February 11, 2011


Paul, age 5
Sacramento, CA (1961)

Now at age 54, I look back at this photo of me and remember my "first gay thought": It was when Steve, my best friend next door, "mooned" me from his bedroom window. Though I couldn't identify those feelings or the attraction,
I absolutely loved it, and the feeling was intense enough that I never forgot it.

 I tried to be the best little kid in the world, totally respecting all authority and acting like an angel; probably overcompensation for realizing that I was born different, and there was no changing that.

Around 6 or 7, I loved watching "Daniel Boone" on TV, as I was so in love with Daniel's blond-haired son, Israel. 

At age 8 I remember I was also very attracted to one particular plastic army man (the sniper). His posterior seemed to be such a turn on.

Finally on my 21st birthday, I completely came out to myself.
It was either that or suicide.

Adults want to deny these feelings - either straight or gay - in kids, but we know the truth that most of us experience those sexual and affectionate feelings at young ages.

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Darby Hinton (Israel on "Daniel Boone")


Randuwa2 said...

The pure innocent exuberance of your smile in this picture brought a tear to my eye. The beauty inspires. Cheers!

a m o u r e t t e said...

your photo is soo cute!