February 07, 2011


Jan, age 8
Edmond, Oklahoma (1978)

That’s me on the left, and don’t I look excited?! My sister is sitting next to me with her usual big smile. I had the girliest sister in the entire universe. The pic now makes me laugh. And If I actually thought I was ever fooling anybody about being straight, the gay clearly shines through here in the pic.

I think I knew that I was "different" around age 4.

How can you not know when your closest sibling is the princess of the world?

She always wanted me to play with dolls or have tea parties, or some prissy thing.

Which got on my nerves. Why do that crap when you can play with GI Joe or the Millennium Falcon?

While she was busy spinning around like Wonder Woman and jumping on the furniture like the Bionic Woman, I was playing Han Solo frozen in carbonite,
or single-handedly battling Sasquatch in our playroom

I grew up with my fair share of bullies, but I was lucky because I was funny and could run fast. I was also a really good skater. The first time I saw Kristy McNichol, my life changed. I had a real purpose. I just knew one day I would roller skate up to her in my satin jacket and offer her a piggy back. Naturally she would jump on and off we’d roll into the sunset - obviously with a rainbow visible in the background.

The first person I told about being a lesbian was my sister. She could not have cared less, and said she would always love me no matter what. And she has, and she is still the girliest girl I know.

I grew up in a relatively small town, and it was really difficult and sad at times. But I look back now and see how it got easier and easier each year for me to stop pretending. I accepted who I was, and ultimately became truly happy in my own skin. I have no doubt that it will be the same for you, too.

Jan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Kristy McNichol

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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l1veder@d said...

It's funny. I was reading the first part of your story, and I was like "HE doesn't look girly at all" XD Then figured you're a girl! Nice story, I like the girly girl thing!

JediJMatt said...

That is hilarious l1veder! And thanks. It is really an honor to be a part of this blog.

One Woman's Thoughts said...

Interesting postings.

I do agree that so many people are the way they are and if you were paying attention all along then you would have been aware of the obvious.

Your sister loves you for you as you love here for her. As it should be.

Big Mark 243 said...

When you contrasted your sister spinning around like 'Diana Prince' to transform into Wonder Woman is the moment I 'caught' that this is a female writing... the reason that Wonder Woman was the tell tale is that my brother also wished to be either Lindsay Sommers or Diana Prince! Additionally, he would actually call on those powers or that of Miss Piggy to defend himself!!

I miss him so much... I am glad that you have been able to come to terms with who you are and even more that your family have also (I know you only mentioned your sister, so I am assuming...)

Love & Rockets!

JediJMatt said...

Oh gawd I loved Miss Piggy! My family is so ok with who I am that I think they might actually love my partner more than me!

Sherry said...

Jan I love you! Of course I had no idea while we were growing up once you told me via fb things made scense. I was even oblivious to the bullies... Maybe I lived in my own little world where everyone was nice.

Anonymous said...

All I have to say is one word: GAUCHOS.

limegreenlimes said...

Holy cow, *battling Sasquatch*! Why didn't I ever think of that? That would've been AWESOME to play!