Alex

Alex, age 3
Baltimore, MD (1990)

When I was a little girl, my mother loved to dress me up in Laura Ashley dresses, elaborate bows, and shiny saddle shoes. And I resisted, hard. I was content wearing my older brother's hand me down clothes, and play catch with him and my dad. My less-than-amused look says it all.

"The dress works fine, but let's save it for my girlfriend next time."

Indeed, I had tomboyish streaks growing up, but I've always been kind of an old-school fag at heart. Mom instilled in me a love for dance music, fine dress, and meticulous grooming - though she may not love how I present myself now.

My dad forced me to watch AMC, where I discovered a bevy of effete "bachelor" characters in glamorous old films, who were my idols. My favorite character on the legendary "The Kids In The Hall" was (and always will be) Scott Thompson's inimitable swish, Buddy Cole.

When I came out at 13, I embarked on a journey in search of identity comfort. As a Catholic school girl in a single-sex environment, I felt pressure to be feminine. When I got to college, I attempted stone butch. Then God help me - I had a sneaker phase. 10 years after my foray into faggotry, I'm happy and comfortable with ambiguity.

And I delight in answering to, "Are you a boy or a girl?"

Nothing is ever easy when people view you as different. It takes a while to get to a good place, and 99% of the time it's a terrible and arduous process. It can tear people apart, cause unimaginable pain, and seem like it's taking forever.

But nothing is more "worth it" than feeling comfortable in one's own skin.
Or wingtips. Or stilettos. You know what I mean.

And, as for floral dresses and shiny shoes? ISO W4W.

Alexandra's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Sofia Coppola (in "The Godfather, Part III")

Even at that age I knew the movie was terrible, but Sofia was BEAUTIFUL!
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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 11

Randle, Washington (1993)

Growing up in a small town the size of a highway was never easy. Boys definitely played boy roles, and girls played girl roles. And I was caught in the middle, and always felt closer with girls my whole life. I also felt I had to be a girl in order to be with a boy, and I didn't know what "gay" was. I had that feeling until age 11, and then my mindset changed, and I finally stopped asking God why.

I figured out that I liked who I was, and I could be with a boy and stay a boy. I never felt like I was a girl, so why change that?

I was always teased because I was much more feminine than anyone else in my school.

I always tried to act tougher, but it was never me, nor did it fool anybody. And when I tried to change who I was, it only made things worse.

But along with the teasing, threats ruled my life. I came home from school many times crying, running into my mother's arms. And, asking her what a "f*g" was.

I'm lucky that my mom and dad were always there for me. Maybe it's because they saw what I went through daily, or that I had a bit more skip to my step.

Now every step I take is with my head held high, instead of looking towards the ground and hoping nobody screams anymore names at me. 

All the good and the bad from my childhood made me the man who I am today, and I love that person. I left that small town and now live in San Francisco, where I can walk down any street holding my partner's hand without fear.

In the near future we hope to adopt and expand our family, and we've been chatting about it on our blog, DaddiesJourney. In the end, it was all worth it.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (on "Saved By The Bell")

I remember growing up and dreaming about Slater
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Joshua

Joshua, age 7

San Diego, California (1991)

This picture says a mouthful of words to me. I remember growing up, I always felt different. At first I thought it was just because I was an entertainer. I was the kid always hosting the family parties and putting on a show.

When I got older I realized that I didn't really have many male friends, and I always wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger - LOL!

I didn't have a gender-identity issue, I just knew I was a bit more "girly".

Then I saw George Michael's "Faith" video on VH1 before school one day, and it all made sense. That cowboy boot upon the jukebox drove me insane!

George made me all tingly inside, and those swaying hips made me swoon. Oh, how I just wanted to run my young fingertips through that greasy hair!

It all makes sense that I was born this way. And helped form the me of today:
International Drag Superstar, Rhea Litre'

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Michael

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Karin

Karin, age 4

Sacramento, California (1964)

My mom made me this Mary Poppins costume, and I loved it so much, I slept in it. Mary Poppins flirted with Bert, but I was always sure it wasn’t serious. Mary happily lived alone, refused to take directions from men, and as far as I'm concerned, she is more than my first crush - she's my blueprint for life.

I wanted to be the way she was in the world, plus I wanted to be practically perfect in every way.

I thought Julie Andrews was quite wonderful, but Mary was the one I loved.

From early on, I knew I didn't want men ruling my life. But it wasn't until I was a teenager I realized it wasn’t about men at all - it was about women.

Women are awesome.

I've always liked love stories, and once wrote a story about a young girl who saves a troubled Queen from a terrible marriage. They run away together and live happily ever after. If my 5th-grade teacher thought that was strange, she didn't say so. Maybe because on the outside I looked so normal.

I liked Barbies and Mary Poppins and pretty clothes. I was as normal as normal could be, except for the not ever dating boys part. And while I was publicly very crushed out on Bobby Sherman's dreamy eyes, my heart, body and soul belonged to Batgirl. As Julie Gordon, she was a librarian; and as Batgirl she rode a purple motorcycle and fought in those great boots. Unlike Bobby Sherman, she gave me serious tingles.

This photo reminds me of that conviction that I could make the world the way I liked it. Just like Mary Poppins did, even if I couldn't sing or slide up a banister. And in that world I would be the kind of normal I was born to be.

Turns out my normal is being a lesbian, a girly-girl who likes girls, a mom,
a romantic, and a writer. But it doesn’t include being practically perfect in every way. Alas...

Karin's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Julie Andrews ("Mary Poppins")

Yvonne Craig (Batgirl on "Batman")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jeff

Jeff, age 10

Wichita, Kansas (1971)

I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to other guys. Lucky for me, my little sister had a Barbie Dream House and a stack of Tiger Beat magazines.

"I loved Abba!"

In grade school, I hated sports. The other boys used to make fun of me for preferring art class instead of football.

I finally joined the track team, to please my mom and convince my friends that I was somewhat masculine.

HATED IT...

Being gay was completely unacceptable in my family in the 1970's.

So I spent my youth hiding my true feelings, and trying to please everyone but myself.


In my late teens, I was wracked with the desire to be with another young man, but had no idea how to go about it without blowing my cover.

Luckily, I had met a gay man when I was 17. He spent the next three years trying to convince me that I was gay, despite my complete and utter denial.

I accepted his invitation to visit California that summer, and landed right in the middle of the gayest place in the USA! I came out at the 1983 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. I will never forget "What A Feeling" by Irene Cara, blaring loudly from a parade-float full of shirtless men in the middle of Market Street!

Jeff's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Donny Osmond

His black hair and pearly white teeth filled me with such desire.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Marco

Marco, age 5

Chianciano Terme, Italy (1961)

This photo was taken during summer, at a café table in a spa town in Italy.
My mom, dad, and my brother and I all sat in these very modern, 1960's chrome chairs. However, I was the only one who crossed my legs - and, I must admit, in a very flirtatious way! When I was a child, I loved all the female singers that were popular in my country, but with the secret desire to be like them!

I am certain that nobody "becomes homosexual," and many of our childhood behaviors, events, and choices are revealing.

Except to our parents, who almost always do not capture the true meaning of it all.

Rather, they document it precisely with the opposite intention: to normalize what would otherwise be seen as embarrassing.

Many of us understood very well what was going on, even if we didn't have the tools to express it.

As children, we almost never censor ourselves, putting forth those features which, when older, we would be ashamed of. I knew it all from very early on, and even if I thought it was wrong, I couldn't be any other way. So I spent a lot of thoughts and energy that could have been better spent otherwise. If only my feelings didn't have obstacles back then.

Seeing this picture now, I think: Wasn't it so obvious that I was gay from the beginning?! My mother knew and would ask me occasionally during my 20's, but I didn't actually admit it and come out to her until age 45. To my surprise, she was very happy and said, "Didn't you think you could have told me before?"
So I'm happy I got to tell her, before she died.

So, my message to all young gay people now is:
Tell it without fear - because your photos will tell it anyway...

As for my first, famous-person same sex crush?
Wow, I don't remember, it was 50 years ago!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Dennis

Dennis, age 8

San Diego, CA (1973)

In the pic on the right, that's me as a freshman at NYU in 1983. When I rediscovered this pic some time ago, I laughed for days. It would still be 20 years after that when I'd really come out of the closet. Before that happened, I served on a Mormon mission to Brazil, got married in the Mormon temple, had 4 kids, and continued pretending I was straight.

I don't remember the context of that dorm room picture, but it definitely seems Freudian or symbolic somehow. Why did I pretend I was coming out of a closet? Of course, I knew I was gay at the time. All my classmates were coming out, yet my smile belies the terror that I actually felt inside. My family and religious community would never accept me unconditionally as a gay man, and I knew it.

But how did I think I was fooling anyone? I was enamored with Timothy Hutton, the band Loverboy (mostly because of that album cover showing the butt in red leather pants), and I loved all things theater, especially musical theater. New York City welcomed me in its loving, understanding embrace, yet fear still made me to reject a very fundamental part of myself for years to come.

Even coming out 20 years later, I was right about the non-acceptance of my family and church community. But true peace really only comes by living on the outside in a manner consistent with how you feel on the inside. It feels incredible to finally have that. And my advice is do it sooner, rather than later.

Dennis' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Timothy Hutton (in "Ordinary People")

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Tae

Tae, age 5

New York, NY (1988)

I don't remember taking this photo, nor do I remember the story behind it. Was the fan just lying around the room? Who's idea was it to include it in the photo? Did my pose come naturally to me, or was I coerced by some older cousin who thought it'd be funny? Most of that day's details remain fuzzy, but what I can confirm, is that this was taken while on vacation in Seoul, South Korea.

It's interesting how the brain works, but I have a lot more morose childhood memories than happy ones. I had terrible anxiety and really low self esteem back then, with a constant underlying sense of unhappiness at all times.

Stumbling on this photo a few years ago took me aback, because I actually seem really happy in it. Sure, I have other childhood photos of me smiling, but they're few and far between.

I naturally smile with a slight smirk, so this ear-to-ear grin going on makes me take note.

Growing up, I don’t think I fully understood that I was different. At least not until I graduated from high school. I was always a natural recluse, and feeling incompatible with the people around me was something I grew accustomed to.

But I have grown tremendously since then, and now I am so much more comfortable and happy in my own skin. Coming out to my friends (and more recently to my family) has helped a lot, because I finally feel like I can move on to the next chapter of my life. Chapters which I document on my own blog.

Not everyone is going to accept who I am, but I now know that has nothing to do with me, and has more to do with that person's issues. If a person can't understand the fundamental idea that people are born different, then there's not much else I can do for them, until they come to that realization.

As a kid, it was easy to feel helpless and like I had no way to escape. But I'm happy to say that as an adult, that's where I take all my accumulated learning lessons and use them as tools for life. Wisdom really does come with age, and that's enough for me to have something to look forward to every morning.

Claire

Claire, age 8

Atlanta, GA (1984)

This picture is of me hanging out at my Uncle's house on a Saturday afternoon, watching UGA football with him and my cousins.

The cowboy hat and boots belonged to my Uncle, and he let me wear them all day. I thought I was hot stuff!

I loved being around my older cousins, too! They were so awesome.

And I can honestly say that I was born this way!

And the best part, is that I was born into a wonderfully loving family who accepts me for who I am.

Claire's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Linda Carter (as "Wonder Woman")

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Magno

Magno, age 10

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (1994)

As a little boy, I was often mistaken for a girl. Not only by school mates who didn't know me well, but also sometimes people on the street. I suspect it was because of my skinny build and my long, bushy hair. My father wanted it kept short, but he'd let me grow it for months before eventually forcing me to trim it.

I also had a very "girly" voice. Some other kids' parents advised me to try and sound more masculine when I spoke, and when I tried to explain to them that my voice sounded that way naturally, they just frowned at me.

I had a best girl-friend in my building who had lots of toys and dolls, and whenever the kids gathered together to play with her stuff, I would always pick the Barbies.

The good thing about coming across as gay so young, is that you never really have to hide or disguise anything. There's no such thing as a "coming out," since people already see you're different, and treat you as such.

The terrible thing about it, is that owing to being different and gay meant dealing with a lot of bullying, confusion, and suffering. I was called "gay" or "f*ggot" often, all before I was even able to fully understand what being gay means.

I went through hell during my school years, and it wasn't until about age 17 that things began to change a bit. That was when I decided there was nothing wrong with me. If people weren't OK with me being gay (be it family members, friends, whoever), then to hell with them.

My advice to young gay kids: School years can be hard, and I suspect they were even harder when I was your age. There weren't any support groups fighting to end the bullying, as there is now. But eventually, all that pain will be gone.

I learned to accept myself the way I am, and learned not to care about other people's opinion about my sexuality.

Magno's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Macaulay Culkin (in "Home Alone") & Elijah Wood

Shannon

Shannon, age 10

Hamilton, Indiana (1983)

Here I am on my first of many motorcycles, in all of my moto glory! I had an older brother I idolized and was raised on a lake, in a neighborhood of boys. Clearly I wanted to be one! I suppose my parents wrote it off as self-preservation at the time, but I knew deep down it was my truth bubbling to the surface.

I played with dolls too, but I was often the "spouse" who kissed my significant other goodbye in the morning, tousled the doll's hair, and whistled as I headed out the door with my proverbial briefcase.

My Mom sent this picture to me about 5 years ago with a note that read:
"I suppose we should have seen it coming..." I called her then and we had a good laugh about what we both overlooked at the time. Being raised in the Midwest in the 80s/90s didn’t allow for much diversity. And being gay wasn't an option.

I love that my parents bought me dolls, motorcycles, and anything else that seemed important to me. Whether they knew it or not, they gave me a safe, loving environment to discover my true self. It took me well into adulthood to figure it all out, but at the end of the day I thanked my parents for their unconditional love.

I came out when I was 30 and one of my friends said it was 'too easy' for me.
I had parents who continued to love me unconditionally, friends who were accepting, and I worked for a gay-friendly company in San Francisco at the time.

In hindsight it may have looked easy, but I went through years of torment;
I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Sure I kissed the little boys on the playground like everyone else, but I was secretly longing for my 2nd grade teacher. She was beautiful, smart, and confident. And all I really wanted was to stay inside during recess and be in her presence.

My path was full of batons, tap shoes, motorcycles, dolls, and Hot Wheels and I wouldn’t trade any of those, because each experience made me who I am today.
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John

John, age 4

Pikeville, N. Carolina (1984)

I always felt different as a kid, but never knew why. I was described as "sweet, loving, empathetic, artistic" - later realizing all those words were code for gay.
I was the middle child of five, with two older sisters and two younger sisters. My childhood was spent playing dress up and putting on impromptu fashion shows with my sisters. I always loved dolls and girly things, but knew it was wrong and was something to hide. Growing up a devout Mormon didn't help the matter.

When I was finally old enough to realize I was "a gay," I immediately turned to self loathing and entered a deep depression.

I prayed for God to change me, and tried to avoid thoughts of other guys. At 17, I realized I could not change who I am, nor could not 'pray the gay away.'

Not knowing there was a world out there that could accept me for who I was, I tried to take my own life.

I was admitted to the hospital and kept for two weeks in a mental ward. It was there that I came out to my first person. It was a therapist, who on the final day of my stay, came into my room and said she knew I was holding something back.

I burst into tears and said:
'I'm gay, and I think I'm going to hell.'

I was so hoping to hear from her what I felt in my heart, such as, "No, you are a good person, that's what counts. Your actions define who you are, not who you are attracted to." All I wanted was a little reassurance, some understanding and comfort. Instead she said, "Now is the time you should turn to God. Now is the time to pray." I smiled and nodded, but I knew she was wrong.

At that moment, I realized that any God who would condemn me for something I could not control, was no God of mine. I left the hospital renewed in my self worth. I was weeks from my 18th birthday, and finally felt like there was a chance for me to be happy. I came out to others, and each time regardless of their reaction, I came to accept myself a little more.

Today I am a 31-year old man with a bright life and a positive outlook. All my struggles have given me the character and strength to overcome obstacles that would easily derail others. I love myself and know that I am not defined by my sexual orientation. I am lucky enough to have a family who accepts me (now), and a sister who is also gay, and she's an inspiration to me.

I hope anyone reading this can realize that they are special and worthy of love, no matter who they are. Our world is changing for the better, and each new day gives me renewed hope for the future. Life is good, and it is definitely worth living, even when things seem the bleakest. So hang in there! It gets better!!!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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Maureen

Maureen, age 9

Pasadena, California (1957)

I'm here on the right with my BFF Cheryl, who I realized much later, was my "girlfriend". We're snuggled up together here, and we used to hug and kiss every time we met. At our age in that era, people thought it was "cute". I really loved her, and asked my folks if we could adopt her, even though she had parents.

She was my first real "crush" - and though I didn't know why, the way I loved her was "different". Several years later, my next crush in high school was recognized for what it was by the nuns. And my parents got a letter informing them that my classes had been changed, due to an "inappropriate friendship," and my dad didn't know what that meant.

But here, with Cheryl, I knew I was in love and it felt wonderful.

In the 1950's, no one used the word "gay" yet, and I didn't know what a "homosexual" was. But I usually had at least one "girl-crush" every school year. And by the time I was in 9th grade, in an all-girls Catholic school, all the girls would get together and giggle about boys - and I would be looking at them.

Today, as I look at this photo, I wish what I felt then had been recognizable and accepted. After a marriage, kids, abuse, and a nervous breakdown, I finally came out to myself and others at age 48. At that time, I had met the love of my life, and she was a transgendered woman.

Now, I am a Witch and a Unitarian Universalist. My church recognizes same-sex unions, so I married my wife 15 years ago. Today, I am happily settled with my life partner, openly gay, and Pagan. And with children (from the first, disastrous marriage) and grandkids who love and accept Mamo and Nana for who they are.

After all the angst I experienced, I would like to tell gay kids that it definitely gets better.

Maureen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Audrey Hepburn
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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