Alvin

Alvin, age 4

San Juan, Puerto Rico (1960)

Here I am modeling in front of my Dad's 1956 Pontiac. This is in the center of San Juan, the Hato Rey district. That's a working class neighborhood, and it's where I was called "pato" (faggot) at an early age. Back then, I ran the gamut:

I used to wear my aunt's dresses, put on makeup when nobody was around, dressed up my GI Joe dolls with my neighbor's Barbie clothes, and undoubtedly possessed a sense of fabulousness.

Kids at school used to make fun of my feminine ways, but when I developed a very deep voice during adolescence, they stopped bothering me.

While I never played sports, I became famous in my High School for being our class actor/singer.

Acting and singing during that era was highly respected in Puerto Rico. And if you were a member of the Glee Club, people respected you for that too, and understood your niche in life.

I guess those were different times than now.

Alvin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Pernell Roberts (in "Bonanza")

Alberto

Alberto, age 3

Jerez, Spain (1980)

Here I am, phoning my friend Villa to talk about the new "chulazo" who had just moved in the neighborhood.

Before finding your blog, and seeing the other pictures posted here, I felt a little ashamed about this pic.

As a little kid, I used to dream about playing with Barbies, and I loved watching Falcon Crest on TV.

I realized I was gay at 5, but I didn't really come to accept it until I was 24


Now, I am a big, proud wolf!

Alberto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lorenzo Lamas (on "Falcon Crest")

Edgar

Edgar, age 6

Bellwood, IL (1993)

I've always wondered if my parents ever thought I could've been gay when I was a kid. I mean, look at this pose! I guess they had little to no Gaydar, thanks to all those books on the shelf behind me. My parents were (and still are) devout Jehovah's Witnesses.

"The son of a preacher man"

I first felt different around the time this pic was taken, but I didn't have a word for it till I was 13. Strangely enough, seeing this again kind of makes me want to have kids of my own.

Probably because I want to make-up for my parents raising me in a pretty homophobic religion.

I was a bit of a nerd growing up and I got caught up in the Power Rangers and Pokémon. I loved Disney movies, but only during the late 80's/early 90's Disney Renaissance! As I hit puberty, I was a die-hard N*Sync and Britney Spears fan.

My message to young LGBTQ kids, is that they're the vanguard in a long movement where we've all fought for a long time, to just be ourselves.

All that fighting has won them the right to feel perfectly comfortable in their skin. However, if anyone gets in the way of that, they can be sure there are plenty of people who will  back them up and support them.

Edgar's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Val Kilmer & Chris O'Donnell (in "Batman Forever")

Ooh - all that rubber, and especially those abs and pecs...

Glen

Glen, age 7
West Milford, New Jersey (1969)

This is a picture of me and my two brothers. I'm on the top step.
My grandmother wrote 'The 3 Muscateers' at the top. But on the back she wrote 'the three astronauts' since we were all named for astronauts. Glen, Scott, and Dean were definitely common names for kids during the 60's.

I don't recall the pic being snapped, but it is rather telling. We all had some sort of metal canes for the snapshot. My younger brother Dean (now a poet), is on the bottom step looking rather nonplussed about his. Scott (who ended up being the jock of the family) is in the middle, holding his like a javelin. And I'm looking rather dandy using it like walking cane, with my left arm flung casually over the step behind me. I also love the white socks and black shoes!

It must have been around 2nd grade that I recall having those feelings that I now recognize as my inherent gayness. There was a boy in class named Gary C, whose name I still remember after all these years. I just could not take my eyes off of him. I just wanted to be near him. I don't remember much more about him than that - but those memories of staring at him and longing for him are permanently etched in my brain.

During the 1960's and 1970's in the sticks of New Jersey, homosexuality was simply not discussed, even in church. It wasn't on anyone's radar, even though my town was only about an hour's drive away from Greenwich Village, NY.

While I knew instinctively that I was drawn to boys, and then men as I got older, I didn't fully integrate those feelings until much later after college.

Glen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Don Grady (Robbie Douglas on "My Three Sons")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Julia

Julia, age 5

Caracas, Venezuela (1990)

That's me on the far right in this pic. The interesting part about this picture is that it shows a very different part of me: I was very feminine as a child. Today, as a grown woman, I am a complete butch! Go figure!

"A feminine butch? You go girl!"

As a child I was always secretly admiring women, especially my preschool teachers who were all very feminine. Since very little, I knew there was something exotic about women - their sweetness, their affection and, their hugs!

I used to play with Barbies a lot, pretending they were girlfriends. Sometimes I even made them kiss! This made me feel I was doing something 'wrong'.

At around the age of 16, I discovered Mariah Carey and became fascinated by her beauty and voice. Time went on with me thinking it was wrong to dream of girls. Then I kind of didn't want to wear feminine clothing, but I had no choice.

I can't say what specific time age I consciously knew I was gay, but I can say that at 24 years old, when I officially came out to my parents, I knew my life began again. And this time, without shame, and without the pressure of being feminine.

My message for gay kids around the world is: Queerness is freedom.

Julia's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Thalia, Mariah Carey, Ellen DeGeneres, & k.d. lang
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Dimitri

Dimitri, age 4
Tacoma, WA (1971)

From the earliest I can remember, I thought boys made more sense than girls. At this age, I remember running onto the lap of my favorite babysitter. He was a teen-aged boy, and he and his sisters watched us all the time. And, I kissed him.

He said, 'Dimitri, boys don’t kiss other boys.'
And I thought, 'Well, that’s dumb.'

“Ready for my close up!”

I was more even aware of my difference and my attraction to boys by 10 years old, and had my first boyfriend at 13. I remember sneaking out of the window and going to his house late at night after everyone was asleep!

He was from Mexico and spoke very little English, but we managed just fine.  :)

I always loved pretty things. I wanted to be creative in school and work with art. I would re-decorate my bedroom almost weekly, moving things around and changing the colors of the room depending on my blankets.


As I became a teenager, I was very much into the punk & new wave scene of the 80’s. I loved Boy George and Cyndi Lauper and often shaved the side of my head into diamonds and dyed the rest black. I still miss being able to play with my appearance like that!

As I look back on this picture, I thank God every day that I was raised by my mother who supported me, normalized my differences for me, and prepared me for the world that is STILL not ready for me. I came out at 12, went through my youth and puberty as a gay teen, and grew to manhood surrounded by the large gay community in Seattle.

Dimitri's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Cassidy

He was my first love. I had a t-shirt with his face on it and wore it proudly through most of the 4th grade!
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Scott

Scott, age 5
Oldsmar, Florida (1964)

I grew up in Oldsmar, Florida where this pic was taken. As you can see, I was always a "show-off" and liked attention.

Unfortunately, I got teased and hassled through high school. Certainly not the type of attention I wanted, but I persisted and I survived.

I first started realizing I was different around 3rd grade, but did not formally "come-out" until my early 20’s.

Now, as I look at the picture, I understand why my mother told me she already knew, when I finally told her. I also realized that I had some fun growing up, despite the teasing.



I'm 51 now, and relatively successful, and my life is good.

So, my advice to those being teased, hazed, and hassled:
Hang in there, because all that negativity will end soon enough.

You will grow up, look back at the fun times with a smile, and look at the hard times with a feeling of pride and accomplishment - for those were the tests of your resolve to succeed.
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Miguel

Miguel Cane, age 1

Mexico City (1975)

This photo was taken at my first birthday party. If you look, you'll notice that even then, there is a certain "sadness" to me. This is what my friends often refer to as my 'Liv Ullmann face' - even that young.

"Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up"

This, of course, does not mean that I was always a sad child -- but most gay children grow up wounded one way or another, at least those of my generation and country did. But it's a fact that there are no pictures of me smiling.

However, I love this picture. Not only because it reveals the essence of who I am (these bouts of hope and simultaneous sorrow, the look in my eyes), but also because of the lovely clothes. I mean, what's not to love there? The frills, the flowers, the lovingly handmade suit. At least I was smartly dressed even then.


I probably had a notion of my being different, even at that age. My mother says she could tell from the moment I was able to walk. She says I was not girlish, but rather neutral and measured.

I know I was pretty well aware of the attraction to males when I was 5 and started to go to the movies alot. I was bowled over by what I saw on the screen, such as Cary Grant or Warren Beatty, especially in Splendor In The Grass, which was so revealing to me later on.

I was a film buff even as a little boy. I fell in love with the apartment sets in Rosemary's Baby, I cried my eyes out at the end of Breakfast At Tiffany's, wanted to be a Von Trapp kid, and adored the Pompeii Club where Shirl The Girl winds up in Sweet Charity. My grandfather fed me movies and gave me enormous support. He loved me just the way I was, and I like to think he knew exactly who I was when he died when I was 7.

Everybody else could tell, much to the frustration and chagrin of my father. We had an antagonistic relationship for many years, until I politely but firmly told him off, leading to a dètente between us. My Mom was often caught in the middle of the drill. She never took sides, but she was supportive.

I'm now in my mid 30's, I moved to Spain, and my mom and I get along fine. And oh yeah - I eventually became a Film Critic & Historian, to boot.

I live alone, and I don't mind. All my life I've looked for courageous, resourceful, warm, & funny men. Some that I've loved weren't that, but I have no regrets, and I don't see it as a waste. There's plenty of ways to have love in your life, and plenty more to give the love you have in yourself to others. You may not live happily ever after - there are no guarantees for that - but bear this in mind:

You can live hopefully ever after.

Miguel's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Cary Grant (in "Notorious")
The moment he kisses Ingrid Bergman and she ever-so-slightly rubs his earlobe, I felt dizzy and my knees gave way. Everything was illuminated for me

Steve

Steve, age 11

Mt. Vernon, Illinois (1979)

As a chubby gay kid growing up in the midwest, I learned how to perform - mostly because I couldn't run fast. In this picture I'm proudly displaying a cheerleading pose I'd recently learned at practice. Yes, I was a cheerleader for our grade school boys and girls basketball team.

"Ready? OK!  Roll call, sha-boom. Check, check sha-boom."

Not only was I a cheerleader, I was also the Captain of the squad - which was more of a popularity issue and less of a 'Can you do the splits?' issue. I couldn't do the splits, but I was freaking funny, and apparently that was enough.

I first knew I was attracted to men one summer at We Wo Se Je, a Christian based bible camp in the middle of the woods. I spent a whole week in a cabin with 8 other pre-teen boys and one very hunky counselor, who was all of 15 at the time. I remember faking like I was sick one night so I could sleep on the bottom bunk with him. Although all we did was sleep, it was shear heaven for me. Thank God for bible camp!

Sure, I was subjected to the usual barrage of name calling and such. However, I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where I was encouraged to be myself.
A rare treasure in the economically depressed hills of Southern Illinois.

Without the love of my mother, I would have never made it through this initial step of going against the norm. She went on to make it possible for me to bear the burden of starring in school plays, speech and acting team tournaments, dying my hair purple. And, wearing vintage pajamas adorned with costume jewelry to high school. 

When I look back on this picture now, I realize I was just on the precipice of the path to true self discovery. I'm still on that path, and it's taken many directions in the years that have passed. However, I keep embracing each day and strive to make it better than the day before.

Because, it does get better and it starts with yourself.

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Tom Wopat & John Schneider ("The Dukes of Hazzard")
Love me some "Duke Boys"!
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James

James, age 11

Marlboro, NJ (1976)

This pic was shot on the deck of a Tall Ship that was one of many anchored in NY Harbor for the Bi-Centennial. I decided on a fuchsia, wide-open Polo shirt and coordinating plaid pant to befit the occasion, which also appears to be my first gay cruise, as evidenced by some of my "shipmates". My charming sister Eileen (to the left) appears oblivious.

"All aboard the SS SWISH!"

I think the first manifestation of my "differentness" had to be around age 7.
My parents were shopping for a new house, and they'd brought the realty brochures for my perusal, upon my insistence. Within an hour of having them, I'd copied the more desirable floor plans on graph paper, and began a series of renovations to improve their "feng-shui" and decorating desirability. 'Why can't they just put this doorway where it BELONGS?'

Mother would stare, smile, and eventually agree. Our 5 bedroom bi-level shone with 70's magnificence, due in no small part to my input.

I look back at the MANY photos I could have chosen to submit, and while they all strike a knowing and warm nostalgia now, I did fight "it" for a long time. When I finally got the job done and came out at 27, the weight that was lifted brought us all together into a very loving, involved, and somewhat maddening family unit - that I wouldn't change for the world.

Like any kid coming of age in the 70's, the Friday night TV blockbuster of The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family was a HUGE influence on my dress, style, and - now that i think of it - my love of interiors. Yup, I was the weird kid who looked at the ACCESSORIES on the set of The Partridge Family. They had a porcelain CHEETAH that I coveted.

Even daytime TV in that era was so fantastically gay, it's no wonder I was GLUED to Match Game, Mike Douglas, and The Dinah Shore Show. I even coveted Mike's Eero Saarinen table and interview chairs!!!! Hello!!!

But it wasn't til I saw "CHiPS" that my "maturity" manifested itself in a much different way. Seeing Ponch and Jon assisting those white-toothed California families and hot-pantsed Pinto drivers-in-distress sure struck a chord.
I wanted them. Badly.

From prior submissions here, I can see I'm clearly NOT the only gay boy deeply affected by this groundbreaking TV program...

James' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Erik Estrada & Larry Wilcox ("CHiPs")
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