John

John, age 2

Hermitage, PA (1979)

At the time this photo was taken, I was pretending to be my mother. I think I did that a lot. I remember loving to watch her getting ready to go out, and wanting to be like that. I don't think I ever wanted to be a girl, but I liked the idea of carrying a purse or wearing makeup and perfume. In my room today, you'll find a large collection of man purses and a dresser covered in fragrance bottles. And I will find any excuse to put on a little mascara.

As you might imagine, growing up "different" in a small town like Hermitage was a challenge. As a little guy, I think my parents made me believe that I was different just because I was a smart kid. And nothing more than that.

Once I got a little older, I knew that was not the truth. I guess I was smart enough to figure out that I was gay.

It took me many years of pretending before I finally understood: It was not just okay to be gay, but a beautiful thing to live your life as an open, honest person.

I look at this pic now, and I just chuckle. How could my parents believe I was straight? The answer is that they believed what they wanted to, and I believed it for a while, too. But, there comes a time when you just get tired of lying to yourself and everyone else.

Eventually, you find out that there are tons of people like you out in the world, and another good handful who will love you for who you are as an individual. 

Today, I live with an amazing partner who loves me unconditionally. We just spent our 5th wedding anniversary together, and our 8th year as boyfriends.
So thank you Massachusetts, and let's go Illinois!

His wonderful family has accepted me into their lives with the warmest of hearts, in spite of what you might expect from a big Catholic clan from Indiana. I now have the greatest possible friendship with my mum. I cherish her as one of the greatest blessings in my life. And if that wasn't enough, I have a family of friends from childhood, college, and beyond who know me and love me for who I am.

No, this is not the life I imagined for myself as a two-year-old...
It is SO much better.

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:
He-Man & Prince Adam
I loved both characters for different reasons: He-Man's brute physical strength (not to mention bare chest), and Prince Adam's quiet, supportive nature - and his ability to pull off wearing pink.

___________________________________________________

Jill

Jill, age 5
Chicago, Illinois (1979)

I look back on this picture and think, 'Really, how could they not have known?!' My family was always very religious, and Easter was considered one of the most important Sundays of the year. So I'm surprised that my mother, who was always very concerned with appearances, let her 5-year old daughter wear a suit to Easter Sunday. I especially loved these pants. My grandmother had sewn the horse patch on my knee, as I'd ripped them one day while climbing a tree.

I was always a little tomboy from the very beginning - climbing trees and playing football with the little boys in the neighborhood. When I was 7, I begged my dad to install a basketball hoop in the driveway for me, which he did, while my sister played with her multiple Barbie dolls.

Back then, I had crushes on a few cute girls. I used to run around on the playground with the boys, but I'd chase the other girls. And I always told my sister from a very young age that I would never let some "yucky" boy kiss me when I got older.

By the time I came out, the general response from my friends was, 'I already know'. So people who really know you, they sometimes know you better than you know yourself. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be that everything works out as it's meant to be.

And, that true friends love you for who you are.

Jill's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Kristy McNichol & Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
__________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Kevin

Kevin, age 5

San Francisco, California (1983)

I have so many childhood pictures that, without a doubt, foreshadowed my future life as a gay man. In this picture, you can see that I was a happy child, who perhaps already had an affinity for phallic symbols. In other pictures in my collection, you'd find that I often pretended that I was a high-end fashion model, with one hand placed perfectly on my hip.

As I look at these past photos, I can't help but wonder how my parents didn't know I was gay.

I always played with my girl cousins and with their Barbie dolls. I sang, danced, and acted in our community musical theater.

And I got excited when the boys from "The Dukes of Hazzard" or Uncle Jesse from "Full House" took their shirts off.

Growing up as a Filipino American, with two immigrant parents and a large Catholic family, I quickly learned that these behaviors were unacceptable.

And I was often teased by my older brothers and male cousins.

I'd also see the looks of disappointment and disapproval in my parents' faces, when they saw me with a doll in my hand, or sketching my dream wedding dress.

To add even more pressure, I was already being teased as an ethnic minority;
for the foods that I brought to school, for the funny ways I pronounced things,
or sometimes blatantly for the color of my skin or the shape of my eyes.

Somehow at a young age, I realized that I couldn't hide my race, but I could try to hide my sexual orientation. So for the next 10-15 years, I had to pretend to be something I wasn't, while repressing layers of guilt, shame, hurt, and sadness.

When I was in my early 20's, I made the best decision of my life, and I slowly began to come out of the closet to my friends, my family, and eventually my parents. While some people were surprised and distant at first, most of my loved ones were able to show me that they still loved me.

But more importantly: for the first time in my life, I learned to love myself.

To all of the gay kids out there who are struggling with their identities, know that you're not the only one. We may not know exactly what you're going through in school right now, so we can't guarantee that "it will get better" right away.

But, I do hope seeing role models who got through it all at least gives you some hope that life is worth living. And, that you are amazing just the way you are.

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ralph Macchio

My crushes were pretty diverse. I first loved Michael Jackson & Prince, then the list includes Kirk Cameron, Zack Morris ('Saved By The Bell'), & Rufio in 'Hook'
_______________________________________________

Wanderson

Wanderson, age 6

São Paulo, Brazil (1983)

If you are a gay teenager, you might have thought about ending your own life.
I know I did. I was raised believing that being gay was wrong and that getting married, having kids, and forming a family was the only thing in store for me.

I used to pray before going to bed and ask the Lord to please make me straight, as if it was as that simple. I saw myself as a pervert, and I didn’t realize that my desire for boys was beginning to show.

My dad used to yell at me to talk like a man. I tried really hard but couldn't do it, and as I was just a child, why should I sound like an adult?

As a teenager, it got worse since as my friends started dating, and I was sure that I'd meet the right girl, and she would make me straight. Of course, that never happened and I started feeling depressed all the time.

All I wanted to do was die so the pain would stop.

And then I fell in love with my best friend. I was dating - or trying to date - a girl at the time, but my friend was all I could think of. I can't describe the confusion and pain I went through, and being only 16, couldn't even think about coming out or accepting what I was.

Years passed, and when I turned 23,
I decided it was time to have a conversation with me, myself and I.

And it was a different Wanderson that heard me say: 'I’m gay!' I smiled and he smiled back, and then all was much lighter and free. After that I started coming out to my friends, and every time I did, I felt better and better.

At home, everything was basically bad. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, someone told my mother about me. That drove her away from me, as she was incapable of handling a gay son. My sister found some love letters I'd sent to a man, and she didn’t handle it well either. I decided to tell my brother who was a teenager, and he was the only one who really tried to understand me.

After that I came to know a world that I never knew existed. I had new friends that were fine with my sexuality, and I finally found a man that showed me what it meant to be in a gay relationship. It didn’t last long, but it made me grow up and helped prepare me for who is now the love of my life - Alexandre.

He taught me about pride and not being afraid of who you are. Today, my mom sees me with new eyes, as someone who's also formed a family. And my sister and brother are closer to me than ever before. It wasn’t easy, but it was definitely worth it.

Today, I'm 34 and I do not wish or want to be anything but GAY! Through everything I've built, the friends I have and ones I've lost, and all the obstacles I've moved out of my way, it made me a better man.

Thus, I must tell you: it gets better! MUCH BETTER!!!

Wanderson's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Richard Chamberlain (in "The Thorn Birds")

Eamonn

Eamonn, age 4

Brighton, Michigan (1991)

It was an epic Christmas morning, and I had just turned 4 a few months prior.
In 1989, the 50th Anniversary Edition "The Wizard of Oz" VHS came out, and I became obsessed with 1) being a friend of Dorothy and 2) actually becoming her.

"Dorothy & Toto with their loyal steeds!"

Still in my yellow dress shirt from a Christmas Eve party at my grandparents, I eagerly transformed myself into a hybrid of Judy Garland and Glinda the Good Witch.

Note the fabulous pink wand. And those ruby slippers stayed on my feet for at least a week!

I honestly recall that I've always had a preference for men. To me, girls always made such fabulous friends, that I couldn't conceive of being with them romantically!


As a little boy, I wanted to be every Disney princess, and had regular breakdowns over Leonardo DiCaprio after seeing "Romeo & Juliet" in 3rd grade. I was about that age when I first learned what "gay" meant.

By age 12, I decided that gay was the way I planned to live the rest of my life - and with someone tall, dark, strong, and handsome! Inspired by a trip to Toronto with my mother - where we unknowingly reserved a room at a bed & breakfast hotel in Gay Village - I came out to her on the train ride home.

Thanks to amazing parenting, I continued to dress flamboyantly, play with Barbies, and hold my torch for actors and boy bands. In a small town known for ousting businesses donning rainbow stickers, I certainly couldn't let my true identity be known. But I never attempted to conceal my personality in public.

Even at my small Catholic school I found warm acceptance and many allies among my loving teachers. Regrets? Not sticking with those ballet lessons long enough to be a mouse in "The Nutcracker"! I lived to wear to those pink tights.

Looking at this picture today gives me nothing but pride. I wish I could I meet this little boy, just so we could sit on the floor with those ponies and Barbies and make some magic again. He was a happy little Prince, full of wonder and love.

And even if things might have been worse, they would soon get much better.
Being who you are is one of the bravest and most rewarding experiences. So start immediately - as you can't imagine how much fun you'll have, until you do.

Eamonn's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Disney's "Aladdin" & Leonardo DiCaprio

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"
____________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Lenny

Lenny, age 10

Chicago, Illinois (1965)

This was shot in our backyard pool on Chicago's South side. My dad was an ex-marine and made me get my hair completely buzzed. I remember feeling inadequate because I was skinny, hairless, and blond. I wanted to be dark and thick - more masculine. My dad must've known I was 'different' because he used to glare at me and bully me all of the time.

All I knew was I wanted to disappear, hide and just 'go away', fearful I'd never develop into a 'man'. This pic makes me a bit sad, because it was the beginning of a long period of self-loathing and shame. But it also makes me proud, because even at 10, I managed to make a little oasis for myself in a horrible spot.

I used to drag our 12-inch black & white TV into the garage late at night and watch dance shows and old movies, fantasizing that I lived alone in my own apt.
I loved watching Shindig, Hullabaloo and anything with Bette Davis.

It was around this time that I caught myself staring at older boy's arms, their eyebrows, and getting excited seeing even a glimpse of leg hair over their socks in Catholic School. I clearly remember doing my best to mask these feelings, paralyzed with fear at the thought of someone finding me out.

Around this time, we had a carpenter (who was a deaf mute) working on our house. I was used to getting the 'suspicious sissy accusatory look' from people, but this guy was different. He was buff and friendly and smiled at me all of the time. He'd work with his shirt off, completely ripped and damp with sweat. I'd offer him lemonade and hand him wood and nails. One time, I came into the kitchen and my mom gave me 'the look', and said, 'Why do you stare at that deaf guy all of the time?' I had been clocked. 

My first memory of gay shame was age 4. While changing into my swim suit at a lake, I walked into the men's changing room and saw rows of naked men for the first time. I ducked into a stall and hid. By age 10, I was fascinated with Anne Francis as TV's Honey West. I tried to get the neighborhood kids to act out the scripts. I remember saying, 'Let's play Honey West. You guys are the spies in the scene, and you tie Honey to a tree. Here's the rope. And I'm Honey.'

Well, they tied me to a tree - then got confused, bored and left. As I was tied up,
I was trying to be like Honey, wiggling and resisting from the restraining rope, and imagined I had huge tits. In the middle of all this writhing, I looked up and saw my mom and my sister watching all of this unfold from our living-room window - with complete looks of revulsion and disgust.

As for my first crushes: James MacArthur, shirtless in Swiss Family Robinson.
I wanted to be trapped on that island with him. Then I saw Rod Taylor in The Time Machine, and I was thunderstruck. But I was confused at the same time, as I was not comfortable watching Paul Lynde or Charles Nelson-Reilly. All of my fantasies involved older, alpha males taking me away.

To young gay kids now? You are ALRIGHT! It's NOT YOU that is wrong or screwed up. Live and enjoy your life, and never think that you have to alter yourself. You are great just the way you are.

Lenny's first, famous-person same sex crush:

James MacArthur (in "Swiss Family Robinson")
_______________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book

Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Alfredo

Alfredo, age 7
San Juan, Puerto Rico (1962)

I'm from the main islands of Puerto Rico, and I grew up among Catholics and conservatives. I became a born again Christian at age 18. I left the island in search of knowledge and freedom and became a Ph.D. in California, among fundamentalists. A sense of protection and guilt kept me in a closeted jail until I became 37 years old. I traveled the world and was very happy.

However, I had a secret, double life in which I searched for freedom and peace. It did not matter how much I did for anyone. No one seemed to be happy enough to give me peace.

Why?

Since age 4, I knew I was attracted to men, but I couldn't say it.

French actor Alain Delon made me crazy everytime I saw his picture in a magazine.

But the world around me was not tolerant, so I had to keep quiet. The world around me would kill me for being gay, and I knew that as a child. And so it went. 

I was also attracted to the Catholic priests at my school. They were missionaries from the United States. A sense of guilty pleasure came to my heart each time I was at Mass. Therefore, Church became my refuge. But can you not see how sad my eyes were? Each time I look at my school pictures, I remember exactly how lonely I felt and how aware I was of my uniqueness.

My last attempt to find peace was my missionary journey to Japan. Oddly enough, rejection and intolerance was the response I got from friends whenever I spoke about my struggle. And oddly enough, my best friends were Christian missionaries and pastors.

Have you ever been in the same kind of jail? I was, until the wonderful day upon returning to my island - the same wonderful day I fell in love at 37. It took my mother a weekend of tears to deal with it. But it only took my aunts two minutes to tell me, 'We all knew. Be happy.'  And so I have been since then.

14 years have passed, and I am free, happy, and full of love and peace. Did I change? Not really. I live the same way I used to live. I do the same things, go to the same places, but I am the freest man in the world. I have allowed myself to love and be loved.

As for Alain Delon? Well, thanks to YouTube I can see him every day, if I want. Thanks to life and freedom, I have my own Alain Delon.

There is no better way than one's own way. There's nothing better than waking up to life, on my path as the one person who needs words of love, encouragement, and peace. It reminds me that although as a child I was afraid, as an adult - I can make a difference.

If you're still in "jail," make sure you're out to yourself, and talk to many of us that are willing to listen and share. There is an Alain Delon waiting for you, too.

Alfredo's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Alain Delon
________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Steve

Steve, age 11

Mt. Vernon, Illinois (1979)

As a chubby gay kid growing up in the midwest, I learned how to perform - mostly because I couldn't run fast. In this picture I'm proudly displaying a cheerleading pose I'd recently learned at practice. Yes, I was a cheerleader for our grade school boys and girls basketball team.

"Ready? OK!  Roll call, sha-boom. Check, check sha-boom."

Not only was I a cheerleader, I was also the Captain of the squad - which was more of a popularity issue and less of a 'Can you do the splits?' issue. I couldn't do the splits, but I was freaking funny, and apparently that was enough.

I first knew I was attracted to men one summer at We Wo Se Je, a Christian based bible camp in the middle of the woods. I spent a whole week in a cabin with 8 other pre-teen boys and one very hunky counselor, who was all of 15 at the time. I remember faking like I was sick one night so I could sleep on the bottom bunk with him. Although all we did was sleep, it was shear heaven for me. Thank God for bible camp!

Sure, I was subjected to the usual barrage of name calling and such. However, I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where I was encouraged to be myself.
A rare treasure in the economically depressed hills of Southern Illinois.

Without the love of my mother, I would have never made it through this initial step of going against the norm. She went on to make it possible for me to bear the burden of starring in school plays, speech and acting team tournaments, dying my hair purple. And, wearing vintage pajamas adorned with costume jewelry to high school. 

When I look back on this picture now, I realize I was just on the precipice of the path to true self discovery. I'm still on that path, and it's taken many directions in the years that have passed. However, I keep embracing each day and strive to make it better than the day before.

Because, it does get better and it starts with yourself.

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Tom Wopat & John Schneider ("The Dukes of Hazzard")
Love me some "Duke Boys"!
____________________________________________________

Todd

Todd, age 4

Hollywood, California (1967)

I've seen home movies of me as a small boy, fearlessly singing and dancing for the family. My parents thought I had enough charisma to be on TV, so they took me to Hollywood to get some headshots done. All I can remember is that I was breathless traveling to Tinseltown, because I was certain that we would run into Ginger from "Gilligan’s Island."

“My parents thought I had the pizazz to make it in showbiz”

We didn't see Ginger, but I did meet Grandpa Munster (Al Lewis) at Universal Studios. And I cried for hours, because he was green and old and kissed me on the cheek.

Putting that tragedy behind me, I continued to perform and got my big break at an audition for Ron Moody's production of "OLIVER!"

Walking into the space at the Ahmanson Theater in Downtown LA, and seeing all the other little boys who loved to sing and dance - I thought I was in Heaven.

Around the same time, I had a Technicolor dream that could have been directed by artist Ed Ruscha: I was at a gas station and the terrifically tall & tan attendant came out sans shirt, and picked me up and held me tight against his chest. This time, I really was in Heaven (at least in my dreams).

Around 13, I was seriously concerned about going to Hell. I had a growing obsession with a clandestine collection of "dirty" Playgirl, spending endless hours fascinated by naked "older" men. Searching for a cure, I decided to get baptized.

I burned my magazines on the backyard Hibachi and listened for hours to 18-year-old Elder Fiddle, a spiritual guide who told me baptism could get me into Heaven. I thought God would take care of the gay, and I could move on.

After Elder Fiddle dunked me, I emerged from the water thinking everything would be different. But when we went back to the changing room together, my spiritual guide was compelled to strip down buck naked and stand in front of me.

At my height, I had never seen anything more beautiful. And I remember thinking, 'Well, THAT didn't work.'

I bided my time until I was 18 and fled to New York City, where I fell in love with a classmate on the dancefloor at Studio 54. We were together for 8 years, but I didn’t come out until my mid-20's. It was then that I moved to the other side of the camera, discovering that I had more talent writing and directing, instead of performing. As we all know, a first love is a mixture of Heaven AND Hell, and I learned a lot about life, myself, and my desires.

I have now been with the man of my dreams for 20 glorious years, and I can say with confidence and a clear conscience: I never knew Heaven could speak.

Todd's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Jeff Bridges (in "Rancho Deluxe" & "Hearts Of The West")
______________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Dare

Dare, age 4

Arcadia, California (1986)

So here I am at age 4. I got into my mom's make-up one morning and went to town.

Even at this young age, I was really into Depeche Mode, The Cure, Adam Ant, and of course Siouxsie Sioux.

I guess the story goes that my mom was running late for work, and so we didn't have time to clean me up.

So I actually went to preschool like this. My favorite part, is note my dog's choke chain I chose as a belt.

While my mom was frustrated, I remember she couldn't help but snap this photo.


And looking back, I did a pretty good job on the lips. So queer...
And punk rock realness.

I can't say I felt different here. But it wasn't long after, because I actually remember feeling different in kindergarten, which I guess was a year later.

I started chasing boys a little too much - and a little too long - at Light & Life Christian School! ;)
____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

John

John, age 6 months
Cleveland, Ohio (1965)

As a kid, I was always into performing. Acting, playing piano, pretending. I just remember always loving the spotlight! All through high school and college, I was very involved in theater, choir, and any other music related activities.

I think I felt different around age 12 but I didn’t know why.

All through school (Catholic school AND college), I just felt strange and didn’t know why.

It wasn’t until age 22 that I realized I was gay, and not until age 25 that I accepted it.


I LOVE this picture of me and often refer to it as my first headshot!

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:

David W. Harper (Jim Bob on "The Waltons")

Jim Bob was during grade school. After that, John Erik Hexum ... sigh
_________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Steve

Steve, age 9

Pocatello, Idaho (1970)

Here, I just turned 9 and our Cub Scout den is putting on a pageant for the Catholics, at the local Knights Of Columbus hall. I liked Cub Scouts a lot, and loved earning merit badges - especially the ones involving cooking or writing.
I particularly liked dressing up in the uniform; twisting my kerchief just so, positioning the blue and gold metal neckerchief slide, and fastening the clasp on my shiny brass belt buckle.

But I liked tonight’s dress-up attire even better. I got to play a knight in the pageant, and Mom and I designed an elaborate costume that is sure to be a hit with the audience.

And Voila! - I'm now the gayest knight Columbus never had. Neither of us thought this at the time, of course. That awareness would come later.

After the photo shoot, Mom called Dad in to show off our handiwork.
He wasn't pleased to see his son in tights, glowing orange or otherwise.

I flash to another night, two years earlier. Mom helped me dress as a Barbie doll for Halloween. I've never forgotten the look on my father's face when he saw me. He pulled Mom into their bedroom, but I heard every word of their fight.

That was the night I understood I'd never be the son he imagined I would be.

Dad refused to let me leave the house until I had changed into 'the kind of costume boys should wear.' I could see that Mom had been crying, which made me start to cry. She calmed me with her soft voice, telling me she had a better idea anyway. And in no time she transformed me from Barbie into Casper the Friendly Ghost.

But on this night, I hope my father sees past the tights, to acknowledge this costume in service of something masculine: the brave warrior armed for battle.

I'm age 50 now, with 30 of those years spent with the man I love. I no longer cover my face in service of masculinity. Rather, masculinity serves me. My father remains mired in 1960, still worshiping some ghost of a son that will never materialize, and unaware of the one who survived.

But I have only gratitude:
After all, he made it possible for me to be born this way. 

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crush:

David Cassidy (Keith on "The Partridge Family")
He was singing "I Think I Love You" directly to me. Check out the lyrics - reminiscent of 70's-era same-sex love.
______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Eddie

Eddie, age 8
Fontana, CA (1987)

For my First Communion, all the boys were instructed to be dressed in black & white suits, and all of the girls were to be dressed in little white dresses with lace veils. By this age I knew I was gay, and most definitely was drawn to the art of self expression. I told my dad that what they wanted me to wear was 'Boring, lacking uniqueness, and not very colorful.' After he toned down my original ideas, I compromised with an acceptable suit for the special day. Here I am in it with the priests - and a big proud smile as an accessory.

"My First Communion"

According to my family, my gay qualities were very apparent from a young age. I was lucky enough to be raised by two gay dads, and it just so happens I'm gay too.

My dad used to tell me about dinner parties they would have. He said when I was around 4, I cascaded down our staircase one night with a towel wrapped on my head, as if wearing a "big hair" wig.

I went to each of my dad's dinner guests to give them a kiss goodnight on the cheek and make my final goodbyes, as it was my bedtime.

After I went back upstairs, everybody looked at my dad with shock and asked him, 'What in the world are you teaching him?'

Of course, my dad spent the rest of my childhood laughing and explaining that all of my "grandiose" ways, were most certainly self-taught.

On the day of this pic, not only did I receive my first communion (which I was very excited for), but I also realized I could be a little different without much of a hassle from others. Either nobody cared - or my pride blinded the care they had. That day very much was a part of the puzzle which makes me who I am today.

If only I could share the VHS tape I have of that day. My dads had a party for me and my Uncle Steve and Aunt Mendi were there with their new video camera - and boy did I put on a show for that camera!

I started off by doing my infamous Dolly Parton impersonation, moving on to a "western" improv play with friends. I played a busty saloon owner who gets held up and robbed by a group of traveling outlaw cowboys who just rode into town. And yes, I was only 8 years old.  

Today I'm a proud gay man, with a very loving partner.
And I'm proud to say, 'I was born this way!'

Joshua

Joshua, age 7

Bradenton, Florida (1987)

I was a child who was very much in my own world. Spending most of my time drawing mermaids and princesses, I had a hard time focusing at school. I got made fun of a lot for being a girl because most of my recesses were spent playing house, trying to cartwheel, or wishing I was brave enough climb and sit on top of the monkey bars. I coped by retreating into my head, which I was very happy in, but resulted in a lot of strange outward behavior. I guess I was an odd kid.

"Easter Sunday portraits were always a good opportunity to
dress up, eat peeps, go to church - and VOGUE!"

This photo was taken on Easter Sunday before my family went to church.
I remember my mom bought us all new outfits for the occasion and needless to say - I felt very chic. I remember wanting this picture to count - so I told my sister Bethany (the one closest to me) how to pose, and then I struck one myself. I don't think my parents had any idea what I was doing. They're still relatively unfazed by this picture, and I think they're just "used to me."

I didn't fully come out until I was in my mid 20's. I was brought up in a very conservative Christian home and it took a long time for me to fully separate myself from that. I don't remember not "feeling different" though. I was obviously a very flamboyant child and I never really fit in anywhere.

I am incredibly proud of this picture. Even though I was a little late to "come out" I was always pretty fearless about expressing myself and my interests.

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

"Marky Mark" Wahlberg, Joel West, & Marcus Schenkenberg.

Obviously, I liked the 90's male models.
___________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Brett

Brett, age 7

Lima, Ohio (1970)

Here I am in my Easter finery sitting next to my beautiful Mother. Please note the scowl on my face. I am furious – FURIOUS!  I am adorned with that plain white carnation, the most blasé of the boutonnières, while Mother is wearing the most GORGEOUS violet corsage I have ever seen.

When we were all preparing to go to Mass and the flowers came out, I could not understand for the life of me why Mother got to wear that corsage and I was stuck with that plain carnation.

"Violets Stir the Green-Eyed Monster"

I really pitched a fit about it and I sulked through the Easter Sunday Mass and possibly even after we got home. 

I guess I learned early on that life is not always fair. 

I enjoyed playing Barbies with my sister, and the feel of their long hair. I would brush my best friend Molly’s hair every day after school.

And I loved being in nature.
I was not interested in sports or other “masculine” things.

I look at that picture fondly now. My mother was so beautiful and impeccably dressed, and I look dapper despite the pout. 

I came out so early for my generation; I was 15 when I announced I was gay
(in 1977 - at a Catholic high school!) and it was such a wonderfully freeing experience. To be able to match a name to all those feelings that signaled I was different from the other boys. 

I recall being particularly captivated by a swim team coach about the time this picture was taken. He was blond, had washboard abs, and was rocking a tiny Speedo - as we all did on swim teams at that time.

I am happy to say that I had a very positive experience during high school and my friends all took the news quite well.

Brett's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Dr. Race Bannon ("Johnny Quest" cartoon)
Sean Connery ("James Bond")

Jan-Michael Vincent ("The World's Greatest Athlete")
______________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Shanna

Shanna, age 8

San Bernardino, CA (1988)

I was either dressed up for Church (creepy!) or a city-wide oratorical contest (geeky!).

Or did I wear a bow-tie to the contest?

A long and awkward attempt at hetero-conformity followed this freedom.

Then I realized I was a lesbian at 19 while at a conservative Christian college.

And I realized that I was butch a few years later.


Shanna's first, same sex crush:

My 1st grade teacher, a prim Lutheran with a practical grey/blonde bouffant.

Waiyde

Waiyde, age 5
Indianapolis, Indiana (1966)

Late spring. Easter celebration. Irish-Catholics love to wear white during Easter. This was the year I knew I was different. I'd always felt like I had more feelings than my rough 'n tumble cousins and brothers. I liked to paint, color, make up stories, and I was precocious and reading by the time I was age 4.

"Please note my jaunty ascot/necktie action and my oh so ready to contemplate
the world and fashion dreamy stare into space. I am 5 - and queer"

I used to look at this photo (and others like it) and wonder just how this sweet-faced boy turned into such a rough-assed, punk rock, fight/f*ck, queer man.

But - I now know that much of that was an undiscussed reaction to all the homophobic commentary my 'sensitive' nature evoked from my fellows.

Today, I look at this photo of me, and I think that this boy is still inside me -
and I quite like him being a part of me.

Waiyde's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Cartoon Crush - Race Bannon on "Johnny Quest"
Race was always shirtless and attentively at Dr. Quest's side and I thought they were a couple and Johnny & Haji were their kids. No women on that show, ever. When I told my older brother about it at 6, he laughed and told me no one lived like that and I was stupid. Little did he know, right?

Human Crush - Robert Conrad on "The Wild, Wild West"

He was ripped, furry, butch as f*ck in super tight pants and often half naked and loved to fight. He reminded me of the crazy sexy Black-Irish types that populated my family & neighborhood, whose white skin was always peppered w/freckles and dusted w/dark hair on well developed working-class chests and stomachs. Super dreamy.
_____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet