Alyson

Alyson, age 6

San Antonio, Texas (1991)

My little sister is the short one in the photo, who came out 5 years before I did. The photo was taken before either of us knew what it meant to be gay. It's the first time walking to the school bus stop by ourselves for the first day of school.

I'm dyslexic and always felt different, yet it took a while for me to allow myself to know I was gay - even if I was consistently "gender queer."

I remember worrying about my attraction to women from as early of an age as 10. Still embarrassing to this day is my attraction to Jamie Lee Curtis, and her character in "True Lies."

In middle school, I was curious about the LGBT community, but it worked itself out via my interest in artists like Michael Stipe, Allen Ginsberg, Oscar Wilde, and other male icons.

That was easier than opening up the Pandora’s Box of my attraction to women.

So yeah, my younger sister beat me to it. I think my family expected my sister to come out as gay. Unlike me, she never lied to herself or others by pretending she was interested in boys. She might have also had the advantage of knowing more clearly what her attraction was. This goes to show that everyone is different.

Alyson's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jamie Lee Curtis (in "True Lies")
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Pat

Pat, age 3

Mobile, AL (1960)

When I was 3, I had only just begun to know the value of a good look. In this case it was a petticoat from my sister's closet. I not only used the simpler version (shown here) as a skirt, but used her frillier one as fake hair. This was only after trial and error, and learning that using Spanish moss as fake hair left me with itchy chiggers. Chiggers are red bugs with painful bites. We'd paint them with fingernail polish to suffocate them. Thus, it was necessary to raid my mother's make-up. This may or may not be suitable chigger treatment, but hey...

"Pat comes out of the closet at age 3"

It was also about this time that I developed my soprano singing voice. "Away In A Manger" was my most requested song, no matter the time of year.

My ability to do 'The Twist' for hours on end made me the entertainment go-to for most of my parents' parties.

I never dressed in ladies' clothes again until I was 14 and was "required" to do so at my large southern Baptist church during a youth retreat.

I tied with a guy named Charlie as the winner in a "backwards" Beauty Pageant. This time, I was a knockout in my Mom’s alligator pumps and handbag, and a long black fall (a half wig) that belonged to my 5th grade teacher.

My childhood crush was Sandy on "Flipper" and I even wanted to change my name to Sandy. In retrospect, it was probably just an effort to get close to his dad, Ranger Ricks (Brian Kelly). I wonder if they ever used petticoats so creatively?

I can honestly say that the Baptist church, the Alabama public education system, and a superstar dolphin sitcom definitely fine-tuned my sense of style. And it all made me the blissful gay Renaissance man I am today.

Somebody say AMEN!

Pat's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Luke Halpin (Sandy on "Flipper")

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David

David, age 5

Mt. Vernon, OH (1970)

This is me, Little David, from Mt. Vernon, Ohio - birthplace of Paul Lynde!

"Drying my hair with The Joy of Cooking"

I LOVED this hairdryer and used it whether my hair needed drying or not. It was like having a big, yellow, warm 'n sunshiney, electric hat on my head. I'm pretty sure that the book in my lap is "The Joy of Cooking" and I'm pretending to read.

I always felt different. I was always "too sensitive" and I didn't have many friends. And the few friends I did have were girls, not boys.

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Freddie (on "Scooby Doo")

Aqua-Man, Davey Crockett, & Davy Jones ("The Monkees")

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Dina

Dina, age 5

Olympia, WA (1988)

What makes a person look gay? What makes a person look straight?

When I was a little girl, I was a study in contradictions: I loved dressing up and playing with Barbies and My Little Ponies, as much as I loved digging in the sandbox and helping my dad in the workshop. When my aunt got married, she chose me to be the flower girl.
My grandmother made me this beautiful pink dress. I freaking loved that dress, insisting on wearing it whenever there was a formal event.

When I grew older, it became apparent I was different than other girls, but I couldn’t figure out exactly why. Somehow it got channeled into me wanting to dress and act less feminine.

I rarely wore a skirt or dress during middle and high school, and I never wore makeup 0 except at my synchronized swim meets, where I had no choice.


But that wasn’t authentic to me, either. It took me years to realize that what made me different was my attraction to other girls. Once I came to terms with that part of my identity in college, I started re-embracing my feminine side.

I started wearing makeup occasionally and wearing skirts to class. In a way, that was more freeing than my experiments with masculinity in middle school.

Today, I am still a study in contradictions. I’ll wear a pretty sundress and ballet flats one day, jeans and a t-shirt the next. I like video games as much as I like fashion. I feel like this is my true self, a true self I was not able to fully express until I got rid of the baggage of being a queer adolescent.

I hope if any queer kids see this, they'll understand they can be queer in their own way, which doesn’t mean denying the more "mainstream" parts of themselves!

Nick

Nick, age 5

Monclova, Ohio (1988)

I'd say I always had pizazz. I don't think I was ever over-the-top enough to be considered flamboyant, but I certainly was not meek or mild in my mannerisms. I never felt drastically different from the rest of my family, as everyone was a character. Home was a good place, even as my older brother came out at 25, and I was 17. I followed suit a year later. We were still treated the same, because we were the same: just colorful characters captured in photos like this one.

I was always attracted to guys, even at a very young age.

When teachers in elementary school announced the arrival of a new student, I would be gravely disappointed if the newcomer was a girl.

You see, I loved boys.

Boys were enigmatic to me and I didn't understand them. I observed them in class, running in herds on soccer fields, riding bikes in my neighborhood.

I didn't get what was so interesting, but I wanted to.

They excited me, like a toy I really wanted that was too expensive for my parents to buy. I couldn't get my hands on them, and I desperately wanted to!

Gay was such a negative term when I was growing up. It was used to harass and embarrass. I didn't want to be gay, and I denied it as I grew out of my childhood. When I was 15, however, I crumbled.

At a family party, the son of my mother's coworker said something to me I will never forget. I'd been running around, had gotten sweaty, and was looking for my sister. I found her in a group of kids, this boy included, and as I ran up to them, the first thing out of my mouth was, 'Phew, I'm really hot'.

This beautiful boy that changed my stubborn thoughts and unlocked my sexuality, looked me up and down and said, 'You sure are.' Everyone in the group took it as a joke and laughed about the absurdity. But I looked at him, stunned, and saw, for the first time in my life, that knowing look that gay men give each other. That look that travels across crowds of people, that sixth sense like your own personal dog whistle that raises every alarm in your head.

The knowing was instantaneous: Now I knew! GAY. I am gay.

The thing I knew since the days when this photo was taken, and the thing I denied for years, was true. Utterly and undeniably true. And then: relief.

And then, the beginning to a wonderful life!
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Ben

Ben, age 6

Dallas, Texas (1984)

This picture still cracks me up! I mean, look at me: the posing, the tutu, the Bronco's t-shirt (???), the bow in my hair, mom's heels, and a cocked leg!

I wonder what my sister, Erin (background) thought when she saw me? I also wonder who took this picture? My Mom or Dad?!

My parents said they always knew - hmm, I wonder how! While I don't recall this particular dress-up, what stayed with me was what my Mom lived by and instilled in us:

She'd say, 'Let's put on a show!'

My mom (RIP) was a showy woman, and she liked prizes.

Today I'm a showy man, and I like prizes too. Coincidence?

And in one way or another, we have been playing dress up ever since. Luckily for me, my parents always accepted us just the way we are. They encouraged me to be and do whatever I wanted. Thankfully, I never wanted to be a ballet dancer or a football player, because I still can't dance or catch a ball.

I was probably about 10 when my attraction to men started to kick in. I knew I couldn't love Wonder Woman forever, so I switched gears to "Growing Pains."

I crushed on Jeremy Miller (Ben Seaver) for when I wanted a cute friend to kiss, and Allen Thicke (the dad) for that sexy father figure role. Also, I loved Ricky Schroeder on "Silver Spoons." Sooo cute! And last, Jerry Sharell, as Mickey the bass player on Kids Incorporated!

Of course I also loved "My Little Pony," brushing out my sister's Barbies hair, and flipping through the International Male Catalog. What can ya do?

Who knew that I'd grow up wanting to be an ice skater, then a musical theater performer (who acts and sings, not dances), and who now manages a hair salon in Boston - that my husband owns?! That is pretty cool.

And anything is possible for anyone - even for a little gay boy from Texas.

Ben's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jeremy Miller (Ben Seaver on "Growing Pains")

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Rudy

Rudy, age 6

East Los Angeles, California (1986)

This was Halloween at my grandmother's house. My mother was a single parent who didn't have much money to buy a costume, so she borrowed a wig and dressed me up as my grandmother, lipstick and all! I felt so comfortable in the wig and pearls, and wanted to keep it on all night. Looking back, I know this was my way of expressing that "Star Quality" I've always felt inside.

"Little Latin Boy In Drag:
Rudy 'Rudeness' Garcia"

My family says they always knew I was "feminine" or "sensitive" - however I was never treated any differently than any of the other children in my family.

My mother took me to see a doctor because she was concerned that I preferred to play with Barbie dolls over GI Joe.

The doctor told her it was healthy, and it would help me express my creativity, and make me a good parent!

So I had lots of beautiful dolls to dress up and style and role-play with my sister!

But once I discovered MADONNA, it was all over for Barbie! I would watch her in awe, rolling around on the floor in tulle, posing for the camera, and singing and dancing with that one star earring!

Soon after, I did my first performance of "Dress You Up" for my teenaged aunts. They were amazed that I knew all the words and dance moves!

If I could say anything to gay youth now it would be this:
Don't ever believe that you CAN'T be who you are!

Find a place or thing that is all yours, and allow yourself to blossom into the beautiful butterfly you will become.

Rudy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

"Marky" Mark Wahlberg

I saw those Calvin Klein ads in his briefs, and thought 'That's what I want'

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Charles

Charles, age 6

Denison, Texas (1984)

As Christmases went, 1984 was a harvest of presents – and my Cabbage Patch doll was the featured crop. I adored her thick, coarse mane of brunette yarn hair and attached birth certificate - which proudly informed me of her given name, Christine. Although I look less than thrilled in the photo, I was in fact elated by both the doll and my brand new "Alvin & The Chipmunks" slippers.

"A Cabbage Patch Christmas"

My 4-year old brother Cameron (right, who now identifies as bisexual) was never one to care what others thought, a trait that earned my admiration long ago.

But his joy was obvious this Christmas day. After all, he received not one, but two dolls.

I, however, knew that boys were not to own dolls. Which is why I was displeased when my parents caught this Kodak moment.

At least they hadn't opted for a photo when I actually opened the box. Why?

Because I'd shrieked with glee.

When I look at this photograph now at the age of 32, I'm amazed at how loving and encouraging my parents were. Not all Texan parents indulged a son's fondness for dolls. And certainly not all parents actually bought their boys such dolls. To my great joy, I learned to read via my mother's purchase of Rainbow Brite Storybooks. Any good grades I earned in elementary school were rewarded via my father's purchase of bedazzled My Little Pony toys, at my request.

Whenever Cameron and I broke into Mom's closet to play dress up – and then insisted upon a fashion show whenever neighbors visited – Mom and Dad never blinked an eye. They never forced me to be someone or something I was not. As a kid, I enjoyed Hot Wheels and hot pink. I stayed true to myself, and that was the best response to an intolerant and unsympathetic world.

At the age of 4, I realized I was gay when I developed a crush on Scotty, my best friend. My feelings were certainly not sexualized at the time, but my crush was undeniable and intense. Whenever I asked to kiss Scotty and lay next to him – like the characters in my mother's favorite soap operas – he immediately told his own mother. That in turn caused a great rift between our two families. Sadly, that was the first in many lessons of the cruelty of my peers and of society; even parental affirmation could not shield me from viciousness.

I first came out at 16 by telling a close friend and fellow marching band member. This was a radical act in 1994 and Governor George W. Bush-era Texas. That brave admission was an initial step towards honesty and self respect. And I never stopped being myself.

Indeed, that is my advice to all young gay people: Be yourself.

Whether you adore the color mauve or hope to win the World Series, take pride in yourself. You are amazing, and you will offer so much to the world. Never let anyone else convince you otherwise.

Charles' first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Schneider ("Dukes Of Hazzard")

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Chacha

Chacha, age 7

Houston, Texas (1983)

My family recently acquired a stash of old photos, and I found this gem. As you can see, I'm a tough cowboy at the cotton candy stand. I got this cowboy hat at a rodeo at the Astrodome in Houston. I might have had to call myself a cowgirl, but really - I was a cowboy. I was very impressed with anyone who could ride a mechanical bull and often worried about whether or not I could hang on

"Cowboy at the cotton candy stand."

I really liked Lady Diana, practicing being a Solid Gold dancer, and enjoyed the science on the "3-2-1 Contact" TV show.

My first real crush was on Olivia Newton-John, mainly as depicted on her Physical album cover.
I knew it was wrong, but I had to look. I recognized this wasn't normal, and decided I ought to keep it to myself.

I then later fell in love with Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran, because he wore so much makeup.

I was really surprised, actually, to see this picture of me being so tough as a kid.
I tend to fluctuate between being feminine and being tough. The tough part wasn't captured as much on film. So it was a real treat to get to see myself acting, well, like myself, at an early age.

Chacha's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Olivia Newton-John

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Jeremy

Jeremy, age 6

Harrisonburg, VA (1977)

I was a helplessly creative kid. My mother remembers before I could even speak I was humming TV themes. From "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" to "That Girl"
I could out hum any toddler in the mid-Atlantic! I loved to sing, play pretend, and emulate my childhood hero - Wonder Woman! No other boy I knew could do the Diana Prince twirl like me - but then again, I don't recall many trying.

"Make your own kind of music, sing your own special song..."

Most of you are probably uttering a collective 'Well, duh!' right now. But as a child I didn't know I was gay. I just knew that in some way, I was special.

My parents didn't restrict my expression in any way. I owned a Barbie doll, played with Ken, and inherently - but indescribably - I knew I preferred to date Ken.

The once nonjudgmental and free social realm of preschool, changed for me in kindergarten.

The room had two plays areas - one for girls, one for boys. The girls' side had all the fun stuff like Raggedy Ann, baby dolls, and tea sets. While the boys' side had the less than thrilling array of dump trucks, airplanes and Lincoln Logs.

I remember walking directly to the girls side to pick up Raggedy Ann. One of the girls reprimanded me and said 'You go to that side. That's where the boys play!'
I remember my little heart sinking in a way that I couldn't describe for many many years. Needless to say, at least publicly, I followed suit. Privately, I was caught up in Wonder Woman, Marlo Thomas, Helen Reddy, & Barbra Streisand.

My real life male crushes continued through childhood and early adulthood. Being completely in the closet, I relegated these romances as creative short-stories written in my notebook. And kept far from the eyes of my sisters and family. All I knew back then was that I was alone. I knew I wasn't a "freak" but didn't know how to explain it. And if anyone ever discovered my secret, I would somehow die.

Being a teen in the mid-80's was not fun for me. Kids would joke that gays "had AIDS" and were going to hell. If I were to come out, would I have AIDS too?  Would I die? I didn't necessarily believe in Hell, but it sounded pretty scary too.
I know this sounds irrational now, but in my quiet secret world these seemed like real and terrifying realities. Also, my family had fractured back then when my father came out of the closet. Suddenly we seemed like a family of talk-show guests full of anger and pain.

I came out of the closet in my early 20's soon after graduating college. It seemed then my other friends, who'd been on the same journey with me the whole time, were coming out as well. It was like we'd all been through the same periods of fear and denial, but didn't have the voice to help each other until we grew up.

When I came out to my mother, she said, 'Well, I've known since you were a child. I just wanted you to feel comfortable telling me yourself' - and it was like the weight on my shoulders sprouted in to wings! I knew I would never have to go back to hiding. 

Now at 40 and in a 13-year relationship with a wonderful man, I look at this pic and think of Mama Cass' song, "Make Your Own Kind Of Music". It's a humbling reminder I did exactly that back then, 'Even if nobody else sings along'.

To the generation of young GLBT kids today:

I suggest they always follow that advice. To parents today, I ask you to allow your kids to make the best music you've ever heard in your life!

Jeremy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Rick Springfield (on "General Hospital")

Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch")

Plus Ricky Schroeder, Tom Selleck, and the ever-untouchable David Hasselhoff.

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Jan

Jan, age 8

Edmond, Oklahoma (1978)

That’s me on the left, and don’t I look excited?! My sister is sitting next to me with her usual big smile. I had the girliest sister in the entire universe. The pic now makes me laugh. And If I actually thought I was ever fooling anybody about being straight, the gay clearly shines through here in the pic.


I think I knew that I was "different" around age 4.

How can you not know when your closest sibling is the princess of the world?

She always wanted me to play with dolls or have tea parties, or some prissy thing.

Which got on my nerves. Why do that crap when you can play with GI Joe or the Millennium Falcon?


While she was busy spinning around like Wonder Woman and jumping on the furniture like the Bionic Woman, I was playing Han Solo frozen in carbonite,
or single-handedly battling Sasquatch in our playroom

I grew up with my fair share of bullies, but I was lucky because I was funny and could run fast. I was also a really good skater. The first time I saw Kristy McNichol, my life changed. I had a real purpose. I just knew one day I would roller skate up to her in my satin jacket and offer her a piggy back. Naturally she would jump on and off we’d roll into the sunset - obviously with a rainbow visible in the background.

The first person I told about being a lesbian was my sister. She could not have cared less, and said she would always love me no matter what. And she has, and she is still the girliest girl I know.

I grew up in a relatively small town, and it was really difficult and sad at times. But I look back now and see how it got easier and easier each year for me to stop pretending. I accepted who I was, and ultimately became truly happy in my own skin. I have no doubt that it will be the same for you, too.

Jan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Kristy McNichol

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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