Chuck

Chuck, age 3

Portage, IN (1981)

I always preferred to play with the girls in the neighborhood. And had crushes on the boys in the neighborhood, unbeknownst to them.

When my family had gatherings at major holidays, I always wanted to sit in the kitchen with the women, instead of out in the living room watching football with the guys.

My favorite Care Bear was "Cheer Bear" - the pink one with the rainbow on its belly.

I wanted to be (and was!) Wonder Woman for Halloween one year.

I didn't realize it then, but I think about it all now and can't help but laugh.

I also say to myself:
Anybody who thinks I wasn’t born this way, clearly hasn’t done their homework. ;)

Chuck's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Danny Pintauro (Jonathan on "Who's The Boss")

Even then I had good gaydar!

______________________________________________________

Kevin

Kevin, age 4

Akron, Ohio (1959)

Here, my older sisters dressed me up in their clothes, put me up front, and my dad took this picture. Looking back, a couple of things strike me about it. First, sisters are probably always wanting to dress up something or someone, like dolls or brothers, but most 3-year-old boys wouldn't allow it. Second, I struck a pose that gives it all away. I'm thankful my dad found the camera and actually took the picture, without protesting or objecting.

And notice my sisters weren't dressed nearly as pretty as I was!


I first knew I was "different" at 3-years old. I have a vivid memory of being in the back of my dad's '55 Buick station wagon, and seeing a really old man sitting on the ground in front of a building in downtown Akron, Ohio.

For some reason, I knew he had something I lacked, and I wanted it from him before he died. Turns out, that something I was missing was heterosexuality. That's a big word for a small kid, and I'm not saying that I knew exactly what was going on at that moment. But I do know that I felt different than my dad, brothers, or other men in general.

It was a sad moment for me, but it was the beginning of my knowing and understanding myself. I always knew down deep that I was different or gay, but I finally came out to myself and others at age 25.

And now, my life is good. I have a partner of 7 years, and 2 sons I adopted as infants, who are now 12 and 10 years old. I am out at work and everywhere I go. I don't believe in the closet - it's too stressful.

If others don't like me because I am gay, that's their problem. I already went through the self-acceptance process long ago -- starting with this picture of me in a dress!!!

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Don Grady (Robbie on "My Three Sons")

____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow this blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Jack

Jack, age 12

Pauls Valley, Oklahoma (1987)

This photo is more about my mom than about me. As you can see, I was an aspiring decorator in my mother's classroom at age 12. I loved any holiday, and we had decorations for all of them, but Christmas took the cake.

As a teacher's kid, hanging out at the school after hours, but before everyone went home, was a magic time.

Only other teachers' kids would truly understand the power of feeling like you OWNED the building.

I have such a clear memory of the day this picture was taken.

I BEGGED my mom to let me decorate her room for the holiday, and of course, she let me. Why I chose to wrap myself up in all this  tinsel like the love child of Lady Gaga and Jayne Mansfield, I don't know.

I remember performing a little dance around the room to some bad 80's music, for all of the other teachers' kids. Getting other people to laugh was a constant coping mechanism for me, and I remember consciously thinking to myself:
"They can't hit you if they're laughing - even if it's AT you."

My mom came in the room to witness the scene, thought it was hilarious as always, grabbed her camera, and took a picture. She always pushed me to try new things, but never deterred me from being myself, which may have included a (very, very short) stint as a local fashion model at age 13.

Now as a happy gay man in my early 30's I can't tell you how lucky I was to have a mom that just loved me, for all I brought to the table. Even in Oklahoma.

As much as middle or high school can totally suck, the message I can leave with those reading this small snippet of my life is:

Love yourself in the now, and for all that you bring to the table.

A testament to that is I can now OWN this picture, and love me for who I have always been. Though I am a bit ashamed of the ugly cable knit sweater...
_________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Ronnie

Ronnie, age 10
Charleston, S. Carolina (1980)

As a 10-year-old boy living in Charleston, South Carolina, I liked designing mazes, which accounts for the pen in my hand in this photo. My shirt bears the likeness of Spock from "Star Trek," my favorite TV show.

This was snapped on my requested Polaroid instant camera I got for Christmas. Each photo cost two dollars, my entire allowance at the time, so I rationed each one like a miser. I usually shot our family, and this is a rare picture of me, taken by my brother.

It was a different era in the 1970's. My parents told me homosexuality was sick, and so I thought myself sick. I suffered from depression, guilt, and all the usual head trips. But our attitudes changed over time. Now, we all believe differently.

I have always been gay, as far back as I can remember. But I didn't realize what it meant until my late teens. I was naive about sexuality, even while being quite precocious. I experimented without being fully aware of the implications.

I compartmentalized the issue of sexuality with the expectation that I would change later, and that it would not be a life-long thing.

At 13, I fell in love with my best friend, but he did not return the favor. It seemed like I fell in love with several of my friends. I think that is sometimes a rite of passage for gay kids: to fall in love and be rejected.

I came out to my parents as bisexual at the age 18. They were supportive, but had fears and doubts at first. I eventually found a partner, and we have been very happy together for the past 14 years.

To young gays, I would say that life definitely gets better, particularly if one finds the right person to live with. Someone trustworthy, honest, kind, and considerate.

Sarah

Sarah, age 10

Brooklyn, WA (1996)

I'm on the left in the pic. I didn't really think of myself as being different growing up, since I aspired to be just like my brothers. I remember just wanting to be one of the boys since the beginning.

My mom used to joke about me always dressing like my brothers, often calling us her three sons.

I know my father was often lectured by his conservative Latino family for allowing me to wear boy's clothing.

However, my parents always allowed me to create my own identity.

And I am now living out and proud with the support of both my mom and dad.

Sarah's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jennifer Connelly (in "Labyrinth")

I was 5 at the time. But I've had a thing for brunettes ever since :D
__________________________________________________
 

Charles

Charles, age 4
Arlington, MA (1954)

Well, here I am, 4-years old and holding on to my neighbor and best friend. Discovery was key to our relationship. Catholicism might have kept me distant from the inevitable, but the hunger was real...

Later, with my "new boyfriend" I was deliciously tormented while trying to hide my delicate naked self.

It was while changing from my swimwear into street clothes, one hot summer day at the reservoir. Oh how my neighbor BFF went crazy over that!

But I wanted to be seen, and be shared. And anything else that might have helped all this pent up, 4-year-old frustration.

"I can see your pecker!" he cried.
All this while chasing me around a lifeboat in the changing area. Sigh

And damn, I'm pushing some major basket in this shot!