knew I had feelings for men around age 8. I liked my male teachers much better than the women. Not having a father figure made me look elsewhere for that male companionship.

At 12, I felt much more mature than other guys my age. I had major crushes on all cute boys, and many of the pop culture icons of the day.



The only movie images of gay men in the late 60's and early 70's were either evil villains who had to be killed, or swishing effeminate guys who were jokes. So I hid out, deep in the closet. From around age 13 to 16, I knew for certain I was different, and dreaded being gay and outed.

I only dared to have sex very discreetly, while keeping up the image of an All-American, straight jock. It wasn't till college that I really explored gay life in NYC, which then meant horrid gay-theater encounters and other closeted men.

I moved to San Francisco in 1978, and that finally allowed me to re-invent myself as a gay man. Since then I've blossomed into the person I wanted to be.

Gay youth today have it infinitely better than my generation did.
And they should take every advantage of the groundwork we laid for them.

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Bobby Sherman (singer/actor)

Henry & Rocky

Henry, age 5

Rocky, age 4

Santa Ana, California (1973)

I'm Henry on the right, with my brother Rocky on the left. Growing up searching for a sense of self is hard to do. My parents, especially my mother, made it virtually impossible for me to be comfortable with coming out at 17.
Our household told us that being gay was a sickness, and that we were defective.

I suffered at the hands of shrinks, priests, and my mother's tactics trying to "change" me. The one person who made this truly bearable was my little brother, Rocky. He is also gay. And he always supported me with no judgments.

Growing up, I knew Rocky was gay before I knew I was. He once performed "I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan in my mother's platforms, to cheer me up once when I was really down. Our mom caught us, but I remember him really looking up to me, trying in earnest to seek my approval.

We were different as boys. Rocky liked perfume, make-up, and glamor, and I liked sweaty men, rock music, and leather. We still like the same things now.
He was a Goth and I was an awkward punk, just trying to fit in.

We once got into a fist fight as teenagers when I slept with Chris, a boy he had a major crush on. He was Rocky's sleepover guest, but he'd made his way into my bed. My brother screamed at me, "I hate you, you f*cking whore!" as he wept.

That very moment, my dad asked my mom just what we were talking about.
Of course, we couldn't tell them what was really going on. Rocky didn't speak to me for 2 weeks, and I felt like crap - but he eventually forgave me.

Rocky's support made me stronger to come out and accept myself. Doing so made him more comfortable with who he is, too. There's been love, laughter, and tears. But thankfully, I had my brother with me the whole time growing up.

So I need to say:
I love you, Rocky.

I know I don't say it a lot, but this is the best way for me to show it. You have been my rock in many ways. We bonded with a united front, and our parents eventually came to accept us as well.

I now live in London with Bren, my partner of 9 years, and our dog Jolene. We also run a successful tattoo shop in the city. Looking back at this photo, it's a reminder of how much my brother Rocky really means to me.

Henry's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Connery (in "Time Bandits")

Oh, that red toga and his crotch! Poppa's got a brand new bag!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Silas

Silas, age 3

Reedley, CA (1992)

Religious holidays were particularly huge gatherings for us. Easter was all about getting dressed up for my Southern Baptist family. This Easter, I was fashionable as always in a full body jumpsuit and cherry lip balm - because those smackers aren't naturally that red. And my sisters, Lacey and Michelle, wear ensembles sewn by our Aunt Julie. I love the food, bonding, and hugs that surround holidays, as they remind me of all the love there is on this planet and in Heaven.

As a kid, I had a billion Beanie Babies and watched "Family Matters" every day after school. On Saturday mornings, I'd sing along with the "Pokemon Song" ("Gotta catch ‘em all!")

I first felt different in kindergarten. My best friend and I were early "boyfriends." We would hold hands and kiss on the bus everyday after school.

When he told his parents that he loved me, they gave him the sex talk.

They told him being gay was a sin. That message was repeated to me.

As a result, for years I thought that women had "china" - not "vaginas" - up their skirts, and I refused to eat off porcelain.


Growing up gay in a Christian household can be rough. I have struggled to reconcile my faith and sexual orientation, and coming out was hard. But my family still loves me, and I know that if I meet a guy worthy of bringing home someday, we will rough through that together too.

Struggles are something everyone has; Christ, my friends, and my family help me deal with mine. I am a Gay Christian, and I was made this way.

Silas' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Prince Eric (from "The Little Mermaid")

Honestly, he was the sexiest cartoon character I'd ever seen.

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Bryan

Bryan, age 8

Bolivar, Ohio (1984)

Lawrence of Arabia?  Nope, it's me Bryan - in one of the costumes my grandma brought back from her travels. I wore this outfit so often, she once told me once she'd have to go back overseas to get another! In fact, it was rare for me not to be in costume: cowboy, air force, king, preacher, etc. One time, I dressed up my favorite action hero in a hoop dress, and I'd enter into another world.

My mom, who had good intentions, often tried to "man me up" by throwing balls at me. I never could catch a baseball.

The musical "Annie" was the soundtrack to my early life. Indeed, at times I felt like an orphan.

I felt, who could understand me? Most times I didn't even understand myself!

I always knew I was different, but I didn't always know why.

One night as a young teen, my family was watching Donahue on TV. There was a gay couple on the show, and I innocently inquired as to what was happening.

My dad answered back to me: "If you ever want to try something like that, you should let me know." Why? He said he would, quote: "Take me out in back of the barn and put me out of my misery."

Years later, before my dad's passing in 2008, he was working as a security officer at a local hospital. He was on a suicide watch, and the man he protected was gay. I'm told that dad, a man of relatively few words, counseled him: "I know things seem bad now. I have a gay son. He went through the same rollercoaster ride. He just got married to his partner. Things will get better. I promise."

And they do!  Things do get better! I married my partner in 2008, and we adopted 3 dogs and a cat.  We're thinking about adopting human kids now, too.

I barely made it to this point, but life has worked itself out in unexpected ways!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Annette

Annette, age 3

Bern, Switzerland (1980)

As a little kid, I was particularly fond of hats and dungarees. Though never a tomboy and a rather timid child, I nevertheless shunned the "girlie" stuff, and hated wearing dresses. In fact, I was often mistaken for a boy, and my feeling of self has always been one of a gay "in-between" in many ways.

I knew I was somehow different by the age of about 10, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But I found women more fascinating than men in every way.

At age 14, I became infatuated with Barbra Streisand, but still didn't understand that I was - and had in fact always been - a gay kid. That all came much much later, when I came out at age 23.

Looking back, I wonder how I could have missed all these signposts! Life would have been easier, had I understood and accepted my true identity earlier. Because I loved being that kid with the hat and the dungarees!

Once I got through the rough terrain of puberty, reconnecting to these early moments brought a lot of joy and self-realization.

And you can get to this point, too! And let me tell you: It does get better!

Tony

Tony, age 3

Milton Keynes, UK (1994)

I grew up for 9 years of my life with mainly just my mum. She was always there for me, and supported me through everything. Thinking back, we supported each other. She then met my step-dad, whom she is now married to, and he's also a big supportive character for me.

I remember being picked up from school, and my mum used to ask me "Is something wrong, spud? You can tell me anything you want. I will always love you." And I used to think, "Yes, there is."

But I never knew quite how to say it, even with knowing how supportive she would be of me. But she always knew, as mum's always know!

I remember wearing a thin sheet, and walking down our stairs pretending it was a dress. Funnily enough, the sheet had rainbow stripes.

Around 13, I remember feeling uncomfortable being in the boys' changing rooms at school. And I found myself looking at other guys.

It was hard and confusing as to why I was doing this. It used to make me angry, as I didn't have anyone to tell.

My best friend Hayley was the first I told, and she was so so supportive, and helped me a lot. I needed that, as I was bullied every day of my schooling period.

I eventually came out to my mum and step-dad around age 14, and I couldn't have asked for more support. I expected it from my mum, but wasn't sure about my step dad. They both love me, and that is all that matters.

I can't give advice to people who are gay who need to tell parents, as it depends on the parent. However, I do believe if you have a close friend, they are the easiest to tell. And doing that takes a HUGE weight off your shoulders, in order to help deal with it yourself.

My first famous crush had to be -- any man with his shirt off, I think!
My musings and other memoirs of a gay guy can be found here.

Sam

Sam, age 8

Laramie, WY (1963)

Here I am in my Cha Cha costume with my partner at a talent show. We won 1st Place! And this pose has seemed to follow me throughout my life in photos!

I knew around age 7 that I was different, and liked boys. Seeing them in the locker room after gym class confirmed it.

I enjoyed being in the swimming pool locker rooms, and watching all of the older boys and men change in and out of their swimsuits.

This photo still reminds me of how I was always doing crazy poses, wearing costumes, or dressing up for photos. 

I loved twirling around the living room in a long, ruffled hot-pink gown my mom had for dress up! I enjoyed the "Mickey Mouse Club" on TV, and was attracted to muscle-bound, good looking men of that era, like gladiators, Hercules, and Tarzan.

Later on in high school, I enjoyed the cute boys on "The Brady Bunch," "Flipper," "Batman," and "Leave It To Beaver."

To the young kids of today who are realizing they are 'different' or gay:
I say embrace it, and love yourself.

I was bullied in school since I wasn't a jock or didn't play sports. However, things turned out fine, and I'm living life as a happy gay adult. Actually, I think it's easier today to be a young gay person, as society is more aware and educated about what it is to be gay.

And as RuPaul puts it:
"If you can't love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?
Can I get an AMEN?!"

Sam's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Reeves (as TV's "Superman")

Randino

Randino, age 5

Manila, Philippines (1970)

As you can see, I loved wearing all white. I still do. I look at this photo and see a very happy boy loving the camera. My mother wondered years later why it took me forever to get ready for school every morning. She used to say:

"You go to school to learn, not put on a fashion show!"

 

I got that joy of performing and being in the spotlight from my mother, who was an actress back in the Philippines. When I was 9-years old, I got up on stage at a festival my cousins were having in their town.

With gusto and full vigor, I did an acapella rendition of Marcie Blane's "Bobby's Girl".
My cousins were mortified as I belted out,
"I wannbe... Bobby's Girl. That's the most important thing to me!" I finished the song and bowed to a very confused audience.

High school was not as difficult, since I went to the Fashion Illustration & Design school in Manhattan. The kids in the arts tended to be a little more accepting with gay people. However, my home life wasn't as rosy.

I came out to my parents at 17, and in 1982, news of the AIDS epidemic was everywhere.
I was exiled to the basement, and only allowed to use the bathroom down there.

I had my own set of dishes and utensils, and couldn't even wash my clothes along with the rest of the family. I was basically an outcast in my own home, so I left at 19 and moved in with my 20-year old boyfriend.

It took years of therapy and soul searching, but my family and I are very close now. We all had to grow and accept each other for who we truly are. Now, we can fully love and care for one another.

My grandmother once said to me in 1983: "It doesn't matter that you have the heart of a woman, as long as you're happy and make something of yourself...

I mean, look at Boy George."

My advice to young kids who are having trouble with their family, is to give it time. Don't give up on each other. Learn from and teach one another, but always come from love and truth.

Randino's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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