February 07, 2011


Juston, age 5
Pontiac, MI (1983)

This was one of my favorite chairs in our house because of the hideous brown floral design. I was the first grandchild born into a large family of 7. My mother, aunts and uncles were all in their late teens and early 20's when I was born. We lived with my grandmother at this time, and she doted on me in the best of ways. Bowl haircuts were the rage, and I wanted one of my own. Because of my longer blond hair, I was often mistaken for a girl. 

My Aunt Biggie always says that when I was 3, she knew I was gay. Her proof of my gayness was that I was the smartest kid she knew, I was always polite and sensitive, and loved to sing. My first song was "Puff The Magic Dragon." She says I loved to sit and listen to Elton John records in the basement.

My aunt Michelle and I had marathon movie sessions with tubs of popcorn and movies like "The Wizard of Oz" and "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory."

I remember at this age being obsessed with Carebears, Rainbow Brite and Barbies. My obsession even got me into trouble when I ordered a Rainbow Brite jazzercise record off TV. It arrived COD (cash on delivery) and my mother almost killed me that day. I spent the rest of the day dancing in my room to my new record on my FisherPrice record player.

I also loved playing with all my girl friends and enjoyed making their Barbies have intricate sexual relationships. But I enjoyed riding bikes and playing baseball, too, so I wasn't always girly. I remember this time of my life as very carefree, and never worried about what I did or how anyone felt about it.

My first real crush at age 10 was during the 1988 Olympics. I spent the summer watching Greg Louganis diving on TV. My mom kept trying to get me to go outside, and kept asking why I suddenly wanted to watch sports. If she would have just sat down and seen Greg in those Speedos, she would have understood.

Until I was 15, I often questioned my sexuality, and began to realize I really enjoyed men much more. My "Aha!" moment came in 10th grade while watching Beauty & The Beach during MTV's Spring Break in Florida. As the men and women pranced down a runway, I looked at the girls and then the boys - and I thought in my head: 'That's it - I'm gay'.

From that day forward I never struggled with the idea again. I knew who I was and was ready for the world to deal with it. I came out in High School during Junior year and was pretty much accepted by everyone. I thankfully had some really fabulous friends who not only accepted me but helped me celebrate myself.

I look back at this picture and think" 'God, I was so gay. Look at that hand'...
But I also think how happy and oblivious I was. I never thought I was different.

Now I'm 32, a nurse, and I live with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. I still have many of those fabulous friends, and I live a very happy life. It wasn't always easy when I was younger and coming out, but it was all worth it.

Thank the goddess for making me gay!

Juston's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Greg Louganis (Olympic diver)

Breaking the SurfaceWilly Wonka & the Chocolate Factory [HD DVD]Classic Albums - Elton John: Goodbye Yellow Brick RoadConfessions of a Male Nurse (Southern Tier Editions)


A Daft Scots Lass said...

I'm so loving your blog!

myladycatherine said...

Hi :-) Look at my blog:

Bi Like Me said...

hey..just found your blog and I'm loving it. Great idea! If you ever feel like making a blog roll, would be honored to be on it!

Thanks again, and keep up the good work!

Chibikage89 said...

I remember Puff

Erin said...

I love this blog! Check out http://ComingOutAintEasy.blogspot.com which has blog posts about coming out, and will have more posts about various LGBT topics.

Escrevoir said...

I love ur notes, Paul...U're so open minded, I would love being like you one day, I just started a blog yesterday but I write about how difficult is living 'behind the scenes'. But it's in portuguese.


One Woman's Thoughts said...


So nice to read about your fun growing up years.
Seems like you're the kind of person that has a a positive and fun attitude.