Dain

Dain, age 4

Akron, OH (1967)

I love this photo. I'm the "nurse" on the right. I have carefully tended to my soldier-brother's wounds, and then we proudly posed for a photo in front of the ugliest couch in the world.

I knew I was different from a very early age. I loved drawing and dolls and imagination games and reading.

My brother loved sports, and being particularly loud. And also, it seems, wearing bowling shoes.

My incredible parents let us each be exactly who were were, and they were clearly willing to document it! 

Being surrounded by love and support, I have grown to be a very happy, successful gay man.

I'm blessed.

Heath

Heath, age 2

Winchester, TN (1975)

It wasn't until around 4th grade that I knew I was different from the other boys. I hated playing sports, and I was always the last to be picked. I didn’t get into BB guns, baseball cards, or playing Army.

"Where's my steno pad? I need to take down a memo!!!"

I always felt more at ease staying inside, watching "The Young & The Restless" on TV with my grandma, or helping her out in the kitchen.

I reveled in the glitzy, 80's prime-time soap operas, like "Dynasty."

I wanted to be Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington, with her long brown cigarettes.


I don't remember when I changed from being sensitive, tender-hearted, and shy to being called a sissy, a fruit, or a f*ggot. I think it started in 6th grade, when one boy called me a fruit, and the rest followed.

While I was never beaten up, I always felt like an outsider, and like less than a person. I knew I had crushes on other boys, but didn’t internally admit it until I was 18. It took several years of hard partying and denial to finally come out, which was rather anti-climactic. Responses to the news went something like this:

"So?"
"What took you so long?"
"Well, I always knew THAT!"
"Yeah, you already told me when you were drunk the other night."

When I came out, I discovered who my real friends were.
That's why it gets better.

Heath's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dan Aykroyd

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Brigham

Brigham, age 2

Salt Lake City, UT (1987)

I always loved to wear my mom's 3-inch heeled snow boots and accessories.
The feeling just made electricity run through my body like I'd never felt before.

I knew I was gay when I was 13, and I just knew I was different. And I always knew I liked men - it just felt right.
I never really had a celebrity crush, just attractions to muscular, ethnic guys

I didn’t have the greatest childhood, growing up in a polygamous group in Utah. Of all the bad things that went on in my situation, this picture always brings a smile and a laugh to my face.

Fully coming out to my family at 20 was really hard, and my already poor relationship with my parents got even more estranged. My extended family fell in the same situation as well.


Some things happen for a reason, maybe just to make you stronger.
Or they happen just to make you a better person.

All I can say, is that I'm happier than I have ever been in my life.

I currently reside in Los Angeles, and I'm trying to go to chef school.
So things are looking good. Things do get better, so don’t ever give up.

Clarissa

Clarissa, age 4

Bronx, New York (1973)

I loved being a tomboy!
I wanted to be tough and dirty, and would go to work with my dad the mechanic. I didn't always wear coveralls, though.

My mom found a way to get me to wear dresses by making them herself, patterning them after Lucy Van Pelt of the "Peanuts" cartoon.

I acknowledged Lucy's toughness, and felt tough in those dresses, too!


I watched "The Bionic Woman," "Wonder Woman" and "That Girl" on TV,
all for the lead characters. Marlo Thomas' voice gave me butterflies.

I didn't know I was different until junior high. I just didn't get the way the other girls were obsessed about boys - mostly because I was obsessed about girls.

Being raised Catholic, I tamped my feelings down and thought of them as wrong until I was 25, and soon found friends who helped me accept myself and come out. All this, despite having a gay older brother who was accepted and loved by my family. Somehow I thought it would be different for me, since I was a girl.

Over the years, I'd tried to be more conventionally female. But there was nothing more freeing than cutting all my hair off, and returning to my tomboy roots!

To gay kids today: Love and accept yourself.
Stick with those who accept you, and live your truth.

Clarissa's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Marlo Thomas (in "That Girl")

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Michael

Michael, age 6

New Fairfield, CT (1970)

It may have been just my 1st grade class photo, but I already knew how to smile to cover up my crooked teeth.

Born blond, I really wasn't satisfied with the color. So by the 5th grade,
I already had a bottle of Sun-In on hand during summer vacation.

In 6th grade in suburban Connecticut, I was much blonder and already the butt of gay jokes.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was gay. I was always trying to push the girls to the ground during recess, in an effort to kiss them.


By the 7th grade I'd moved to a bigger town, and met my first boyfriend Rod.
He taught me how to kiss.

Mike

Mike, age 8

Houston, Texas (1991)

One of these boys is not like the other...

"And the Rainbow Badge Goes To...."

With my red hair, pale skin, and delicate features, there's some rage detected in my face. Juxtaposed against these smiling, eager-eyed, young Scouts, it was due to the fact that I didn't want sun damage to cause wrinkles for me later in life.

I obviously took the time to make sure that I had socks to match my kerchief. And my shirt was nice and starched, and I was also well aware that the fashion trend of acid-washed jeans was headed out the door.

While the other boys slouched and sat in poor posture, I sat demure. It's as if I were a Victorian lady, awaiting a parasol and lace gloves to cover my dainty hands. I took the time to be fabulous, while no one else had. For this, I was not having being a Boy Scout.

The irony that a young gay boy wouldn't find Boy Scout meetings to be a safe haven from the outside world seems funny to me now. Themed outfits, arts and crafts, and plenty of opportunities to work out with other guys? All of these STILL being my favorite things to do now.

I looked at The Boy Scouts of America website, and looked at reasons why you should enroll your kid into the Scouts. It states this:

"Scouting provides youth with a sense that they are important as individuals.
It is communicated to them that those in the Scouting family care about what happens to them, regardless of whether a game is won or lost"

For the young and old gays alike out there, that feel as if they have lost this game of life? My message is: Don't give up.

For those who are stuck in Scouts because their parents feel like they should be doing what the "other boys" do, I would ask that they stick it out. But always make sure you stay fabulous doing so.

It sounds cliche' saying that time heals all wounds, but it does.... Scouts honor.

Enzo

Enzo, age 2

Baltimore, Maryland (1967)

This photo was taken behind my grandmother's townhouse in East Baltimore. Obviously, I saw women pose this way for photos, and just assumed I was supposed to do the same thing.  I don't think I had a sense of femininity yet, clearly from what I'm doing with my mouth!

We were a big Sicilian family and my relatives lived across the street. When I was 3, we moved to rural Michigan and my life turned to hell.

But I always spent summers on that same block, and it was my world, my own Sesame Street.

An Uncle of mine died just before I was born, and he was all anyone spoke about.


He'd become a fairly famous songwriter, and I knew at 3 he was gay. Or rather, that he was like me, but I had no idea it had anything to do with sex. 

I was aware of gay men whenever I saw them, because they were nothing like my uncles. They didn't have women telling them what to do, and they were fun to be around. And they'd ALL been to Europe, or said they had. That was all I wanted out of life, and I wrote an essay in 2nd grade about how I wanted to be "queer" when I grew up.

Queer was the only word I knew for it, and had no idea it would be a problem. But when I read the essay in class, my mom was called into school. If anything,
I thought gays were superior. But I also knew stupid people made fun of them.

Looking at this photo now reminds me that as a child, men seemed peripheral and irrelevant. They were always somewhere else, doing something that didn't seem to matter much.

TV was the same: Men worked in suits and were boring and tried to hold back. The women were clearly smarter and more clever in every way.

Thus, I identified with women (and later gay men) as being the road to my independence. Even today I am still uncomfortable in all-homogenous groups, especially all-gay or all-white. 

Currently, I've been married almost 12 years. And I write & perform plays about my background. And today's kids seem to relate more than people my own age.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Frank

Frank, age 6

El Paso, TX (1990)

I grew up in a Christian home. My mother always gave us the best of the best,
at least to me, and she always worked hard to make sure we didn't lack anything. I'm the youngest of 7 kids, and there's 7 years between my next older sibling.
So that's probably why I was a bit spoiled.

At age 8, I got involved with the Royal Rangers, the church version of the Boy Scouts.

It was there I realized that I was different, but my feelings were confirmed later that year at a summer camp. 

One night I had my first encounter when I was kissed on the lips by my tent partner. He was a boy who, in my opinion, acted quite girly.

For years I prayed to be rid of the feelings I had, but my prayers were never answered. Therefore I viewed it as just being born this way.



A weekend visit to my mother's house from college was the time that I came out to her. Scared that she would react otherwise, she said, "I always knew you were different. But regardless, you'll always be my little boy." To hear that has given me great courage in life.

I was later in my first relationship, which was extremely abusive. But 4 years later and 1100 miles from home, I decided I didn't want to be beaten anymore.
So I ended the relationship.

Two years later, I found a wonderful guy who I'm now married to, and I couldn’t be happier. Funny to mention, but many people tell me that if I didn't tell them I was gay, they wouldn't have figured it out.

One thing that I would like to tell any young person out there:

Live for today, and don't worry about tomorrow.
When you start regretting your past, then that's when you stop living.

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Kris

Kris, age 8

Farmington, NY (1980)

Picture it: It's 1980, and I'm 8. The hip was cocked, torso slightly turned, hands out, and streamers attached. The boy was ready to show the world his baton!!!

A lot of water has crossed under the bridge. A lot of baggage has been carried. And as I near the age of 40, I'm finally starting to feel some relief.

Success is not measured by what you posses, but rather by what you have thrown away as no longer needed.

I look at this pic and see so much innocence, just being me.

I reflect on all the years after this picture was taken, and can say it wasn't long after that the innocence was stripped away. 


Other boys were normal. Other families were happy. But I was tossed aside. Where is that smiling baton boy?

Today, I have a choice. A choice to say that they can't hurt me anymore.
Today, I'm free! Today, I smile again.

For the youth of today and tomorrow:
Hold on tight and NEVER let go. Never forget that you will smile again, too.

Alex

Alex, age 4

Ames, IA (1976)

That's me in the green footie pajamas, kissing another boy.

I've always loved this photo, and I refer to it as "mom's first clue".

I have a very clear memory of being a young child and telling someone:

"God made a mistake.
I should have been born a girl."

What makes a child say something like that?


I guess it's that I've always known there was something different about me,
and those were the only words I had to express it at the time.

I was a bit of a troublemaker as a teen, always getting into trouble. I once read a quote from a gay writer (I can't remember his name, sadly) that perfectly summed up my teen years.

He said that until he accepted his difference on the inside, he wore it on the outside. And that was me to a T. I fought that difference, literally, always running from the truth in the mirror.

And then - I found the theatre. Acting. Directing. Writing plays. The ways that it saved me can't begin to be counted. It gave me a space to be me, without fear. Rather ironic, given that I was constantly being anyone BUT myself on stage.

I had a single mom that figured me out early in my teens, and fished around for it until I told her when I was 21. It wasn't until I saw how hard others had it, that
I TRULY appreciated how valuable that unconditional love really was.

I only wish I hadn't spent so much time afraid to admit to myself who I was.
I certainly had no reason to be afraid. At least not with my mom.

For those of you with perhaps less supportive parents or family? Hang on!
There's a whole world out there ready to love you. And YOU get the power one day to define who and what your family is, and who belongs in it.

It's pretty awesome. Honest.

Today, I'm legally married to my husband and we're looking into adoption.
I could never have pictured this future, as that confused teenager.

So please hang on to see where your story goes. I bet it will be amazing.
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