James

James, age 11

Marlboro, NJ (1976)

This pic was shot on the deck of a Tall Ship that was one of many anchored in NY Harbor for the Bi-Centennial. I decided on a fuchsia, wide-open Polo shirt and coordinating plaid pant to befit the occasion, which also appears to be my first gay cruise, as evidenced by some of my "shipmates". My charming sister Eileen (to the left) appears oblivious.

"All aboard the SS SWISH!"

I think the first manifestation of my "differentness" had to be around age 7.
My parents were shopping for a new house, and they'd brought the realty brochures for my perusal, upon my insistence. Within an hour of having them, I'd copied the more desirable floor plans on graph paper, and began a series of renovations to improve their "feng-shui" and decorating desirability. 'Why can't they just put this doorway where it BELONGS?'

Mother would stare, smile, and eventually agree. Our 5 bedroom bi-level shone with 70's magnificence, due in no small part to my input.

I look back at the MANY photos I could have chosen to submit, and while they all strike a knowing and warm nostalgia now, I did fight "it" for a long time. When I finally got the job done and came out at 27, the weight that was lifted brought us all together into a very loving, involved, and somewhat maddening family unit - that I wouldn't change for the world.

Like any kid coming of age in the 70's, the Friday night TV blockbuster of The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family was a HUGE influence on my dress, style, and - now that i think of it - my love of interiors. Yup, I was the weird kid who looked at the ACCESSORIES on the set of The Partridge Family. They had a porcelain CHEETAH that I coveted.

Even daytime TV in that era was so fantastically gay, it's no wonder I was GLUED to Match Game, Mike Douglas, and The Dinah Shore Show. I even coveted Mike's Eero Saarinen table and interview chairs!!!! Hello!!!

But it wasn't til I saw "CHiPS" that my "maturity" manifested itself in a much different way. Seeing Ponch and Jon assisting those white-toothed California families and hot-pantsed Pinto drivers-in-distress sure struck a chord.
I wanted them. Badly.

From prior submissions here, I can see I'm clearly NOT the only gay boy deeply affected by this groundbreaking TV program...

James' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Erik Estrada & Larry Wilcox ("CHiPs")
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Kelly

Kelly, age 13

Twin Falls, ID (1979)

This is a pic of me and my dog Penny on Christmas morning. Though I tried not to act like a "sissy" as a matter of self preservation, my true nature always seemed to present itself in candid photos, including this one.

I knew I was gay in 2nd grade. I'd fallen in love with the male lead in a movie shown at school during an assembly. Later, I asked my mom if 'two men could love and marry each other.' After determining I wasn't asking because I'd been molested, she told me 'No, but they could be very good friends'.

Then I replied, 'Well, I'm going to marry a man' - and I stomped away to my room.

I like this photo now, but it took awhile. The curly hair was the result of a home perm I had begged for in an effort to look like Mike Brady (the dad on "The Brady Bunch").

I eventually made peace with the fact that I was always a 'girly boy', much to my father's dismay. The signs were there: I played with my sister's Barbies, cut my jean shorts way too short, and chose to help my mom in the kitchen over working with my father on the car. 

I feel protective and sorry for the younger me in the photo. Because we all have a right to be who we intrinsically are - instead of what society or our parents believe we should be.

Kelly's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Lee Majors, Gil Gerard, & Lyle Wagoner 

They were all my MAJOR crushes growing up
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Jared

Jared, age 4

Jalisco, Mexico (1993)

When I was a little boy, my aunts thought that I was as beautiful as a girl, so they found it funny to dress me as one. They let my hair grow and grow until it looked like a girl’s. Then, they started taking me out wearing dresses, and telling people I was Jared, their beautiful niece.


I don’t remember when they started this ritual - that I now call 'my gayest era' - but I remember the day they stopped doing it.

We were lined up buying some tortillas, and the other ladies told my aunts how gorgeous they found me: 'She is so pretty! She must be a star from TV! One day, she'll be a Beauty Queen! I want her to marry my son someday!'

Well, I had to pee - so I found the nearest tree, took out my penis, and peed. And I think my aunts have never been more embarrassed.


Maybe my aunts feel guilty now for me being gay, or maybe they think I'm gay because they used to dress me as a girl. The truth, is that I was already gay - it didn't matter what clothes they put on me. Now I wear mens clothes and don’t really fit any gay stereotype.

I think being gay, straight, or bi isn't really important. We shouldn’t care about it, because we're all made of water, and I am pretty sure that water doesn’t care if the body it's living in is in love with or having sex with a male or a female, because each one is also made of the same water.

I agree we're all different, but being different sometimes makes us the same. I think that we are all raindrops, falling down in some chaos. But the day we finally lie on the earth together, we will merge into a big, beautiful human puddle: The Water of Peace.

Jared's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Justin Whalin (in "Chucky/Child's Play III")
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David

David, age 5

Enfield, CT (1981

This pic was taken in the summer of 1981 at a motocross track. The little girl is my cousin Nicole who, incidentally, would be the first person I would tell about being gay, when I was 14. While my male cousins & brothers watched my dad and uncles race around on dirt-bikes, Nicole and I stayed behind to work on our posing. We'd practice dances made up to Madonna and Debbie Gibson singles with our other cousins, Heather and Jenni.

"Strike A Pose"

I always knew something was "different" about me. One of my earliest memories is wearing red rain boots, in my back yard, twirling around as fast as I could. Why? I was hoping I'd turn in to Wonder Woman.

The first time I recognized a boy crush was watching "Little House On The Prairie" with my mom. I longed for Albert (the adopted son) to be my friend, and share a bed with me as he did with the boys on the show.

I also practiced kissing him on my pillows, as friends do.  

Looking back on this photo now only fills me with joy! I was lucky enough to have a family who loved and supported me from day one, always indulging my "stereotypically-gay" leanings. Growing up in a working class town in the early 90's wasn't so easy for a flamboyant Madonna-Wannabe. Especially for a boy.

My parents, though, dutifully drove me to dance lessons and theater rehearsals, just as they took my 2 younger brothers to their football and baseball practices. Who else can say their father waited in line at Barnes & Noble to buy Madonna's "SEX" book for their already-out-of-the-closet, 15-year old, gay son?!?!

I'm in LA now, working in the entertainment industry. I can say with 100% certainty that if it wasn't for my family and particularly my mom and dad,
I wouldn't be here today. Without that safe haven of home and the enthusiasm my parents brought to the table, there's no telling where I might have ended up.

So along with my message to gay kids, I want to emphasize: I hope parents of young children who are struggling with their sexuality read this, and realize the support & unconditional love you give your child means EVERYTHING to them. And effects how their life can turn out.

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Matthew Laborteaux ("Little House On The Prairie")
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Derek

Derek, age 2

Paterson, New Jersey (1986)

Here I am, clad in rainbows and airplanes as a happy-go-lucky toddler.
No wonder I turned out so gay and proud! Granted, I don't remember much at such a young age.

We were an upper-middle class family, and I had a big back yard with a play house and woods behind it. I remember wanting to play "house" and dress up my stuffed animals and dolls.

Emily, my next door neighbor, was a best friend at the time, and we would run around naked and just had the best time together.

My first memory of a same-sex crush was at age 5. Disney's "Shipwrecked" movie premiered, featuring a young, blond-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian boy on a ship with pirates.


He was about 12 years old - the perfect age for a flowering 5-year-old boy with a crush, right? I idolized this boy in the movie to the point of nausea.

I asked my mother if it was OK to like a boy, and she responded - 'Honey, I had female role models growing up. You can like whomever you want.' Granted, this wasn't exactly a 'Go-ahead, be a big homo' response, but it nonetheless validated my feelings towards other boys.

Another validating and affirming motherly moment was when I was 12. "Saved By The Bell" was huge, and I had the BIGGEST crush on Zack Morris. So much so, that my mother even took me to the grocery store to help me find teeny-bopper magazines - which were 100% marketed towards girls. But I had to have the full, pull-out pin-up posters of my studly suave crush!

I'd then hang them in my room, sometimes questioned by male peers of mine. To which I would respond, 'I think he's really cool' - and I thought it was all totally normal, because my mother had normalized those feelings for me.

So to all the young, unsure-of-themselves, LGBT populations out there:

Everything Gets Better!

There are people like you, living, breathing, and crushing on the same same-sex stars as you, and it is OK! Do not let anyone tear you down or bully you. You are beautiful, and that beauty will shine so bright someday, that those bullies will want to BE YOU.

Push past all the negativity in schools and keep shining like the brightest star you know you are!

PS - This pic is courtesy of my mother in rural California, who took the time to remove the original frame at her house, bring it to work to scan it, and email it to me. All of this, after having seen your website and really loving it! So thanks for having this available!

Derek's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Stian Smestad (Haakon in "Shipwrecked")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Ronnie

Ronnie, age 6
Odessa, TX (1961)

"Wide-eyed innocence"

I'm Ronnie, and this is my first grade school picture, taken in Odessa Texas, 1960/61.

All in all, I pretty much had a "Leave It To Beaver" kind of happy childhood.

But, it was probably around age 12 that I began to realize that I was "different" - when I was allowed to go to the local public swimming pool on my own.

Ronnie's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dan Blocker & Pernell Roberts (on "Bonanza")

Humberto

Humberto, age 7
Colombia, South America (1971)

I remember this picture very well, as it was shot in Guadalupe (a small village in rural Santander). In those times, Colombia was a very peaceful country, and none of the boys and girls pictured here could imagine what would happen to us in the coming decades. Such as the violence and the depletion of the incredible richness that Mother Nature had blessed us with.

I was on vacation here, posing at dusk with my blond cousins and my only brother at the time. In the pic, I'm the one standing and smiling, like some kind of King Of The World.

I always thought I was special - and I was.
I loved to swim and read, and I escaped my daily tasks by using my imagination.

One time, I imagined myself as a rich orphan, traveling the world and doing whatever I pleased.

I guess back then I couldn’t imagine how exhausting it would be, trying to feel proud of my gay identity, and always in a constant fight for equal rights.

Even being forced to understand that, my dignity and pride couldn't be taken away from me. I learned that we should leave behind bitterness and embrace new beginnings, and do so with kindness and plenitude.

Time is a human invention, and living in the past is a self-inflicted and cruel punishment.

There is nothing to be ashamed of, or to regret. We will always be those gracious, tender, and loved happy kids - playing in the paradise of our childhood. As anyone can see in these wonderful pictures!

Humberto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ron Ely (as "Tarzan")
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Zack

Zack, age 7
Los Angeles, California (1985)

This pic was taken on one of the many outings I made with my parents to The Southwest Museum here in LA. My Uncle Ken was visiting and we stopped to snap this on the way out. I think the person taking the picture had made some exclamation about "posing" and I obviously took this to heart. I was always a bit of a ham. It apparently runs in the family, as Uncle Ken is pretending he is blind here, by facing the wrong way...

"Strike A Pose!"

I loved visiting this museum as a kid. All the crazy garments and dioramas of Native American life just fascinated me. I wanted to live in those crazy little models and just ached to try on those awesome floor-length head dresses, with all those colorful feathers & beads. This place beat Disney for me any day! I wasn't into the arrowheads at the gift shop, and opted for the beading and coloring sets.

If I couldn't wear those costumes from the past, I was gonna make my own!

At this point I knew I was gay, even if I didn't really have the terminology for it. It started around age 5, when I was caught kissing a male schoolmate backstage while waiting to go on as shepherds in the school play. Lucky for both of us, we had an amazing schoolteacher named Mrs. Carey, who lovingly informed us that 'This isn't the time for that, there's a play to do!'

How the hell did Oscar Wilde ever get anything done?
He must have followed that motto at some point...

Now that I'm back living in LA, I've yet to visit the Southwest Museum as an adult. I think it's just something I'm saving. Or maybe I'm a little afraid to revisit it, since so many magical childhood memories reside there.

Once it reopens in 2013 after their restoration and preservation, I have a feeling I'll be the first in line. And maybe - just maybe - it will be time to do a modern re-enactment of this pose on the stairs!

Zack's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Ritter (in "Three's Company")
Tight pants and all!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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