Michael

Michael, age 4

Richland, Indiana (1981)

My mother made those Woody Woodpecker costumes for my brother and me. Halloween was my favorite time of the year, because you could completely pretend to be somebody else for the night. And bring out a different personality, while no one could see who it was. And yes, I'm the one on the right.

At times as a teenager, I'd look at a photo like this and be embarrassed by such behavior.

My favorite album as a kid was Donna Summer's "On The Radio" and my favorite sleep attire was my sister's Charlie's Angels t-shirt.

I realized somewhere around the age of 6 that I was gay.

But growing up in a very small farming area of southern Indiana, I didn't know what that meant.

Or, that someone could live a productive, healthy life being openly gay.

My parents made me join the Boy Scouts and serve in the church, but I never felt comfortable or accepted.

I suppressed being gay until I was 21 and an art student in college. I could no longer take locking myself in the bathroom, and crying for hours wishing I could change myself.

My parents didn't believe me at first, and then went through the whole 'What did we do wrong?' phase, and eventually they just didn't discuss it.

Now, as a 34-year old man with a loving partner of 7 years, I look back at a picture like this and laugh about how even at that age, I OWNED IT! My family was surprised, but they have completely accepted my partner. How they never knew is beyond me.

At one time, I thought safety and acceptance came from wearing a mask. I see my coming out as the first time I said 'I love you' to myself. And I can not look back in anger, because conquering the fear of coming out was the greatest challenge I faced.

Life does really get better when you live it with openness and honesty.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch")

Jameson Parker & Gerald McRaney ("Simon & Simon")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Andrew

Andrew, age 8

Auckland, New Zealand (1995)

I picked the fabric for this waistcoat myself. And I sure felt fabulous in rainbow houndstooth, as I'm sure any other 8-year old at his father's 40th birthday party would have - right?

I knew I was different from an early age. My dad dreaded picking me up from pre-school, as I'd always be wearing some frilly outfit from the dress up box.

I didn't realize I was gay until much later, around 13 or 14. Mostly because I didn't know it was possible! I grew up in a very sheltered Christian home, and everyone just thought I was special.

Coming out was hard for me. I was 21, and had just met the love of my life, and I knew I couldn't keep him to myself. It was awful for a few months, as my family were shocked beyond belief - nobody else was, of course! As time has passed, my family and I are able to slip into a don't ask, don't tell kind of understanding.

My partner Paul and I have been together for 3 years now. And, I'll soon be the best man at the-other-kid-in-this-photo's wedding, my best friend since birth. Someday, I hope that he can be my best man, too.

As the world gradually becomes more accepting, that just might be possible.

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (in "Saved By The Bell")

Oh, those abs!

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Ernesto

Ernesto, age 6

El Paso, TX (1991)

When I stumbled upon this picture a few years ago, my first thought was,
'Wow, what a homo!' Then I thought to myself, how nothing really has changed.

I was always a sensitive boy, with my head in the clouds and my heart on my sleeve. Even when it wasn’t a class requisite, I still used to buy Valentine cards for the girls on the school bus. I was semi hoping for a girlfriend, or at least my own Valentine - none of which I received. Even though I had this 'way with the girls,' it truly wasn’t what my heart desired.

My angsty teen years - which could be perfectly narrated by Christina Ricci - were kind of lonesome. I had no one to commiserate with, and no gay peers. Then high school came, and I began to embrace my homosexuality. I would no longer awkwardly dodge the 'are you gay?' question.

And I began to taste my freedom.

It took my moving to a different city to fully be me. I have lived in Phoenix and New Orleans, and I am grateful to now have the gay support system I needed. It is through these experiences, and my amazing friends, that I am building up the strength to one day come out to my mom.

Now, my favorite color is Blue, favorite animal is the Lion (although some would argue it's a Bear), my favorite game is Scrabble, and my favorite holiday is still Valentine’s Day.

Ernesto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Omri Katz (in "Hocus Pocus")

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Paul

Paul, age 4

Grove City, Ohio (1984)

My childhood dream was to be Snow White. Although I couldn't whistle, I regaled everyone with my version of "Whistle While You Work," and raised some eyebrows waltzing through the house singing "Someday My Prince Will Come."

I also started channeling my creative energy into another outlet: drawing. My parents sought the mentoring of a local artist, who took me under her wing when I was 4, and she taught me that anything I imagined could come to life on canvas.

Soon, every wall in our house was covered with oil-painted tributes to my favorite heroines. I then decided that I didn’t want to be Snow White when I grew up. I wanted to be an artist.

I'm grateful I had a mentor who cared enough to fuel this creative flame, because the other flaming aspects of my personality presented problems at school.

Boys with high-pitched voices - whose approach to running laps in gym class could be described as "prancing" - didn’t fare well. I learned that in order to survive, I had to conceal those aspects of my personality that made me different.

I wasn't able to describe what I was covering up as "gay" yet, though. That realization didn’t fully hit me until right after college. Still, I knew there was something inside me that needed to be squelched, or it would ruin everything.

Fortunately, this is a fairy tale with a happy ending.

I found my way out of the dark, enchanted forest to a place of self-acceptance.
I even found my own handsome prince, and our life together is as close to "happily ever after" as I can imagine, this side of the Magic Kingdom

I've also continued pursuing my dream to be an artist. My paintings that explore my journey out of the closet are displayed in galleries across the country.

Art was my salvation during the most difficult parts of my childhood, and I encourage others who struggle with similar issues to find a way to creatively express themselves.

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Prince Charming ("Snow White")
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Lisa

Lisa, age 8

Mesa, AZ (1993)

When I look at this picture, it sparks many awkward, depressing memories of never fitting in with my perfect happy friends, and my strict Mormon family. Just a few months before this, I had long hair and I convinced my mother to let me cut it short. Although I look back now and see my desire to have such short hair as an obvious foreshadowing of the future, at the time it traumatized me.
Since then, I've vowed to make myself look as girly as possible.

"God doesn't make mistakes."

I have vague memories of "experimenting" with my best friend Ashlee in 4th grade. It was all innocent at the time, but looking back, I think about the feelings it gave me and how much I loved it.

The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was at age 13. I'd doodled on a piece of paper about loving her, and my sister told my mom.

When confronted about it, I said:

'Nooo! I don't love her like THAT, just as a friend!'

That was when I realized I was different, and there was something about me that I was suppose to be ashamed of.

I soon moved myself slowly back into the closet, locking the door from the inside. Shortly after that I learned the word "Lesbian" from my brother.

It has been a long, treacherous road coming to terms with being not only gay, but gay AND Mormon. It used to break my heart to be different, and I cried so many nights asking God to change me.

But now I thank him for making me the person that I am, because I love who I am. And it DOES get better, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel. I promise.

I've been blessed with an amazing family that loves me and supports me, no matter what. Although being gay and Mormon is hard, when I start to feel sad,
I hear a voice inside my head saying, "God doesn't make mistakes."

And I feel content.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Whoopi Goldberg (in "Boys On The Side")

Janeane Garafalo (in "Mystery Men" & "The Matchmaker")

Anna Chlumsky (in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Ed

Ed, age 2

Peoria, IL (1962)

This photo was taken when I was just shy of 2, and shows a happy boy who just won't stop being happy. That's why I like this photo so much – it shows my spirit that won’t quit. The plaid jumper is pretty hot, too!

One of the challenges for me growing up was asserting my individuality. My parents were (and still are, to an extent) more concerned about how things look, rather than being authentic.

One of my earliest memories was in 2nd grade; I wanted to play the flute and quickly found out that boys don't play the flute. I learned to be quiet and just do what I was told.

But I always knew my inner feelings were somehow different than what was expected.


The first time I remember these feelings as being gay was when I was 11.
I wanted to be with my best friend at the time. There was something about being around him that just felt really good. I also remember how devastated I was when he moved away that summer. I missed him so much I cried, but knew that I couldn't tell anyone why I was crying.

That's also when I also remember being really attracted to Peter on "The Brady Bunch." Greg was too old and Bobby was too young - but Peter was just right!

After a long drawn out process, I finally came out to myself in college and realized I needed to be far away from home to really be my true self. Coming out to my family was incredibly painful; my father said he wouldn’t drink out of the same glass as me because I'm gay (this was the early 80’s). He’s mellowed a bit since, but we aren’t that close. I wish we were closer.

Somehow, I've kept seeing that happy kid inside myself, and that kept me going. And my life now is wonderful!  I'm in a 20+ year relationship, and I started my own business because I realized my true calling is to make my own box, rather than be in someone else's!

Be your authentic self.

Ed's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Knight (Peter Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
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