January 10, 2011


Waiyde, age 5
Indianapolis, Indiana (1966)

Late spring. Easter celebration. Irish-Catholics love to wear white during Easter. This was the year I knew I was different. I'd always felt like I had more feelings than my rough 'n tumble cousins and brothers. I liked to paint, color, make up stories, and I was precocious and reading by the time I was age 4.

"Please note my jaunty ascot/necktie action and my oh so ready to contemplate
the world and fashion dreamy stare into space. I am 5 - and queer"

I used to look at this photo (and others like it) and wonder just how this sweet-faced boy turned into such a rough-assed, punk rock, fight/f*ck, queer man.

But - I now know that much of that was an undiscussed reaction to all the homophobic commentary my 'sensitive' nature evoked from my fellows.

Today, I look at this photo of me, and I think that this boy is still inside me -
and I quite like him being a part of me.

Waiyde's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Cartoon Crush - Race Bannon on "Johnny Quest"
Race was always shirtless and attentively at Dr. Quest's side and I thought they were a couple and Johnny & Haji were their kids. No women on that show, ever. When I told my older brother about it at 6, he laughed and told me no one lived like that and I was stupid. Little did he know, right?

Human Crush - Robert Conrad on "The Wild, Wild West"
He was ripped, furry, butch as f*ck in super tight pants and often half naked and loved to fight. He reminded me of the crazy sexy Black-Irish types that populated my family & neighborhood, whose white skin was always peppered w/freckles and dusted w/dark hair on well developed working-class chests and stomachs. Super dreamy.

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jennifer Jonassen said...

this is a beautiful picture!

Spence said...

Yeah, that's pretty much my story, just change Mormon for Catholic. I also thought I was more sensitive then the other boys, and was puzzled by their hardness. But now I play rugby and rock it every chance I get.

E.l.M. said...

Great for-real commentary.
Almost missed the "jaunty ascot/necktie" - thanks for drawing my attention you your detail.