Rae

Rae, age 5
Barstow, California (1974)

I was always the one girl who wanted to play cops and robbers with the boys,
or build forts in the desert. I loved getting dirty.

I loved watching "Masters Of The Universe" because I thought Teela was cool. But the real reason was I thought her father, Man-at-Arms, was even cooler.

I knew I was gay around age 10. I was having  giddy feelings for some of my girl friends. I knew I was different, but I just didn't know in what way.

Seeing this picture of myself decked out in a dress, now makes me realize just how uncomfortable I always was in girls clothing. It was a nice feeling to be dressed up, but I would have been happier in a little suit and tie.

When I came out in 2009, the majority of my family's responses were:

"We have known forever, but we were waiting for you to be comfortable enough to tell us."

None of my family members, including my own children, have bad feelings about me being a lesbian. In fact, they all know I'm happier now, because I don't have to hide who I really am.

My message is: Be true to yourself, and do not hide who you really are.

Yes, it might be difficult. But don't miss out on the life you could have, because you're too busy living the life someone else wants you to have.

I missed about 20 years of true happiness, because I was too afraid to be myself. So don't live in fear.

Rae's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Lynda Carter (as "Wonder Woman")

Seeing her in 'Wonder Woman' made my little heart flutter like crazy
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Colin

Colin, age 4

Dayton, OH (1964)

I'm the the youngest of 7 children, in an Irish Catholic family in Dayton Ohio. As far back as I can remember, my mother made sure that I knew I was special.

I can remember the day of this picture very clearly. I had dressed up all by myself upstairs, and was so proud of it, I descended the stairs to show the family.

Don't mistake the look on my face for sadness. It was more just disappointment at my family's initial reaction, when they first saw me coming down the stairs.

I was looking for admiration or awe at the "ensemble" I'd created out of diverse items I'd found in a closet.

My family laughed and took this picture. But I remember feeling like royalty,
as I descended down those stairs.

This picture now rests on our mantle, next to a childhood picture of my husband. His photo is from when he was around 6-years old. In it, he's holding a can of worms for fishing, and he looks so happy.

I guess the old saying that "opposites attract" holds true.
And we have been together for over 28 years now.

My message to all is:

Never, ever let anyone make you feel less than the wonderfully special human being that you are! You are FABULOUS!

Isaac

Isaac, age 4

Lodi, Wisconsin (1994)

This is a picture of me dressing up in the pre-school that I attended. It was actually published in the local paper, for a feature story about the pre-school.

I loved to put on that tutu and dance around the play area, and pretend to be a princess. I loved making the other students play princess with me, especially the boys.

I used to crank up some Amy Grant, Madonna, or Whitney Houston and dance into my own little world.

Looking back at this picture as an adult, I regret how long I tried to pretend to be a "normal" heterosexual male. When it was so obvious to me, that I wasn't.

I know it can be hard when you are raised in a conservative family and town, like I was.



But being out and proud is one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt.
It far out-weighs all the prejudice and hate that was directed at me.

So, my dearies: Be you a child, adolescent, or adult who is dealing with your identity, here is my advice: Don't doubt the feelings you are experiencing.

Embrace that you are different. And don't let your parents, community members, or friends make you into something you aren't - just because they might be uncomfortable with it.
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Katy

Katy, age 1

Des Moines, IA (1957)

This photo shows me on my first birthday. My Great Aunt Dee was trying to indoctrinate me into the joys of being a girl. Even back then, I was dubious.

I knew I was different from others at a very early age. By the time I was 3, I was obsessed with gender. I would puzzle out who was a boy and who was a girl, and try to figure out where I fit in.

In the 1950's, gender roles were very clearly defined, and I didn't feel comfortable wearing dresses and doing girly things. But I didn't really want to be a boy, either. I figured there must be a 3rd gender that was half-boy and half-girl, and that's what I was.

I was always looking for others like me - and I found them. I was fascinated by a woman I once saw who smoked a pipe. She was one of us. I adored Mary Martin in the role of "Peter Pan." She was one of us, too.

But I found my true kindred spirit in a children's book my mother used to read to me. It was the character Christopher Robin in A.A. Milne's Winnie The Pooh series. In my 3-year old mind, he was the quintessential 3rd gender.

Plus he had two names: Christopher was a boy's name, and Robin was a girl's name. The illustrations showed him with long, curly hair and dressed in what looked to me like girl's clothes. He also wore Mary Jane shoes, just like the ones
I wore to Sunday school. And yet in the book, Christopher Robin was always referred to as "he."

Whenever my mother read one of the books to me, I'd ask:

"Is Christopher Robin a boy or a girl?"
"A boy," she'd respond
"Then why does he look like a girl?" I'd ask

I was hoping that this time she'd tell me he was both boy and girl.
But she never said that. She always had the same reply:

"Because he's from England."

It wasn't quite the answer I had wanted. But it at least gave me hope, that somewhere there was a place where I could find people that were like me.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Sebastian

Sebastian, age 4

Maple Shade, NJ (1983)

I think this was taken at a party for my sister. Clearly, I wanted to make it all about me! I was raised by adoring, retired parents who had me unexpectedly.

"The SON Will Come Out, Tomorrow"

While I later endured the suburban de rigueur rites known as Cub Scouts and softball - where I would sneak off and pick dandelions, or tell stories until my name was screamed for - the fashionable sash and parasol were both allowed by my father.

My dad said little boys of his generation frequently dressed in drag for Halloween. As for my mother? She was a sort of suburban Auntie Mame!

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

My parents realized suburbia was no place to raise a fabulous, gay child. So at 8, we moved to Philadelphia so they could quit driving. Despite early beatings from local urban "thugs" I found my niche at a progressive prep school. That's where I found, art, writing, and wonderful friends.

In this picture, I see both the excitement and nervousness of my feminine sash and decidedly Victorian, little-girl pose. Now, I look much the same. I still have ponderous brown eyes that are both thrilled and afraid to be in front of a camera.

I still have a tendency to wear bright colors in strange combinations. However,
I don't dress in drag that often. Although, there are requests at parties, which I do occasionally make good on.

I have always, as many gay people have, taken risks. Professionally, that means making my dreams come true, and NOT fitting into any one role. At 25, I tried moving to Switzerland, but it didn't work out. At 27, I quit a stable job and started writing professionally, with a variety of odd-jobs and side gigs to keep me afloat.

Now at 31, I live in Wilton Manors, Florida - the GAYEST town in America, outside of Fort Lauderdale. I'm also the editor of the South Florida Gay News, and life IS a banquet!

Erik

Erik, age 5

Burbank, IL (1988)

I was definitely born with style and a love for the camera. It almost seems innate that I knew how to do a couture pose at age 5. Go figure that I'd grow up being in the media, and a stylista. That's me: winning style contests and setting trends.

Early on, I placed women on a pedestal and seemed to align myself with them. I think the first time I realized I was "different" was in kindergarten.

I would play house with the girls in my class, and we'd debate as to who would be the housewife, and who would be the husband. Even then, I was just trying to break gender stereotypes.

The first time I knew I was attracted to men was in 5th grade, while holding one of my male classmates legs as he did sit-ups in gym class.


I sat fixated, watching his shirt crawl up his chest as he thrust up and down.
I did, however, have a crush on Alyssa Milano from “Who's the Boss." Although, from what I hear, most gay men my age did and still do. She’s fierce!

Pop culture always played a major role in my life then. I watched "Labyrinth" almost daily and idolized Wham and The Eurythmics. I didn’t care for the typical "boy" toys and would sneak into my sisters' room to play with their Barbies.

Being effeminate did cause me to get picked on sporadically. But I had a single mom and two older sisters who constantly instilled in me, that the only person I could be was me. God made me and He doesn't make mistakes.

With that knowledge, I was able to build a great collection of steadfast friends, and find my voice. Ever since, I've devoted my time and career to helping others find theirs; by lending an empathetic ear or through my dating/advice column, "Fire Down Below."

For those of you who may not have a great support system, or wonder if things will get better? Trust me: There's a whole cornucopia out there to explore.
And plenty of people ready to love and accept you for exactly who you are.

It's a pretty amazing journey. Honest.

Erik's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Travolta (in "Look Who's Talking")
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Tonny

Tonny, age 4

Seattle, WA (1988)

This was my 4th birthday, and it's the first birthday I remember. I grew up quite poor, so for birthdays, we typically only received one gift from our immediate family. And usually it was something we needed, like a pair of shoes.

I wanted a My Little Pony SO bad, I cried for it - and I wasn't the type of kid to ask for anything. So for my birthday, my parents got it for me knowing how bad I wanted it. Then, there are the two plastic pink elephants on my cake. I don't remember picking those out, but I must have. I mean, who else would!

I first felt different when I was in the 1st grade. I remember I had two friends:
"J" and "C", and they were best friends with each other. At lunch time, we all had to go use the restroom and wash up, so there would always be a line.

These two friends would always share a stall and pee together. I use to think,
"I wish 'J' ould ask me to pee with him." Now I realize he was my first crush.

An early memory I have that screams "gay" was watching my concert VHS tapes. They were with Debbie Gibson, Paula Abdul, or Janet Jackson. I'd put all my toys on the floor around the bed, and I would pretend that I was the star. My toys were the audience, and the TV was my big screen projector. And I would think:

"This show is going to be big, and everyone will remember it."

My family has been more supportive than I can imagine. Since coming out, I am even closer with them, more than I have been my entire life.

For those of you who are in a rough spot in your life, I just want you to know that you matter, and you can make a difference in the world.

Your race, sexual orientation, gender, age, height, weight, shoe size or any of that, does not define you. What you do with your life does.

So put on your own show for everyone to remember.

Dain

Dain, age 4

Akron, OH (1967)

I love this photo. I'm the "nurse" on the right. I have carefully tended to my soldier-brother's wounds, and then we proudly posed for a photo in front of the ugliest couch in the world.

I knew I was different from a very early age. I loved drawing and dolls and imagination games and reading.

My brother loved sports, and being particularly loud. And also, it seems, wearing bowling shoes.

My incredible parents let us each be exactly who were were, and they were clearly willing to document it! 

Being surrounded by love and support, I have grown to be a very happy, successful gay man.

I'm blessed.

Heath

Heath, age 2

Winchester, TN (1975)

It wasn't until around 4th grade that I knew I was different from the other boys. I hated playing sports, and I was always the last to be picked. I didn’t get into BB guns, baseball cards, or playing Army.

"Where's my steno pad? I need to take down a memo!!!"

I always felt more at ease staying inside, watching "The Young & The Restless" on TV with my grandma, or helping her out in the kitchen.

I reveled in the glitzy, 80's prime-time soap operas, like "Dynasty."

I wanted to be Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington, with her long brown cigarettes.


I don't remember when I changed from being sensitive, tender-hearted, and shy to being called a sissy, a fruit, or a f*ggot. I think it started in 6th grade, when one boy called me a fruit, and the rest followed.

While I was never beaten up, I always felt like an outsider, and like less than a person. I knew I had crushes on other boys, but didn’t internally admit it until I was 18. It took several years of hard partying and denial to finally come out, which was rather anti-climactic. Responses to the news went something like this:

"So?"
"What took you so long?"
"Well, I always knew THAT!"
"Yeah, you already told me when you were drunk the other night."

When I came out, I discovered who my real friends were.
That's why it gets better.

Heath's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dan Aykroyd

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Brigham

Brigham, age 2

Salt Lake City, UT (1987)

I always loved to wear my mom's 3-inch heeled snow boots and accessories.
The feeling just made electricity run through my body like I'd never felt before.

I knew I was gay when I was 13, and I just knew I was different. And I always knew I liked men - it just felt right.
I never really had a celebrity crush, just attractions to muscular, ethnic guys

I didn’t have the greatest childhood, growing up in a polygamous group in Utah. Of all the bad things that went on in my situation, this picture always brings a smile and a laugh to my face.

Fully coming out to my family at 20 was really hard, and my already poor relationship with my parents got even more estranged. My extended family fell in the same situation as well.


Some things happen for a reason, maybe just to make you stronger.
Or they happen just to make you a better person.

All I can say, is that I'm happier than I have ever been in my life.

I currently reside in Los Angeles, and I'm trying to go to chef school.
So things are looking good. Things do get better, so don’t ever give up.

Clarissa

Clarissa, age 4

Bronx, New York (1973)

I loved being a tomboy!
I wanted to be tough and dirty, and would go to work with my dad the mechanic. I didn't always wear coveralls, though.

My mom found a way to get me to wear dresses by making them herself, patterning them after Lucy Van Pelt of the "Peanuts" cartoon.

I acknowledged Lucy's toughness, and felt tough in those dresses, too!


I watched "The Bionic Woman," "Wonder Woman" and "That Girl" on TV,
all for the lead characters. Marlo Thomas' voice gave me butterflies.

I didn't know I was different until junior high. I just didn't get the way the other girls were obsessed about boys - mostly because I was obsessed about girls.

Being raised Catholic, I tamped my feelings down and thought of them as wrong until I was 25, and soon found friends who helped me accept myself and come out. All this, despite having a gay older brother who was accepted and loved by my family. Somehow I thought it would be different for me, since I was a girl.

Over the years, I'd tried to be more conventionally female. But there was nothing more freeing than cutting all my hair off, and returning to my tomboy roots!

To gay kids today: Love and accept yourself.
Stick with those who accept you, and live your truth.

Clarissa's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Marlo Thomas (in "That Girl")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Michael

Michael, age 6

New Fairfield, CT (1970)

It may have been just my 1st grade class photo, but I already knew how to smile to cover up my crooked teeth.

Born blond, I really wasn't satisfied with the color. So by the 5th grade,
I already had a bottle of Sun-In on hand during summer vacation.

In 6th grade in suburban Connecticut, I was much blonder and already the butt of gay jokes.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was gay. I was always trying to push the girls to the ground during recess, in an effort to kiss them.


By the 7th grade I'd moved to a bigger town, and met my first boyfriend Rod.
He taught me how to kiss.

Mike

Mike, age 8

Houston, Texas (1991)

One of these boys is not like the other...

"And the Rainbow Badge Goes To...."

With my red hair, pale skin, and delicate features, there's some rage detected in my face. Juxtaposed against these smiling, eager-eyed, young Scouts, it was due to the fact that I didn't want sun damage to cause wrinkles for me later in life.

I obviously took the time to make sure that I had socks to match my kerchief. And my shirt was nice and starched, and I was also well aware that the fashion trend of acid-washed jeans was headed out the door.

While the other boys slouched and sat in poor posture, I sat demure. It's as if I were a Victorian lady, awaiting a parasol and lace gloves to cover my dainty hands. I took the time to be fabulous, while no one else had. For this, I was not having being a Boy Scout.

The irony that a young gay boy wouldn't find Boy Scout meetings to be a safe haven from the outside world seems funny to me now. Themed outfits, arts and crafts, and plenty of opportunities to work out with other guys? All of these STILL being my favorite things to do now.

I looked at The Boy Scouts of America website, and looked at reasons why you should enroll your kid into the Scouts. It states this:

"Scouting provides youth with a sense that they are important as individuals.
It is communicated to them that those in the Scouting family care about what happens to them, regardless of whether a game is won or lost"

For the young and old gays alike out there, that feel as if they have lost this game of life? My message is: Don't give up.

For those who are stuck in Scouts because their parents feel like they should be doing what the "other boys" do, I would ask that they stick it out. But always make sure you stay fabulous doing so.

It sounds cliche' saying that time heals all wounds, but it does.... Scouts honor.

Enzo

Enzo, age 2

Baltimore, Maryland (1967)

This photo was taken behind my grandmother's townhouse in East Baltimore. Obviously, I saw women pose this way for photos, and just assumed I was supposed to do the same thing.  I don't think I had a sense of femininity yet, clearly from what I'm doing with my mouth!

We were a big Sicilian family and my relatives lived across the street. When I was 3, we moved to rural Michigan and my life turned to hell.

But I always spent summers on that same block, and it was my world, my own Sesame Street.

An Uncle of mine died just before I was born, and he was all anyone spoke about.


He'd become a fairly famous songwriter, and I knew at 3 he was gay. Or rather, that he was like me, but I had no idea it had anything to do with sex. 

I was aware of gay men whenever I saw them, because they were nothing like my uncles. They didn't have women telling them what to do, and they were fun to be around. And they'd ALL been to Europe, or said they had. That was all I wanted out of life, and I wrote an essay in 2nd grade about how I wanted to be "queer" when I grew up.

Queer was the only word I knew for it, and had no idea it would be a problem. But when I read the essay in class, my mom was called into school. If anything,
I thought gays were superior. But I also knew stupid people made fun of them.

Looking at this photo now reminds me that as a child, men seemed peripheral and irrelevant. They were always somewhere else, doing something that didn't seem to matter much.

TV was the same: Men worked in suits and were boring and tried to hold back. The women were clearly smarter and more clever in every way.

Thus, I identified with women (and later gay men) as being the road to my independence. Even today I am still uncomfortable in all-homogenous groups, especially all-gay or all-white. 

Currently, I've been married almost 12 years. And I write & perform plays about my background. And today's kids seem to relate more than people my own age.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"