March 09, 2011

Brooke

Brooke, age 3
Richfield, Minnesota (1992)

This is one of the rare girly pictures I have of myself. It was Halloween.

I was always a friendly kid. In daycare, there were a lot of girls, so I'd volunteer to take the role of Ken, or play "house" as the dad.

I loved rough-housing and playing in the dirt with the boys.

I have two older sisters, so I had to hold my own, therefore I was more muscular than most girls my age. I played with Legos and idolized the princesses in Disney movies. I hated when my sisters tried dressing me up, which they did often

But I got teased a lot for being a "tomboy" by EVERYONE, including my family.

I always knew I was different, but had no idea why. I just felt more like a boy.
I always have. But I didn't really realize how different I felt, or what it really was, until I was a freshman in high school.

I slowly just realized over time that I really liked the way girls looked, and then it transitioned into me wanting to kiss them, and more. My high school German teacher was my first legitimate same-sex "real person" crush.

I had posters of women up in my room, but I always put pictures of men up too, so it didn't seem too weird to my parents. It didn't seem weird to me!

I really love Amanda Palmer from the Dresden Dolls, too.
She was so influential in my adolescence.

I'm 21 now, and I'm still not out to my family. It's a work in progress. I know they'll be accepting, but it’s just that general coming-out fear that's difficult getting over. I'm planning on coming out before my 22nd birthday.

I have wonderful and supportive friends that understand me, and I'm very grateful for having them in my life. They've guided me in the right direction and taught me so many things.

I'm happy being me. I wouldn't change it for the world!  

Brooke's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Rachel Weisz
I loved watching her in "The Mummy." She was so dreamy!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Michael

Michael, age 5
Ontario, Canada (1982)

Here I am on the front lawn of my childhood home. Behind me is the Blue Spruce tree my parents had planted years earlier. I have fond memories of playing in our yard, and smelling the sweet summer air. It would only be a few years later when I'd come to understand that I was different from the other boys.

My first crush was on a camp counselor one year at summer camp. I also had a crush on Morten Harket from the band A-ha. The video for "Take On Me" would have me transfixed to the TV screen.

After a fairly happy childhood, I soon experienced cruel high school taunts and violence, because I identified as gay.

Thankfully, I got through it all, and now live an open and successful life.



To those who are struggling today, I would ask that you remember that you are entitled to live your life in an honest and fulfilling way. No one has the right to take that from you. It's your world, too.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Morten Harket (singer in A-Ha)
______________________________________________________
Brodsky Tune (Album Version)Lesbian and Gay Rights in Canada: Social Movements and Equality-Seeking, 1971-1995The Tricky Part: A boy's story of sexual trespass, a man's journey to forgivenessAnd It Was Full of Light!: Finding the courage to overcome homophobic bullying and hate

Ross

Ross, age 7
Greencastle, Pennsylvania (1976)

Since I was 5 or 6, I thought about kissing boys. Sure, that sounds a little early, but I was brought up in a strict Mormon family, and we had to prepare early for our "Forever Families." My preparation wasn't exactly what they had in mind.

This picture was taken for Halloween. My sister had been going to beauty school, and it was her idea to make me into a girl for the evening.

Practicing makeup on someone is one thing, but she went so far as to make the blouse and skirt to boot.

At the school's Halloween party, everyone just stared at me wondering: "Why didn't that stupid girl get a costume?"

Good times...

I wasn't a girly boy, but I wasn't a boy's boy either. So fitting in with other kids wasn't really an option.

We moved a lot (around the world), and I made friends here and there.

But nobody in my family or church prepared me to deal with the homophobia that hit left and right.

I really envy the kids of today. I met a guy the other day that came out when he was 16, and his family didn't bat an eye.

But to the kids that still have the narrow-minded families and churches to deal with, I tell 'em this:

Be true to yourself. You're the only one that's ever going to make yourself happy. Don't rely on loved ones or God to be true to yourself. Rely on yourself and respect life, and you'll grow into someone pretty awesome.

Currently, I'm a return ex-Mormon missionary with a partner of 19 years.
And life is good. It's like Grandma Moses said, "Life is what you make of it.
Always has been, always will be."

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Tracey

Tracey, age 8
Algonquin, IL (1978)

I have no memory of being an A.A.Y.O. Pixie, but I remember this red baseball cap. A friend of my dad's came to the house, and my brother and I were outside.

"How old are your sons?" he asked. Horrified, my father demanded I never wear that cap again. 'But Daaaaad, why not?' I whined.

And he replied, "Boys wear baseball hats. You don't want people thinking you're a boy, do you?'

For the first time, I realized that my brother and I were not the same. And that my life would be different, because I was a girl.
I felt wrong. I felt "other." 

Over the years, I experienced this feeling of "otherness" over and over again.

I was not femme, but I was not butch. I was "gifted" but I was not a nerd. I was introverted, but I was a clown. I loved playing Atari and Hot Wheels, and watching "Scooby Doo," "The Muppet Show," and "The Facts of Life."

I worshiped Princess Leia from "Star Wars" because she carried a gun, and helped Han and Luke escape from Darth Vader. I rode my bike everywhere and was terrified of dolls. I read too much and did not care about clothes. My best friend was my dog - and she did not mind that I liked to wear baseball caps or had crushes on other girls.

Sometimes I wish my parents had taught me that a girl playing with Star Wars action figures was not shameful. Or, that liking other girls "that way" really did not make me different. It turns out that the desire to play with boys' toys at the androgynous age of 8 is completely normal - and so is being a lesbian.

What I would love most in the world, is for young LGBT kids to understand that there is no need for them to feel "other" now. Because those who try to make them feel different, are just generally uneducated and afraid.

I want them to realize that no matter people's gender or sexual orientation, there is no other. Because we are all fundamentally the same. 

Tracy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Lindsay Wagner ("The Bionic Woman")
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The Bionic Woman: Season Two Diamonds Are a Dyke's Best Friend: Reflections, Reminiscences, and Reports from the Field on the Lesbian National Pastime Androgyny in Modern Literature Femininity, Masculinity, and Androgyny (Littlefield, Adams Quality Paperback Series)

James

James, age 4
Manila, Philippines (1988)

I was the only baby boy in the family, and I was raised well by my mother, my grandmother, and my five adorable aunts. I was never close to my dad. I never felt different then, but looking back at my photos, I can tell the evidence is really strong that I was indeed different.

My aunts introduced me to Barbie dolls during this stage of my life - and I honestly enjoyed it. They even fixed my face several times, due to easy access to cosmetics, as my grandmother owns a beauty shop.

My mom and my aunts were a big fan of Madonna, and we listened to her songs together until I learned my first song ("True Blue"), and years later, "Like A Prayer".

They also introduced me to Dionne Warwick, Basia, Whitney Houston, Debbie Gibson, and Prince.

They were all our gay icons.

In movies, I always loved watching Disney fairytale flicks, like "Little Mermaid" and "Snow White". I sang their songs in falsetto when I was younger. Yes, I sing like a girl. I was even a soprano when I was 6-years old in our school choir, and used the mermaid song "Part Of Your World" as an audition piece.

From then on, I was bullied by other boys my age for acting and singing like a girl. Which of course, I denied. Eventually, I came out of the closet at the age 16.

And back then, all those pop icons like Madonna are who I truly adored so much.

James' first famous-person same sex crush:
Kevin Richardson (Backstreet Boys)

Cameron

Cameron, age 16
Concord, Massachusetts (2011)

My name is Cameron. I am an FTM (female to male) transsexual.

When I was a kid, I never knew what being transgendered was. I was born a female with the name Camilla. I just thought that boys were boys, and girls were girls.

So I wore girls' clothing and kept my hair long.

But I have distinct memories of walking around the house saying 'I'm dressing like a boy' -  which meant my shirt off, and only wearing shorts and a cross necklace.

In 3rd grade, I began to tell people to abbreviate my name from Camilla to Cam, which would become the basis for choosing my male name, Cameron.

I wore girly clothes until about 5th grade, when I found myself at home in a baggy tee shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap. When I was in about 8th grade, my sister asked me one day if I would rather be a boy or a girl. I thought to myself, 'BOY' but said 'girl' because, to the best of my knowledge, I couldn't do anything about it - so why answer boy?

I remember being extremely uncomfortable when I developed breasts. One of my biggest regrets is not embracing my flat chest as a kid, because now it's gone and I have tumors instead. They're like alien objects on my body.

In 9th grade, I cut my hair short. At a school dance, girls asked me to dance, 'mistaking me' for a boy. And I realized that I didn't mind their confusion.
In fact, I liked it.

That was my first realization that I might be transgender. Coming out to my parents was tricky, though. They still don't accept me for being the man that I SHOULD have been born as. They don't understand, that every day, I wake up wishing that I was just born with the body that boys take for granted. You never know how much you have, and how much other people value what you were born with. If I had one wish, it would be to be born with the right body.

I'm still struggling with my transition to manhood, and it's a slow process. I'm starting to tell people at school, and from what I have seen, they are all getting on board with it. Although I still go by female pronouns almost everywhere, I'm looking forward to the day that I will be known as a man everywhere.

I'm so much happier now, then when I was as a girl in middle school: wondering why I hated my body, and wearing boy clothes to cover up my awkward, out of place shell.

And I know I'm only going to get happier.
I always think things will get better, for those who want it to. :)
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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March 07, 2011

Christopher

Christopher, age 18 months
Detroit, Michigan (1966)

I didn't come out to myself or anyone else until 7 years ago, just before my 40th birthday. But, I always knew I was different from even a very early age.

"You look fabulous!"
I posted this photo on a blog where I wrote about my coming out, and a friend called and asked me, "Who’s the little girl on your blog…?"

I was totally confused: 'I don’t know what you're talking about, there's no little girl on my blog.' My friend kept on about it until I went and looked, and realized he was talking about me in this pic.

I had to laugh as my friend pointed out to me, "You’ve clearly always been gay. Just look at that picture!" He mentioned that I was playing with a very pink poodle and a kitty cat. And dressed in a handsome/pretty yellow pastel outfit, with shorts that were so short and tight, you can clearly see my little package.

And it made me wonder: Did my mom and dad see this in me at this early age, yet I would take decades to acknowledge it myself?

My parents indulged and embraced my uniqueness. When I wanted a baby doll, I got one. And I loved and cared for him, and even dressed him in the same outfit I'm wearing in the photo. And I still have him. 

In junior high, I took home economics instead of shop. And though my dad wasn't happy about it, he reluctantly bought me the supplies I needed for my first sewing project. By 13, my mom turned the kitchen over to me and encouraged me to pursue my love of cooking as a career. I later became a pastry chef.

Although my journey was also filled with many dark and depressing days, when my being "different" made life difficult, I've come to love this photo of me.

It reminds me that I am as I was meant to be. I was born this way.

Christopher's first, famous-person same sex crush:
James MacArthur (on "Hawaii Five-O ")
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JAMES MACARTHUR 8x10 COLOUR PHOTO Retro Desserts: Totally Hip, Updated Classic Desserts from the '40s, '50s, '60s, and '70s Slaves to Fashion: Black Dandyism and the Styling of Black Diasporic Identity Tongues Untied

Mark

Mark, age 3
Springdale, AR (1984)

"Who wears short shorts???"
My sister loved to dress me up and pose me for the camera.
And I obviously didn't mind!

I don't think I ever really knew what "gay" was until I was older, but I always knew I was different.

I never liked the same things as the boys I grew up with, but I always liked the boys!

I have come to understand as an adult, that different can be fabulous! I have a wonderful, exciting life and couldn't be happier.

So don’t ever sell yourself short, and live life to its fullest!

I think this blog is a wonderful thing for LGBT kids (and adults) everywhere.

It's a mean world out there, but a blog like this is helping make it a better place - one little gay picture at a time :)

Mark's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Kirk Cameron & He-Man
  ____________________________________________________
Growing Pains: The Complete First SeasonThe Best of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (10 Episode Collector's Edition)Growing Up Gay in the South: Race, Gender, and Journeys of the Spirit (Haworth Gay & Lesbian Studies)Queering the Moderns: poses/portraits/performances

March 06, 2011

Scottie

Scottie, age 8
Matthews, NC (1995)

So, I'll begin by stating that I was born female, and I still identify as one; Scottie is my legally given name. This photo was taken by a friend of my mother's who had taken my brother, sister (whose arm you see), and me out for lunch. I'm the youngest of 4 in our family. I chose this photo, because of what it represents:
a child's interpretation of misunderstood emotions, feelings, and desires.

I remember being asked by my brother just before it was taken: "Why do you need to dress like a boy?" I became so flustered at being called out, not really understanding the situation, and why he'd ask me a question like that.

But I defiantly responded: "Because I am one!" Thus, the nervous childish smirk on my face, and trying to figure out why I was embarrassed.

Over the years, that important memory has stayed with me, mostly because I feel like it explains the beginning of my understanding of how and why
I felt so different.

I've realized that as a child, I believed it was acceptable for me to be attracted to women - and steal my older sister's fashion magazines to gawk at the models -
as long as I acted like a boy.

And I remained the tomboy well through middle school, struggling with my femininity throughout high school & college.

It's only over the past few years I've come to terms with being a femme lesbian. Which I must say, is much more comfortable than trying to hide behind the mask of a boy.

March 05, 2011

David

David, age 11
Hudson Valley, New York (1977)

This photo was snapped during my 5th grade commencement ceremony. That snazzy jacket was my favorite, because it was reversible. The duality fascinated me. Navigating my way through the subsequent school years as a closeted gay boy taught me a lot about my own duality.

Growing up in Upstate NY, I didn't have any gay role models. Those who were perceived to be gay were mocked or whispered about behind closed doors.

I immersed myself in every school activity imaginable and cultivated a large group of friends.

If I befriended someone, they'd be less likely to tease me or acknowledge what I already knew:
That I was gay.

Looking back, I think I was subconsciously trying to protect myself.

In my younger years, I oscillated between boyish and not-so-boyish stuff. I was obsessed with Tonka trucks and fire engines, watched "Popeye" religiously, and loved climbing trees.

However, I was equally obsessed with my grandmother's white high heels,
"I Dream of Jeannie," "That Girl" and "Bewitched" on TV. I would often perform the theme song to each show when it aired.

One afternoon, at the age of 4, I was mortified when my cousin burst the door open to my grandparents' bedroom, and discovered me watching "Bewitched" - while sitting sidesaddle on a broom, wearing my grandmother's heels. I carefully placed a long towel over my head to simulate Elizabeth Montgomery's hair.

He laughed, asking "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I turned to him, sitting on my broom, and said, "I’m Bewitched." It was probably my first coming out moment.

After college, I packed my car and moved to Los Angeles. I officially came out at the age of 24. I made that decision on a Friday night, while dancing under the glittering disco ball at the Catch One nightclub.

To all of the gay kids who may be struggling today:

Someone once asked me: "If you could wave a magic wand and become straight, would you?" I instantly replied "No." Despite some difficulties, it's been a rich and rewarding and fun life so far. And it really does get better!

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robbie Benson (in "Ode To Billy Joe")

It's so sad, but I also STILL remember his underwear scene in "Ice Castles" too
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - My First Gay Crush Blog"